McWilliams Gets a Free Reading

By John McWilliams | Wednesday, May 14, 1997

When I was ten years old, my family went to see a psychic at a local carnival. It was my first time seeing a psychic up close, and I was cynical. I have my doubts about people who claim to know the destiny of any human. Anyway, as soon as this psychic entered into his booth, I noticed his bizarre appearance: he was a short, obese man wearing a red turban and white robe.

The psychic predicted the present and future of anyone for a small fee. My mother laid the money down on the table, and the psychic took out five stones and rolled them on the table. Every time he rolled one of these stones, he made a prediction. After some time, my family was convinced that this fool (psychic) was out to steal our money. None of things he said about my family were true,
and my mother kindly asked for a refund.

I have never since believed in psychics. I've watched countless TV shows on Nostradamus, and I always come away unconvinced. Owning a Ouiji board was as close as I came to putting faith in psychics.

So, I can honestly say that watching television in the 1990s is frustrating. I can never escape an hour of television without viewing one or two psychic hotline commercials.

These commercials further obliterated all my remaining respect for psychics. Just look at the people who endorse these things: Gary Coleman, Danny Bonaducci, and Dionne Warwick: washed-up celebrities trying to make a quick buck. Who in their right mind would pay four dollars a minute to hear someone spew hypothetical nonsense over the phone?

And the so-called people from the street (really actors) look like airheads. I laughed out loud when such an actress said the following: 'I recently broke up with my boyfriend. But I told the psychic I was going to Europe, and the psychic predicted I'll meet a nice, tall Mediterranean man.'

Need I say more?

When my superiors at the Review proposed that I call the psychic hotline for an editorial piece, I didn't hesitate to reject. I explained that I thought that the psychic hotline was immoral. But eventually, after substantial persuasion, I reluctantly accepted the assignment.

So I called the Psychic Friends Hotline. Recently, the commercials seem to have become a competition: who can offer the most free minutes of a psychic reading? One of the commercials had promised ten free minutes on their toll-free number, but I quickly learned that this was a lie.

I called their toll-free number, and the recording said they would grant me ten free minutes only if I spent four dollars a minute for ten minutes on their 900 number line. And for proof, I had to send them the telephone bill showing that I paid for those ten minutes.

So I called their 900 number, and reached another recording urging me to purchase some special love gem — on the time that I was paying for. I was growing increasingly restless when the recording finally connected me to a psychic.

'Thank you for calling the psychic line. This is Todd — extension 1137. Your name, please?,' the psychic said.

'John,' I said.

'And your date of birth?'

'Uh, seven, five, seventy-seven.'

'Seventy-seven.'

'Yes.'

'Have you called before?'

'Nope.'

'Okay, before we begin, I just want to remind you that the information that I will share with you today is what I perceive at the time of this reading. You, of course, do possess the free will to change the outcome of any situation in your life by changing actions, attitudes, or beliefs. Of course, you know you could change your life by changing your mind! This makes sense, doesn't it?'

'Yes it does.'

'Good.'

I told the psychic my mood at the time — energetic.

'What would you like to take a look at first?,' Todd said.

'Ahh, what are my options?,' I said.
We both laughed.

'Oops, I'm sorry,' I said.

'No, it's funny the way you put that. You can ask anything that you want. Sometimes, I speak on topics people don't have an interest in. So, most people cut to the chase and tell me to focus on their money, relationships, health, a certain person, or anything in between,' the psychic said.

'Okay, ahh, what do you see in my future, ten years from now?'

'Ahh, okay, ahh, no. See, you're in the wrong section.'

'Okay,' I said laughing.

'Ten years from now... that's the worst thing to ask because it's the actions that you take now that will predicate that will happen in the future,' Todd said.

After more of this type of talk, Todd began to tell me some things about myself and my future.

On my career: ' You have to be wise in terms of what you want to choose. I feel you're very smart and capable of doing a lot of things, but you have to nurture your creativity. You have the potential to make money and unlock certain doors, but I feel like you to put up walls for yourself sometimes. Don't procrastinate.'

On my health: 'Could be a lot better, to be honest with you. I feel something in the upper extremities going down to the lower extremities. You need to exercise, and add B-12 into your diet. Don't misjudge your health at this point because you're 19. Your health could bring you down.'

On college graduation: 'I can see you graduating. That's a major factor in your life. That's something that will take you a long way in your life. I see a lot of stress factors around you, but college graduation will be one of the brightest things coming up in your life.'

On sex: 'You'll most likely find romance in a doctor's office.'

On academics: 'I feel that a lot of professors respect you. I see a lot of leadership quality in you... I don't see a follower.'

On dreams: 'I see that you've been having prophetic dreams lately. I feel that you're ignoring them. Your dreams are trying to tell you something.'

His comment on my dreams was true.

The psychic ended the telephone conversation, urging me to exercise once again. After I was finished on the telephone, I thought about what the psychic said. Could all this be true? Is it a hoax? Regardless of what it is, it was certainly good advice to use. But not worth the four dollars a minute.

McWilliams Gets a Free Reading

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