If I were President of Dartmouth College ... Campus Celebrities Weigh In

Wednesday, January 21, 1998

Campus celebs weigh in on their first term in Parkhurst and give us a Sneak Peak at their plans for the Dear Old College On the Hill.

Name your Provost.

Rigobarto Menchu, Lenora Fulani, the late Eugene V. Debs or a non-hierarchal collective directorate appointed by...me.

—Professor Maryssa Navarro

Your campaign song?

Freebird. The live version off Gold and Platinum, of course.

—Officer Rebel Roberts

What would you fight hardest to change?

The so-called 'no caddle prod, no car battery, no full-body cavity search' policy for intoxicated students at Dick's House. Far as I'm concerned, the ACLU can *%$# my &-!@.

—Dr. Jack Turco

Which part of the job would you dread most?

Working the late shift, balancing a tray full of tenderloins, and low tippers. Oh wait, that was my old job.

—Deb Reinders

How would you make Dartmouth a Friendlier Place?

I would tell you, but you just simply would not understand. It's called asked and answered, next question please.

—Sean Gorman '76
(College Attorney)

How would you garner faculty support?

More Parking tickets means more revenue for the College!

—Bill Barr
(Parking Guru)

What would be your first act in office?

Resign.

—Dean Lee Pelton

name three objects you must have in your office.

All I need is a little bit of love;-)

—Peter Goldsmith

Your Favorite presidential perk.

Fruit Smoothies!

—Bart Bingenheimer

Who's Been your Biggest influence?

Myself.

—Robert Reich

Who's your ideal trustee?

Myself.

—Robert Reich

What would be your administration's scandal?

Senator, I would dispute the testimony of Mr. Gravano.

—Pete Napolitano

How would you win Alumni approval?
Resign.

—Lynda Boose
(The Nutty Professor)

If I were President of Dartmouth College ... Campus Celebrities Weigh In

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