Original Article: http://dartreview.com/archives/1998/01/21/if_i_were_president_of_dartmouth_college_campus_celebrities_weigh_in.php
Wednesday, January 21, 1998
Campus celebs weigh in on their first term in Parkhurst and give us a Sneak Peak at their plans for the Dear Old College On the Hill.
Name your Provost.
Rigobarto Menchu, Lenora Fulani, the late Eugene V. Debs or a non-hierarchal collective directorate appointed by...me.
—Professor Maryssa Navarro
Your campaign song?
Freebird. The live version off Gold and Platinum, of course.
—Officer Rebel Roberts
What would you fight hardest to change?
The so-called 'no caddle prod, no car battery, no full-body cavity search' policy for intoxicated students at Dick's House. Far as I'm concerned, the ACLU can *%$# my &-!@.
—Dr. Jack Turco
Which part of the job would you dread most?
Working the late shift, balancing a tray full of tenderloins, and low tippers. Oh wait, that was my old job.
—Deb Reinders
How would you make Dartmouth a Friendlier Place?
I would tell you, but you just simply would not understand. It's called asked and answered, next question please.
—Sean Gorman '76
(College Attorney)
How would you garner faculty support?
More Parking tickets means more revenue for the College!
—Bill Barr
(Parking Guru)
What would be your first act in office?
Resign.
—Dean Lee Pelton
name three objects you must have in your office.
All I need is a little bit of love;-)
—Peter Goldsmith
Your Favorite presidential perk.
Fruit Smoothies!
—Bart Bingenheimer
Who's Been your Biggest influence?
Myself.
—Robert Reich
Who's your ideal trustee?
Myself.
—Robert Reich
What would be your administration's scandal?
Senator, I would dispute the testimony of Mr. Gravano.
—Pete Napolitano
How would you win Alumni approval?
Resign.
—Lynda Boose
(The Nutty Professor)