Week in Review

Wednesday, February 18, 1998

Dirt, a la Carte

Two Canadian geophagists, specialists in the renowned field of dirt eating, recently published findings on the nutritional value of dirt in North Carolina, China, and Zimbabwe. They claim that the soils are good for humans in that they are plentiful in iron and iodine.

Though dining on dirt "sounds a little bizarre," says one of the scientists, "there's mental retardation in the world caused by the lack of those elements." However, the team warns against eating just any old dirt. "The sticky point is today you don't want contaminated soil. What with industry, you don't know what's in it." The Environmental Protection Agency's Erosion Control Division has been mute on the subject.

Cacata Sterca

The Windy City Times recently reported on a vandal who describes himself in notes left behind at the crime scene as "the righteous guardian of public decency." Over the past two years, the Ohio resident has "protested" at several libraries, including at least one gay and lesbian community center.

His method of showing his disapproval on books corrupting the nation's youth—defecation. Books on the United Nations and homosexuality are his favorite privies of choice. The Sierra Club has encouraged the man to find books that use 10% post-consumer recycled paper for now on.

Let's Get Ready To Rumble

This past Tuesday, the American freestyle wresting team was enthusiastically greeted by 12,000 friendly Iranians in Teheran, Iran for the Takhti Cup Freestyle and Greco-Roman International Wrestling Competition.

The annual tournament is celebrating the 19th anniversary of the Iranian Revolution and marks the first time since then that American athletes have competed in the Islamic country.

U.S. coach Joe Seay said, "What was very special is that they had our own flag. We had bought our own flag, but we had no need for it, because they already had one for us. That showed caring."

Although Iran's spiritual leader, Ayatollah Ali Khatami said that the United States is still an enemy of the country, he also confessed a rabid devotion to Sargeant Slaughter and the Rock and Roll Express.

A Pulse For a Pass

Grade inflation has finally made its moribund way to Princeton, New Jersey.

Over a twenty-five year period, beginning in 1973, the median G.P.A. of Princeton University students has risen from a 3.08 to a 3.42.

Tucker Culbertson, a twenty-year-old engineering student explained to the New York Times, "If you go to class, participate, and write a semi-intelligible paper, you get an A."

Others, however, cite aggressive, grade-grubbing students as the source of the increase. The Princeton student government believes that grades have been on the rise over the years because of an increase of the intellectual capacity of the student body. They state "Princeton students are the best in the world, and its not clear that a contrived increase in the standard deviation of grades would prove meaningful or beneficial."

In conjunction with this news, Princeton has also released its new marketing slogan, "Less Money, Grades Great."

Kawakyu Resigns

Student Assembly Vice-President Nahoko Kawakyu '99, the first write-in candidate ever to win Assembly office, resigned from her position on February 17 at the conclusion of SA's weekly meetings.

Citing the fact that she felt her life was revolving around the Assembly, Kawakyu stated, "At some point I began neglecting my personal needs. I stopped listening to my own personal voice."

SA President, Frode Eilerten '99 does not believe that Kawaku's resignation will affect and SA's ongoing Visions of Dartmouth campaign nor the proposed community bicycle program.

King Me

Don King spoke in Dartmouth Hall on February 18 in honor of the campus' celebration of Black History Month.

Giving an abbreviated history of the United States and its Constitution, King jumped from discussing Thomas Jefferson to "Ferguson vs. Plessy" to O.J. Simpson in one fell incoherent swoop. During the question and answer session, King described Native Americans as "running around the plans, shooting bows and arrows nd smoking the peace pipe."

But what really wowed the crowd was the 'greatest promotor of all time's' revelation that he pays $30 million a year in taxes.

Only in America.

Paying Through the Nose

The Board of Trustees recently announced a 3.9 percent tuitton increase for next year, the lowest percentage increase in several years. The Board also decided to include the monthly fee of DarTalk as part of Room and Board costs thereby allowing financial aid to cover it.

Finally, the Board made no decision regarding the installation of cable into the dorm rooms. Every dorm is wired for cable, but no service has been activated.

Chairman of the Board Stephen Bosworth also said that the board planned to follow the lead of Brown by attracting wealthy foreign students to the College. "Despite their chronic nosebleeds, hemophilia, and disastrous political regimes of the 17th and 18th centuries, I think the Hapsburgs have a lot to offer the Dartmouth community," he reportedly said.

Visions of Activity

Despite the recent turmoil in the upper echelons of the Student Assembly, the Visions project rolls on. The SA plans to spend $4000 on the project in order to gather and analyze student comments for the incoming President.

So far the project has garnered 150 "visions," which equates into $26.66 per response. Yet another brilliant scheme from those who brought you the Communist Bike Scheme.

Gainesville Gaffe

By the skin of his teeth, University of Florida President John Lombardi retained his position ahead of the state's largest University.

While at a private dinner party, Lombardi referred to black state Chancellor of Higher Education Adam Herbert, his immediate superior, as an "oreo." When asked to elaborate, Lombardi said that Herbert was 'black on the outside and white on the inside.'

Apparantly, Herbert was adept at being a "great maneuverer as a black man in a white-dominated world." The state Board of Regents, long at political loggerheads with the popular Lombardi, saw this as an opportunity to force him out.

Following several rallies in which both students at the University as well as Florida residents showed their support for Lombardi, the Board relented and allowed him to keep his post. In return, Lombardi was required to take an oath of allegiance to the Board and to publically apologize to Herbert.

Titian or Tampax?

Controversy is brewing over a faculty art exhibit at Augusta State University in Georgia, reports Link: The College Magazine in its January-February issue.

Art professor James Rosen contributed two works to the exhibit, entitled "Period Piece" and "Successful Showing." His artwork consists of three rows of sanitary napkins, each decorated with a red dot and a tampon. Augusta State President William A. Bloodworth refused to remove Rosen's magnum opus, though he recognized the public's right to protest the display.

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