Original Article: http://dartreview.com/archives/1998/04/08/mad_libs_write_your_own_keynote_address.php
Wednesday, April 8, 1998
For Dartmouth College Presidents ages 6-Adult
'I am (honored, delighted, outraged) at this (occasion, dinner, trial) to (speak, comment, pervade my demagoguery) about (my Jewish past, my book the award winning Idealism and Liberal Education published by the University of Michigan Press, Thurgood Marshall: Man of Character). The Dartmouth community and (I, Bathsheba, the codefendant) wish to (exonerate, celebrate, unilaterally condemn) the (acheivements in intellectual diversity, heroism of Maya Angelou, The Dartmouth Review) and call for (more diversity, an end to this ad hominem bigotry, another warm Diet Coke at the head table please.)
I'd like to speak tonight on (a chapter from my book, two chapters from my book, Vaclav Havel and my book). This speech came for me while I was (clerking for Thurgood Marshall, on holiday in Cambridge, stunt doubling for Steve Forbes).
The very idea of Liberal Education has (self-empowered, self-actuated, aroused) me all of my life. Indeed, that is why I (came to Dartmouth, wrote my book, spent 40 hours searching the Internet for Susan Faludi pix.) In my time here I've seen (quite a bit of anti-Semitism from the Review, a growing haven for daring dreamers, a total of four (4) students.) And to close, because of that, I truly believe that (the administrative implementation of liberal education yields a procurement of resulting intellectual equalization and total racial justice, what the world needs now is love sweet love, Harvard University Football rules!)