Week in Review

Wednesday, September 30, 1998

Convocation, Part I

On Wednesday, September 23 James Wright officially took over as Dartmouth's President in a joint Inauguration and Convocation. 5,000 spectators were on hand to witness the transfer of power.

The crowd was treated to speeches to by President Wright, Student Assembly President Josh Green, and John Hope Franklin, James B. Duke Chair in History at Duke University and chairman of President Clinton's Initiative on Race and Reconciliation.

Green spoke first, directing his remarks mainly to the Class of 2002. While focusing on the role of students in improving the university, Green mentioned the need to lessen the socio-economic distinctions among students, improve social options, and increase student participation in the selection of Dartmouth Trustees and the determination of Dartmouth's financial. An oft-repeated theme was that 'students are free unless humanity needs them.' No elaboration was given.

Professor Franklin brought the gathering back to the real world by directing his speech to the two early priorities of the Wright administration: diversity and research. He expressed his admiration for Dartmouth's historical success in both areas.

Wright spoke last, primarily addressing the same issues as Franklin. He reaffirmed his strong commitment to increasing diversity, but spent most of his time on Dartmouth's emerging role as a research university.

Superficially, Wright made a stirring argument for a unique college-university blend, though he did not provide concrete guarantees that undergraduate education would remain at the foundation of the College.

The Dartmouth Review Recycles

We at the Review strive for environmental consciousness and are active participants in the ongoing battle to save our precious landfill space for truly worthy garbage. Hence we are now obliging members of the Dartmouth recycling community.

However, being located on Main Street, we have limited access to convenient recycling facilities — the town of Hanover prefers not to offer recycling services to downtown businesses. Our vigorous attempt to reach an agreement with Town Hall to obtain access to a recycling center ended abruptly when pinko Penny, a panicked pencil-pushing bureaucrat, refused to grant us authorization to use their rather empty recycling bins. Our new save-the-planet ideology came to a vicious halt — that is, until we decided to screw 'em and dump our recycables there anyway.

Grandpa Green

Al Lewis, who played Grandpa on the popular TV series 'The Munsters,' filed suit last Monday to have his name listed on the ballot for governor as 'Grandpa.'

Lewis, 88, is running as the candidate of the pro-environment Green Party.

In his lawsuit against the state Board of Elections, he said that not listing him as 'Grandpa Al Lewis' on the ballot 'would create confusion among voters' and interfere with their right to cast an informed vote.

Buying In

Bill Gates, the world's wealthiest man, got a little less wealthy last week when he and his wife, the former Melinda French, donated 20 million dollars to Duke University.

The money will establish a program 'that will bring together undergraduates and students in the graduate and professional schools in a variety of projects.' This program is exclusive; only sixteen students a year will benefit from the Gates millions.

Skeptics on the Duke campus who thought it likely that Mrs. Gates had been named (in 1996) to the Duke Board less for her personal prestige or administrative experience than for her ready access to her husband's millions seem to have had their opinions confirmed by this Gates gift. Twenty million dollars may well be the price of a seat on the Duke University Board of Trustees. The former Ms. French seems to have paid in full.

Fired for Teaching Shakespeare

In a groundbreaking lawsuit, Drama Professor Jared Sakren has charged the Arizona State University Board of Regents with violating state mandated academic freedoms in terminating his contract in 1995. Sakren's dismissal was prompted by his 'traditional' approach to the plays of Shakespeare, Ibsen and Aeschlyus, according to Sakren's colleagues.

A report issued by those colleagues in conjunction with the termination of his contract was more to the point: 'The feminists are offended by the selection of works from a sexist European canon that is approached traditionally.'

The proper approach was never cited directly but appears to be a litany of the exploitation, misogyny and racism of the playwrights and their works. The one clear statement made by the department was that Prof. Sakren needed to include 'the unique contributions of minority artists' in his productions.

Sakren's qualifications were never in doubt. He is a graduate of the Julliard School of the Arts who taught at the Yale School of Drama for twelve years. His abilities have been touted since the ASU controversy by his former students —Academy award-winner Frances McDormand, Academy award-nominee Annette Benning, Val Kilmer, and Kelly McGillis. His former ASU students have rallied around him, calling him the victim of a 'witch-hunt' and a 'lynching.'

The case is hoped to set a precedent that will protect talented professors from the politically correct prejudices of their colleagues. Professor Sakren's situation is all the more poignant because the colleagues in question appear to have academic credentials vastly inferior to his own.

As of now, the lawsuit remains unresolved in Arizona state court.

We Didn't Want to Know

In the recently published Dartmouth College Annual Security Report, there are several reports of 'actual' sexual abuse incidents.

The security report in the past has been comprised of a case-by-case breakdown, with the indiviudal punishments printed. However, due to criticism of one case in particular, the College has decided that the specific crimes on the campus are not the business of the students.

Instead, this year's report features strange accounts by sexually assaulted students, that seem to be heavily edited and somewhat fictionalized. Here is 'Steve's: 'I never thought a man could be sexually abused, but one night at a party my thinking changed. I was talking with a guy from my team. We were having a really good time; then he asked if I wanted to go to his room with him to get some more music for the party. When we got there, he started touching and kissing me. I told him to stop but he wouldn't. Now I don't want to go to practice and face him.'

Steve's touching story aside, perhaps the College should be telling students what it is doing about sexual assault, not giving us a how-to.

Convocation, Part II

Josh Green '00, Student Assembly President, delivered an address at convocation centered in exhaustive part around a list of wronged minorities whose ranks at Dartmouth, according to Green, needed to be swelled.

Strange, then, that Green left out of his list (which began with the obligatory 'race, gender, class...' appallation) the standard reference to 'sexual orientation,' which usually features prominently.

This slight comes on the heels of this summer's injustice, when the office building at 32 South Main Street spent the whole month of July flying a gay pride flag upside down.

Dartmouth Rainbow Alliance head Ezekiel Webber had no immediate comment on the new spirit of intolerance at Dartmouth.

The Grinch That Stole Harlem

Columbia University students were appalled this semester to discover that finals will not be finishing until the night of December 23rd.

The scheduling fiasco came about because of a strike by menial college workers, who decided they didn't want to begin work until after Labor Day. As Labor Day was quite late this year, the menial workers got a long summer vacation. Students are shunning the classes that have the late finals, but many still won't be able to fly home for Christmas until late Christmas Eve.

An administrator at Columbia, responding to student criticism, said, 'Where are you going to go? Penn?'

South Pork

According to various news reports in New York City, a number of Chinese restaurants on the Upper West Side have been serving pork instead of lamb in their lamb dishes in order to save money.

The news of this sham lamb has horrified many New Yorkers, especially Muslims.

In the Muslim faith, the ingestion of pork is prohibited and leads directly to eternal damnation.

In related news, Hanover's own Mrs. Ou's has closed down.

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