Week in ReviewA (Sur)Real Class Indiana University has started offering a class on reality TV. The seminar, taught by Professor Herb Terry, is called "The (Sur)Real World of Reality TV," and promises to examine the new genre from "historical, legal, ethical, psychological, sociological, cultural and economic perspectives." Professor Terry, with degrees from Stanford and the University of Minnesota, is an Associate Professor of Telecommunications and has been with the University since 1974. Professor Terry told WRTV-Indianapolis, "The one program that doesn't have a lot of predecessors is 'Fear Factor.' There have been other shows that show people doing stressful or extraordinary things, but making a game out of it, for money, is unique." Professor Terry, apparently, is unaware that for hundreds of years, bar patrons have made games, for money, out of cajoling their friends into doing stressful or extraordinary things.
The University of Victoria in British Columbia has started offering classes in sado-masochistic bondage, according to the Canadian Press. Offered by the UVic Pride Collective, the university's organization for homosexuals, the course is open to 15 couples at a time, who are supposed to bring a fifty-foot length of rope and two twenty-five-foot lengths of rope to the class (NB: bring 3/8" rope, as its not too bulky, but shouldn't cut). As of yet, there are no plans to offer credit for the classes.
After much debate, New Zealand finally has decided not to institute a farting tax. Really—we can't make this stuff up. The "flatulence levy" would have required livestock owners to pay anywhere from 9 to 74 NZ cents per animal on the theory that animal farts ("livestock emissions") are bad for the environment. The money would have funded researchers who make their living off of researching animals farting. Normally, we would reserve this last sentence for mocking them, but their chosen field of study speaks volumes.
Northwestern University student Anton Rozenbaum is suing his assistant professor for "unfairly" lowering Anton's grade on a March 2002 final exam from a B-plus to an F. Allegedly, Anton had received his original grade on the biochemistry test and brought it to the instructor to dispute. According to the professor, Erik Sontheimer, Rozenbaum attempted to change his answers for a higher grade. Reacting to this blatant act of fraud, the instructor gave Anton an F on the exam. Anton claims that he had never requested a grade change and is now demanding a purge of his academic record. He is also suing his instructor for $50,000 in damages. According to Northwestern's assistant general counsel, "the university believes the case to be without merit."
A Pennsylvania woman recently pleaded no contest to rather unusual charges of sexual harassment. Linda Schultz, 36, was conversing with a 7-year-old boy and an 8-year-old girl when she unzipped her fly and pulled out an artificial penis. As the terrified children fled from the apparently well-endowed woman, Shultz chased them with her dildo, "hitting [the girl] on the head with it." Apparently, this is not Shultz's first incident of this nature. While authorities were investigating the case, a 15-year old girl came forward and told police Shultz threw a dildo at her last year. Assistant District Attorney General Aliena Gerhard took a firm stance against child sexual harassment, declaring, "This behavior is reprehensible. It's inexcusable, and we won't tolerate it." For her no-contest plea, Shultz will receive nine months of probation and a mandatory psychiatric examination.
President Bush and the Chairman of the Senate Armed Forces Committee John Warner recently reprimanded Army Lieutenant General William Boykin. The reprimands—and eventual calls for his resignation—stem from his comments comparing the War on Terrorism to a war of Christians versus Satan in a series of speeches at Evangelical Christian churches. Boykin, speaking in June, claimed that Muslim extremists fight against America "because our foundation and roots are Judeo-Christian and the enemy is a guy named Satan." Regarding the United States as a "Christian nation," he recounted that during an encounter with a Somali during a mission there, "I knew that my God was a real God and his was an idol." After Boykin apologized for his comments, officials have debated the limits of free speech and a senior military general's responsibility. Rather than push for his resignation, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld granted Boykin's request for an investigator to study the comments and advise him on further course of action. For now, the future career of the distinguished general is unsure because of comments made in a church, that according to Boykin, were merely meant to show "that Americans need to pray for out leaders, both government and military."
As any middle-school boy knows, there are times when you don't want to be called to the blackboard. In the face of this conventional wisdom, six British schoolboys took Viagra at lunchtime for a dare. Paramedics were summoned after teachers were told about the 13-year-olds' prank. Authorities speculated that one student brought the pills from a secret stash at home to the all-boys school where he shared them with his five friends. The school has a no drugs policy, and the students will likely face disciplinary action. A source from the school explained, "By the time the afternoon lessons began, there was no hiding what they had done." The six boys were taken to the Royal Berkshire Hospital, where they were monitored until their circulation was back to normal.
A German man was charged with violating Germany's anti-Nazi laws after he taught his dog Adolf to give the Nazi slaute by raising his right paw. The man's neighbors alerted the police and said they had seen the man in his yard, giving the stiff-arm salute and commanding his dog to do the same: "Adolf sit, give me the salute!" While the police were questioning the man, he commanded Adolf to give the salute. The man has also been accused of shouting the Nazi battle cry "Sieg heil" in front of police and of wearing offensive shirts at a market in the city. Before this indoctrination goes any further, the police have informed the dog that he is a mongrel. The Dartmouth Student Assembly is finally showing that SA can do something besides kowtowing to the Administration. Student Assembly members have organized a group to investigate the rules governing college fraternities and sororities. At the top of the list of concerns is the burdensome rules requiring Greek houses to improve safety and accessibility for their facilities. Upcoming audits likely will require the houses to undertake expensive construction projects and will entail the addition of fire escapes and wheelchair ramps. The College has agreed to foot the bill on houses owned by the college, but the houses that are privately owned probably will have to pay for their own improvements. Most houses don't have the $200,000-$800,000 that the renovations will cost, but, of course, the College would never try to force fraternity houses to the verge of financial collapse.
Terrorism is bad. It follows, therefore, that stopping terrorism is good. It seems logical enough. Or at least that's what the Israeli government thought when they began to build a wall around its territories in East Jerusalem. But apparently this protection of Israeli citizens is too logical for the Arab League, the European Union, and, most recently, the United Nations, who have passed resolutions demanding that Israel take down the protective barrier. The Palestinian Authority, calling the Israeli fence a "land grab," was thankful for the international support of the resolutions. Palestinian envoy Nasser Al-Kidwa said, "We believe that those countries have done a great service to the cause of peace in our region." The Israeli and American envoys were less optimistic. Israeli Deputy Prime Minister Ehud Olmert was defiant, saying, "The fence will continue being built." American Deputy Ambassador to the U.N. James Cunningham condemned the resolution as "one-sided," noting that the Palestinians should issue "a condemnation of terrorist bombings and the groups that perpetrate them." Since September 2000, Palestinian terrorists have killed almost 900 Israelis, including over 100 children and 60 elderly.
Making history this past week, Kirk Jones plunged over Niagara Falls without the protection of a barrel. He is the only unprotected survivor and is now in stable condition at the hospital. Mr. Jones rivaled the 1960s attempt of a seven-year-old boy who braved the falls while only wearing a life preserver. One witness, who saw Jones before his plunge, described him as "jumping around, a bit edgy"— no doubt. Apparently, the whole show began as a suicide that failed.
The Vatican is bravely taking a stand against the fallacies perpetuated by the broader scientific community. Seeking to stem the tide of the AIDS epidemic in the Third World, Rome is warning parishioners that the HIV will travel right through condoms. Spreading this message is an absolutely invaluable service in many under-developed nations. In Nairobi, for example, the virus is believed to infect a fifth of the population. Lucky for the pitiable Kenyans, their Archbishop is enlightening them to the fact that "AIDS... has grown so fast because of the availability of condoms." In Kenya, local priests reportedly are telling their flocks that condoms come laced with the HIV. The ever-so-stubborn World Health Organization is sticking to its guns; it holds to its obviously erroneous claim that condoms reduce the risk of being infected by the HIV by 90%. Not since the days of Galileo, who was informed that the Sun rotates around the Earth, has Rome taken such a courageous position.
Certainly, most Americans would consider a world lacking God to be a dark and depraved place. Apparently, the "philosopher" Daniel Dennett disagrees. He and others are working to create a new term for atheists, agnostics, and others that are "non-religious;" the suggestion is "Brights." Yes, that's right, Brights. Sure, it sounds arrogant, especially considering that combined, atheists and agnostics are estimated to make up less than two percent of the US population. Still, the Brights are not content simply with the adoption of a new name, but they also hope to gain wider "social and political influence." They'll certainly need it in a nation where a recent poll showed that more than a quarter of the population believes the Ten Commandments can be displayed in courthouses. Parkhurst reports that the Tucker Foundation is currently working on a way to weave the Brights into the diverse fabric of the Dartmouth community.
If the election of 2000 didn't give you enough uneducated, unqualified, and irrelevant celebrities bombarding you with political advice, then you're in luck. Plans are in the works for an entourage of genuine Hollywood stars to visit Israel in hopes of making a peace agreement possible. President Clinton couldn't do it; Kofi Annan couldn't do it; Ariel Sharon can't do it; Yasser Arafat won't try. But these intrepid celebs are confident that they have a shot. No, they don't have the clout of Arafat's Nobel Peace Prize, but they have something more: the enviable position as icons of American pop-culture. They are using this position to appeal to the "ordinary folk," the foot soldiers of the terror war against Israel. It's amazing that such a brilliant plan has never been attempted before. Surely, after Ed Norton and Danny DeVito spend a little bit of time with Hezbollah leaders, the terrorists will be so wowed by star power, they'll be falling over each other to opt for peace. Perhaps, before Jennifer Anniston and Brad Pitt grab their El Al tickets, someone ought to inform them of the widespread disdain of America and its culture in the West Bank and Gaza strip.
We can probably all agree that the Sudan has had its fair share of problems. A long religious, civil war was bad, but this autumn, the nation faced something much more terrifying—a rash of penis disappearances. The cause of the problem was soon traced to a West African foreigner, known only as "Satan's Friend." Reportedly, this gentleman would forcefully shake a man's hand until their penis melted into their body. Another story claimed the foreigner requested that a man comb his hair; when the man agreed, his penis would disappear. Many reported that after Satan's Friend had made a penis disappear, he would charge its former owner more than four million Sudanese pounds for its replacement. So, that's what all those internet pop-up messages are about! The tale of the penis snatcher spread quickly through the Sudanese capitol via cell phone text messaging. Before long, the city was in hysterics and the police arrested 40-odd men who had filed complaints along with 50 others. The national government eventually stepped in to clarify the situation. It turned out, after all, that the entire epidemic wasn't much more than a rumor. The Health Minister made clear that the situation had no basis in science and instead was caused by sorcery or magic. This real question is: Who allowed Sudan—a nation whose Health Minister believes sorcery to be a legitimate cause of disease—to get its hands on cell phones? |
Article ToolsRelated Articles· Fitz and Schul Defeat Sobriety and Bad Cinema · Fitz and Schul Defeat Sobriety and Bad Cinema: The Story of F. Scott Fitzgerald at Winter Carnival · Wright to Step Down in June 2009 · Winter Carnival: The History
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