Letters to the EditorsFailing to Transcend Prevailing Russian Stereotypes And you thought you could drink. A vodka-drinking contest in a southern Russia town ended in tragedy on November 18. The winner of the competition died, with several runners up in intensive care. The owner of the store holding the contest offered 10 liters of vodka to the competitor who could drink the most vodka in the shortest amount of time. Russian authorities charged the promoter of the contest with manslaughter. "The competition lasted 30, perhaps 40 minutes and the winner downed three half-liter bottles. He was taken home by taxi but died within 20 minutes," said a prosecutor pursuing the case. For those of you who don't feel like doing the math, that's a handle of vodka in thirty minutes. Five of the survivors ended up in the hospital's intensive care unit. Russians drink 15 liters of alcohol per annum and it has been estimated that nearly 15% of the population is alcoholic. In an unrelated story, Boris Yeltsin just notified the the press that 15 is his new favorite number.
The market for watered down beer looks to be further watered down this spring, as Coors Brewing Company has announced that it will release a new low-carbohydrate beer. Aspen Edge, as the new brew is billed, will look to compete with Anheuser-Busch's highly successful Michelob Ultra, as well as a resurgent Miller Lite. Coors plans to support Aspen Edge, to be sold in six and twelve bottle packs, with a massive billboard, radio, and television campaign. The change in strategy apparently follows a persistently flat growth in sales volume for Coors, despite the continued popularity at Dartmouth College of its subsidiary, Keystone Light. A spokesperson for Coors explained, "a man can lead a horse to watered down beer, but twenty cannot make him drink."
France's wine industry decided to combat the government's anti-drunk driving campaign. The government tells drivers that the safest way to stay out of trouble is to not drink at all. The wine industry claims that the advice resulted in a 15 percent drop in sales at restaurants over the last few months, as well as a good deal of pain for the $18 billion industry. The blood-alcohol limit sits at .05, so it is still possible to enjoy a reasonable amount of alcohol before getting behind the wheel. Pascal Rosseaux, director of Alfivin, a group for wine producers, wants diners to know that they can still enjoy "two or three glasses" with their dinner and be fit to drive, for drunken driving is not a problem in France, just like l'antisemistisme.
You're over 21, sitting in a bar and enjoying a few drinks with your friends. Suddenly, cops storm the bar and begin breathalyzing everyone in sight; blow a .08 and they throw you in the paddy wagon. No, this isn't the latest extension of sharia law. It's the police officers of Fairfax, Virginia proudly doing their job. In the latest blow to individual liberties, the officers claim to be enforcing a Virginia law stating, "If any person... is intoxicated in public... he shall be deemed guilty of a Class 4 misdemeanor." The problem is that Virginia law doesn't specify what constitutes being "intoxicated." So the officers arbitrarily chose .08, the legal limit for driving, as the definition of public intoxication. The scary fact is that the police could have chosen any definition of intoxication. It's a sad day when adults enjoying alcohol are treated like dirty reefer-smoking hippies.
A fifteen-year-old girl got a lot more than she bargained for at a gathering in Peoria, Illinois. The party favors for this little soiree included alcohol and cocaine. She asked a fellow attendee, who happened to be a 22-year-old tattoo artist, to mark her with gang initials and "Sid" (as in, Vicious). Sid turned into "STD" and she ended up with the names of a few other partygoers along with a swastika and the word "skinhead". In a refreshing scene of responsibility, the girl told authorities, "If anyone is at fault, it should be me for allowing me to do this to myself, I don't want to get anyone in trouble for my mistakes." This only goes to show that casual experimentation is much more effective than DARE when it comes to preventing addiction.
A fifteen-pound package of cocaine was found in a shipment of ground beef delivered to East Central Upper Elementary School's cafeteria. The box, labeled "Lot No. 021" was the second "drug infested" beef box delivered to a school in the Mississippi school district in a single week. The other was delivered to Ellisville School, and was also labeled "Lot No. 021". Both boxes were missing bags of meat, which had been replaced with bricks of cocaine. All other districts in the state were advised to segregate any and all 021 boxes, and officials inspected them shortly after. While officials did not find any cocaine in any of the packages, they sent all 96 of the suspected boxes back to Merchant's Co., the company that made the deliveries throughout the state. Whether or not teachers subsequently reported a heightened frequency of "talking out" among their students has not of yet been determined.
A lapse in correspondence recently amounted to tragedy for a Canadian family. After not hearing from an elderly relative in seven years, members of her family called upon the local police to check on her. They were surprised to learn that authorities discovered in the home not the elderly woman but her rotting body, and a 55-year old woman with an ambiguous relationship to the deceased. Police summarily charged Katerina Compel with neglect of a dead body. This lesson in responsibility was not lost on the Canadian police. "There's certain things you should do when someone passes away and totally ignoring it is not one of them," cautioned Sgt. Mark Flegg.
Mexico recently removed Adolfo Aguilar Zinser, its ambassador to the UN, from his position. Zinser claimed that America treats Mexico as a "weekend fling" and its inferior "back yard." His comments, made at the Ibero-American University in Mexico City, immediately attracted international media coverage as Mexican Foreign Minister Luis Derbez prepared to meet with Colin Powell the next day. An embarrassed Derbez quickly removed Zinser from his position, effective January 1 when Mexico finishes its two-year run on the U.N. Security Council. Trying to draw attention away from both Aguilar's comments and reality, Mexican President Vicente Fox appeared on CNN, claiming Zinser's comments were "a false declaration...that does not correspond with reality." Zinser, now out of a job, was unavailable for comment. Friends said he was taking advantage of the lower drinking age and attending a donkeyshow in Tecate.
It isn't often something interesting happens in high school, but there are exceptions. Last week, two students at River Hill High School in Clarksville, Maryland, made lunch the most talked-about part of the school day. That's when the two female students, Katherine Pecore and Stephanie Haaser, who describe themselves as heterosexual, got up during the school's lunch period, sat on a table, and proceeded to passionately kiss. At the end of the "full on" makeout session, the two stood up on a table and yelled "End homophobia now!" Onlooking students sat in stunned silence, and school officials immediately swooped down upon the girls to issue two-day suspensions. Despite the situation's abrupt end, many hold positive memories of the occasion. "It was full on," Pecore said. "It was intense." The Review extends its support to all attractive females who would like to protest homophobia in such a manner.
Sounds too good be true? As if women didn't have enough on their plates, here comes a new factor to contend with: "Vaginal congestion and pulsation of arousal" are the constant and uncomfortable symptoms of Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome (PSAS) affecting a number of women today. Often dismissed by doctors as psychological, this persistently undiagnosed condition has been formally identified by its physical manifestation and has now attracted the necessary exposure to seriously address this uncommon but very real female issue. Whether 21 or 71, the burden of constant sexual excitement is making the lives of affected women unbearable. The cause of PSAS is mostly unknown; sometimes it is due to malformations or the aggravation of existing illnesses such as seizures. There are various treatments available but the medication involved sometimes has side effects and offers little relief. No cure has been discovered yet, so until a permanent way to control or eliminate the physical manifestations, sufferers can expect a long-term affliction. While some claim this is a serious problem, most agree that the women in question should stop whining and just enjoy it.
The radical environmentalists at Greenpeace discovered that their habit of illegally boarding ships as a protest hasn't won any favor from U. S. Attorney General John Ashcroft and the Department of Justice. Last week, the DOJ announced it would prosecute the entire Greenpeace organization for the boarding of the mahogany freighter APL Jade by several of its members on April 12, 2002. Citing an obscure 1872 law that allows the government to punish a ship-boarder's organizations if a "conspiracy" is involved, the DOJ is hoping to hand Greenpeace the full punishment—five years' probation, a $10,000 fine, and likely the loss of its tax-exempt status, which would effectively destroy Greenpeace as an organization. Not going without a fight, Greenpeace has assembled a coalition with the ACLU and the People for the American Way Foundation to attack the "act of intimidation by the government." Apparently, the enforcement of laws, which protect private property and prevent piracy, is now "intimidation."
Zeta Psi fraternity is facing probation over fliers it printed that are deemed "offensive." At the University of Texas, that is. The fraternity came under fire for hosting an Iraqi-themed party. The "Bombs over Baghdad" party featured sandbag bunkers through the house, model airplanes, and a Beirut table painted to look like a landing strip. Flyers distributed by the fraternity showcased pictures of the Saddam Hussein "Ace of Diamonds" card, among other images. Fake posters, distributed by an unnamed organization, featured images of a crying baby covered in blood and a mutilated dead man. Zeta Psi claimed that a student came to the house and announced his intentions of distributing the posters. The frat's president Thomas Madaelil said, "It was mostly an anti-war flyer. They made it because they thought the intent of the party was to promote people dying." The UT Interfraternity Council Judicial Board, meanwhile, is investigating whether Zeta Psi violated IFC conduct by intentionally engaging in a form of harassment. In an unrelated story, the president of the fraternity broke the collective ankles of his lackluster intramural soccer team with impunity.
The student-housing crunch has hit a new low. At Purdue University, a group of students decided that living in a large cardboard box in the center of campus during a rainstorm was preferable to sleeping in dry, heated dorms. "Night in a Box" was part of Homelessness Week, and was an effort to make students understand the plight of the homeless. While enduring the hardships of box-living, the students gossiped and wrote poetry; some called the experience "enjoyable." Its good to know that students can enjoy faux homelessness instead of worrying about housing, clothing, and feeding those who are truly in need.
Be sure you thank your mom, or brother, for that nice home-cooked meal the next time you're home. On March 7th this year in New Zealand, 36 year-old Fergus John Glen hacked to death his 33 year-old brother, Craig, with an axe because he was annoyed that he had not been thanked for cooking dinner. Glen pleaded guilty to the murder on November 12th. Court documents show that the dinnertime slight was the final straw in a long-running feud between the two men. He selected the axe from several in the basement of his parents' house, stood in the doorway of the room his brother was sleeping in, and "swung the axe over his shoulder and brought it down on to the victim," according to the police report of the incident. After the murder, Glen returned the axe to the basement. He met his mother on the stairs and calmly told her "I've done him...[with] an axe." At his court hearing he said, "He just annoyed me and I did it. I'm not proud, but I did it." According to his mother, he had seemed "happy and jovial," drinking whiskey in front of the television earlier in the night before the murder. In short, the evening was typical, except, of course, for the fratricide. |
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