Candidate Haines Returns to Hanover

Friday, January 23, 2004

Robert Haines, the eccentric Republican challenger to President George W. Bush, returned to Hanover on January 17th to campaign and to recruit. Though recent polls show him trailing Bush decisively—and a recent stint in the slammer slowed his campaign—Haines's spirits were intact. He interrupted a physical education course on wilderness first aid on the Green after recognizing a Review staffmember with whom he dined at the India Queen restaurant during his last visit. (See TDR 11/14/03) Donning a new beard, a sweater emblazoned with the American flag, and his traditional cowboy hat, Haines whistled at the staffer and told him he was about to drive twenty-nine hours straight to Iowa to add to the hoopla of the caucuses. He also said he was looking for "a few good men and women" recruits for "the Haines 11th Mountain Division," adding, "We're gonna capture Osama!"

Haines left the staffer with a "recruiting videotape" that was nothing more than Haines carrying a camcorder around Manhattan on New Year's Eve and Day. In Time's Square on New Year's Eve, he found two fellow native Pennsylvanians to hold up his "Haines for President" signs and chant his name. Over the course of hours, he was unable to move more than half a block at the famously crowded venue. The next night, Haines gave a walking tour of the city, stopping at the United Nations building, Saks Fifth Avenue, and St. Patrick's Cathedral, among other sites. When an advertisement for a military-themed video game appears on a screen in Time Square, Haines says, "You see those men and women in uniform? That's what I'm talking about. Copy?" He also visited the armed forces recruiting station in Times Square and elaborates about his plans for the 11th Mountain Division (intermittently called the 10th as well), which will train soldiers in the winter biathalon: "Guns and skis, blood and guts and fortitude. Yeah!"

Haines's campaign has had difficult times recently. Aside from poll numbers that don't even register, Haines was re-incarcerated from late November until shortly before Christmas. Apparently, during his earlier visit to Hanover, he neglected to give his parole oficer a number at which he could be reached. Mr. Haines was convicted of reckless conduct and wearing a protective vest while he campaigned during the 1996 presidential cycle.

Candidate Haines Returns to Hanover

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