Friday, June 11, 2004

Ronald Reagan and the Review

Ronald Reagan's election in 1980 meant for the young Review, then having published only seven issues, that much of the nation—and indeed the campus—was on their side, that theirs was not a lonely battle. Professor Jeffrey Hart, in an issue published shortly after the 1980 election, hailed the Gipper's election as the beginning of "a new establishment in this country." In that issue's Week in Review, an article titled "On the Election," read simply, "Eeeeeeha!"

The Grand Old Seniors

This year, no fewer than nine members of the Review staff will graduate with the Class of 2004. Their four years at the newspaper have proved invaluable. Their accomplishments are summed up here.

Alumni Constitution Fails, Trustees Expand

The constitution would have expanded the Council to include several more seats for select College-approved minority organizations, further diluting the influence of the popularly-elected alumni representatives. These additional minority seats, nominally designed to give greater representation to alumni in the name of "diversity," would have given greater power to College-approved minority groups—already currently represented on the Council—and not the alumni as a whole.

An Interview With Trustee T. J. Rodgers

I've read about the Student Life Initiative, and I see it as an assault on the fraternities at Dartmouth, and I think it's abominable what's been done. If some of the stories I've heard are validated, some of the administration's tactics are a gross attack on rights of students, and I'm adamantly against it.

Dartmouth's Worst Prof: Shelby Grantham

Once, while lecturing on the racism of white band-aids, a student suggested that it was not racism that drove corporations to make white band-aids, but profit. Grantham proceeded to silence him by calling him "a white supremacist." After class, she sent an e-mail to all her students to clarify her comments—and called his views those of a white supremacist again.

Grantham: Band-Aids are Racist

Dear Ones, particularly White Ones: I am concerned to be sure no one feels paralyzingly "bashed" by my opinion about the stance behind the argument that there are no manufacturers of brown bandaids because making them for such a small percentage of the U.S. population would be unprofitable.

The Quotable Shelby Grantham

On Tax Cuts: "Animals don't know the rules of economics."

On Racism: "Only white people can be racist."

Activist Dinner: No Animals Harmed

The most recent "leading" she has had was in the Hanover area, specifically in the lobster tanks of the Hanover Co-op. We kid you not. "Hands closed with rubber bands, a tank so clean that it is clear that they aren't being fed... slowly starved to death... I've got to do something about it, I'm not sleeping at night," she wailed. And so, Grantham took up arms to seek relief for the helpless lobsters unable to speak for themselves.

Buzzing, Blabbering Idiots

Most of us, upon admittance to the college of our choice (or second choice), breathed a sigh of relief and just stopped caring. Others, like Kabir Sehgal '05, matriculated with a lingering sense of inadequacy and shame.

The RagoForce: Check Me Out, I'm Sweet

You could say I've been fairly critical of The BlabberForce—sorry, my mistake: they call it The BuzzFlood now. Fair enough. At first, I was bowled over by the chowder-headed nonsense they were serving, but lately, I've started to come around. Inspired by their hard work, I realized that I, too, must shore up my brand.

BuzzFlood Spoils Debate

The scene is compelling, thrilling even; it represents the best efforts of several College students on a mission to show the world the strength of the Dartmouth spirit. But there's a catch: This presidential debate never happened. But the fascinating and shadowy particulars behind its conception, evolution, and ultimate failure provide a glimpse into a strange world where national politics, personal agendas, and bureaucratic regimens fuse.

Dartmouth's War on Fun

The student body had fallen prey to the depredations of Demon Rum. The frats, like the burlesque houses and opium dens of the Barbary Coast, were the source of the problem; and Wright, a man of strategic vision, wouldn't stand for it.

Kegs Wrapped in Red Tape

Today, the alcohol policy is far more complex, with a bewildering array of rules that discourages registration by making it an extraordinarily difficult process. Houses are forced to choose between the bureaucratic hassle of registering an event with the College—or the penalties inherent in spontaneous parties, the most common sort at Dartmouth.

Phi Delta Alpha Re-Recognized

On Tuesday, May 18th, Dean Martin Redman dramatically declared Phi Delt's rerecognition in an impromptu announcement at the Order of Omega reception, an annual achievement awards ceremony for the Greek system. Campus leaders, as well as a large contingent of Phi Delts, attended the event which was made more satisfying by the presence of many members of the College administration, including President James Wright and Dean of the College James Larimore.

Rebel Without a Cause

When Dean came striding into Alumni Hall, he greeted the crowd and shook hands, realizing too late that one of the individuals with hand extended also had a battle flag around his shoulders. Then, as he took the stage, eight more Confederate flags unfurled around the room.

Regurgitating the Same Tired Performers

With all the hip-hop scholars and Democratic dropouts solidly booked last weekend, Dartmouth invited a man who swallows things for a living… and vomits them up for the audience's drunken delight. This act might seem a bit tired—perhaps, the kind of thing you can see in any fraternity basement. But you show me a fraternity brother who can swallow a light bulb, and I'll show you an Ivy League College willing to pay for his international airfare and agent's booking fee.

Screw Driver

After a few softballs, TDR Editor in Chief Alston B. Ramsay inquired whether his opposition to race-based affirmative action made him, as BAMN's website declares, a "racist," "segregationist," or, as Ms. Driver had just exclaimed during her previous answer, a "right-wing asshole." After some hemming and hawing, Driver suggested an answer in the affirmative.

No Trash 4 Oil!!!

In a last ditch effort, Paro and I made our way across the Green, where we found slightly more success raising awareness. We explained that we were carrying trash to support the earth, as well as wind, water, fire, and heart. Most seemed bewildered by the contents of our bags. But hey, check us out, we're sweet. We ended the day with a quick sit-in for social justice, and tossed our trash into an errant recycling bin after basement mung started to drip down our calves.

Ramsay Named Croquet Champ

The greatest controversy of the day, however, came over Daniel Linsalata's sartorial decision to break out the seersucker suit. Though some argued this was a breach of protocol before Memorial Day, Mr. Linsalata successfully argued that Easter croquet was a special event: "Clearly, when it's Easter and the most important match of the season, I want to be dressed in proper croquet attire," he said.

The Last Word

What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly: it is dearness only that gives every thing its value. Heaven knows how to put a proper price upon its goods; and it would be strange indeed if so celestial an article as FREEDOM should not be highly rated.

—Thomas Paine

Barrett's Mixology: The Coleman

2 oz Light Rum ("only the finest"); 2 tsp Sugar ("pure cane"); 1/2 Lime ("fresh from the orchard"); 3 Fresh Mint Sprigs ("only fresh sprigs"); Chilled Club Soda ("preferably imported")