Buzzing, Blabbering Idiots

By Stefan M. Beck | Friday, June 11, 2004

Samuel Johnson wrote, "No man is much regarded by the rest of the world. He that considers how little he dwells upon the condition of others, will learn how little the attention of others is attracted by himself." This is sound advice, but, sadly, it doesn't seem to apply to the college-bound high school senior. Gripped by panic and envy, he turns his attention ceaselessly to his peers, asking: Did she get into Princeton? Will I get into Harvard? Will I have to settle for Dartmouth?

— The BuzzFlood's erstwhile logo. —

Most of us, upon admittance to the college of our choice (or second choice), breathed a sigh of relief and just stopped caring. Others, like Kabir Sehgal '05, matriculated with a lingering sense of inadequacy and shame. On May 23th, Mr. Sehgal wrote an op-ed for the Daily Dartmouth entitled "On Dartmouth Branding," which argued that our school is a jaundiced, haggard specter of her former self. The College needs a makeover: a nip here, a tuck there, and she'll be back to seducing alumni donors and prospective students in no time. According to Sehgal, because of Dartmouth's image problem, "[h]owever much better Dartmouth is in its quality of academics, student body, or even athletics, Dartmouth will not be considered in the same sentence as HYP"—that is, Harvard, Yale, and Princeton.

This is an overstatement. Dartmouth has always been one of the foremost academic institutions in the country. What, then, is Sehgal's real complaint? He worries that the "yield numbers" indicate more students want admission to HYP than Dartmouth. He speculates that "HYP are treated like leaders because people perceive them to be." In other words, HYP rely on hype, not outstanding academics, and so should Dartmouth. Since "reputation often matters more to consumers than product," the obvious solution is to bolster our reputation—with flashy ads, ticker tape parades, exotic dancers in forest-green pasties, whatever it takes.

Enter the BlabberForce, a student group co-founded by Sehgal with Brent Reidy '05. Reidy tossed his hat into the op-ed ring with "What is Blabberforce?" on July 29th. In the column, he explained, "The Blabberforce is the swiftly growing student group dedicated to telling Dartmouth's story…Essentially, the 'Force is a web of students that celebrates all things Dartmouth. For example, the prosecutor in the Kobe Bryant case is Mark Hurlbert '91." Evidently, useless trivia and National Enquirer-style gossip are the key to putting us on a par with the three best universities in the land.

In July, the BlabberForce reported over sixty members. Shortly thereafter, scandal struck: John Buckholz '04 discovered that the name "BlabberForce" had long been in use by—you guessed it—another college marketing group. Buckholz notified Dartmouth's BlabberForce, but the infringement was brushed off as an innocent coincidence, and the 'Force claimed it had been considering new names for "months." Indeed, it had just decided on one: BuzzFlood.

Apart from its inexcusable name, how is the organization devoted to the "process of promoting Dartmouth's image" falling short? The BuzzFlood has had its share of critics from the start. Joe Rago, a Dartmouth '05 and TDR Contributing Editor, wrote the following in the Daily Dartmouth on July 31th: "A son of Dartmouth can't make waves like a Harvard man does with the name-drop, but what can you do?…there's just not the same snob appeal that can be found in Cambridge, New Haven, and, well, New Jersey. So these waffle-bottomed rejects all get together and say to themselves: we've kind of got a steak, but we need a lot more sizzle."

Rago's amusing attack on the BuzzFlood earned him the enmity of some of his humorless peers; but his words tell us what's wrong with the group and its approach to improving our school's reputation. It all comes down to "steak" and "sizzle." Whether or not Kabir and Brent wish to acknowledge it, Dartmouth has plenty of steak. It has substance. Most of the students who apply to Dartmouth do so because they understand its strong suits. It's a college, not a university; it's smaller, less research-oriented, and has a more intimate atmosphere than do HYP. Its faculty is generally excellent, and its students contribute to a thriving culture of curiosity and ideas. Everybody knows this. Why start worrying about sizzle now?

In one of his op-eds, Sehgal wrote, "Coca-Cola, the top selling soft drink, comes in second to Pepsi in taste tests…The moral of the story: you don't have to be the best, you must be perceived to be. Consider branding expert Iain Ellwood's simple formula: Product + Aura = Brand." But this misses a crucial, if obvious, point: a college education isn't a can of New Coke or Pepsi Blue. A student should apply to Dartmouth because he expects a solid liberal arts education, not because he's been gulled by a marketing campaign.

This underscores the most important complaint against BuzzFlood: not that it's embarrassing (though it certainly is), but that if it gains enough influence, it will attract the wrong kind of applicant to Dartmouth. We don't need strung-out overachievers who think our school's "brand name" will give their diplomas more cachet. Think back to high school. There were few more pathetic figures than the kid who'd never seen Harvard, knew nothing about its programs, didn't even really have a course of study in mind—but had to be a Crimson man. The BuzzFlood hopes to cater to that guy.

Of course, most Dartmouth students understand why the 'Flood must be staunched, and some of them are on the case. Jonathan Eisenman '03 recently initiated an online petition against the group: "We, the undersigned students and alumni of Dartmouth College, believe that BuzzFlood, an organization whose purpose is 'to simply point out what's so special about Dartmouth College,' is making a mockery of the College, its goals, and ideals." 'Signatures' may be blitzed to stoptheflood@alum.dartmouth.org; Eisenman intends eventually to submit the petition and signatures to the Daily Dartmouth.

The Dartmouth Review encourages its readers to sign Mr. Eisenman's petition. According to Sehgal, some of Dartmouth's administrators and faculty support the BuzzFlood: "In the words of a senior administrator who embraces the [BuzzFlood]—'Damn it, we've been defensive about our image for so long. It's about time we became offensive.'" If we don't send a strong message to the BuzzFlood and its supporters—that we believe Dartmouth has been getting along just fine without them—we might find our school becoming very offensive indeed.

Buzzing, Blabbering Idiots

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