Original Article: http://dartreview.com/archives/2004/10/04/the_week_in_review.php
Monday, October 4, 2004
That Takes Ovaries!
Former Editor J. Lawrence Scholer once wrote of feminist Rivka Solomon and her groundbreaking book, That Takes Ovaries!:
"It was this demonstration of collective enthusiasm that compelled Solomon to write this book. She knew that her bon mot would provide a kick-ass title—she determined this while flossing. And, as she got into bed, she had developed the content: 'a collection of ovarian acts where women and girls take charge, and maybe even have fun.'" [TDR 10/1/04]
Emboldened by such critical acclaim for her work, That Takes Ovaries!, she continues in her quest to brazenly challenge the status quo and rips her Ovaries off the page and throws them at the public! Boldly extending the reach of her catch phrase into territory previously inhabited only by "The Vagina Monologues" V-Day and slam poetry, Solomon has created a play based on her landmark book and is busily organizing That Takes Ovaries! open mic events around the country, Ovaries on stage, if you will. At each of the 120 held so far, women show off the size and fortitude of their ovaries through "touching, true, tales of estrogen-powered deeds" and guys are given a forum to boast about the "ovaries in their lives," despite not really having any. For their courage, all speakers are given a chocolate egg wrapped in gold foil—The Golden Ovary Award. If this isn't enough to get your hormones going, there is also a traveling performance troupe currently on tour, showing off their Ovaries everywhere. If you can't wait for the Hopkins Center to add That Takes Ovaries! to their lineup of culturally-enriching programming, feel free to register your own Ovaries, open mic, at www.ThatTakesOvaries.com.
Obligatory SAT Statistics
Dartmouth has once again created "the strongest class in College history" in the class of 2008. A higher than expected yield produced 1,095 students intending to matriculate as of this summer. The target number was 1,070, though summer attrition could vindicate the admissions department and Dean of Residential Life Martin Redman. The mean SAT score jumped 16 points over the class of 2007 to 1433, a score still substantially behind the median score of 1460. Still, 88.9 percent of the class resided in the top 10 percent of their high school, and an obscene 28.1 percent were valedictorians.
Obligatory Diversity Statistics
The College admitted to allowing 'diversity' to drop 2.4 percent this year, with the class of 2008 consisting of 30.4 percent minorities. Despite this, the percentage of international students is at an all-time high of 7.2 percent. Legacies made up another 9.6 percent, while 63.7 percent hailed from public high schools. The College is devoting an estimated $11.7 million towards financial aid this year, with 44.1 percent of students receiving some portion. Though substantial, this percentage is down from the previous two years.
Rides Pimped Across Dartmouth
The Student Assembly's Ride Across Dartmouth program stumbles forth once again, oblivious to the failures of past experience. Last year, SA reintroduced the Big Green Bikes, putting ten communal bicycles into circulation for a campus of four thousand. Needless to say, they were difficult to find. Now, the program will be augmented with five-hundred more vehicles, according to SA President Julia Hildreth. The bikes will be accessible to interested students via lock and key, which they will pay a small fee to receive. With or without a key, SA's new blunder promises to dispose a portion of one's Student Activities fee; seasoned observers are curious to see how far this program goes before once again falling by the wayside.
Dartmouth's Last Great President
President James Wright announced in his convocation address that the new Maynard Street residential complex would be named in honor of the late David T. McLaughlin, Dartmouth's fourteenth president. McLaughlin, who served from 1981 to 1987, passed away August 25th while on a fishing trip in Alaska. Taking a small yet appreciated bite out of the college's housing problem, ground for the David T. McLaughlin Cluster will be broken sometime Spring 2005; it is projected to house 342 undergraduates when it opens fall 2006. McLaughlin's stewardship was essential in securing the Maynard Street site. A memorial service for President McLaughlin is scheduled for 11 a.m. Monday, October 4th, in Rollins Chapel.
Obligatory Crime Statistics
Dartmouth College is required under the Clery Act to release an annual security report. The incident reports published by the Department of Safety and Security for 2003 exhibit certain disturbing developments. One in particular is the increase in the number of burglaries on campus. From 2002 to 2003, the instances of burglary in college residential facilities increased from 16 to 34. During this same period, incidents of burglary in educational facilities increased from 24 to 36.
The incident reports also catalogue the number of alcohol and drug related reports and arrests. While Safety and Security reports of alcohol violations decreased from 529 in 2002 to 424 in 2003, the total number of arrests due to alcohol violations increased from 94 to 115 during the same period. Additionally, while Safety and Security reports of drug-related violations increased from 97 in 2002 to 108 in 2003, the total number of arrests due to these violations decreased from 31 to 6 during the same period.
In the academic arena, the number of cases of disciplinarian action for major academic offences is on the decline. According to the Community Reports released by the Undergraduate Judicial Affairs Office, while the total number of disciplinarian cases increased from 480 to 588 in the past two academic terms, the total number of suspension-level cases dropped from 69 to 54. Likewise, cases of disciplinarian action for violations of the academic honor principle decreased from 29 to 21 within the same period.
Breaking News!
The Daily Dartmouth reported on a September 22nd incident when Hanover police sighted a man wearing black clothes standing on the corner of East Wheelock Street and Rip Road. However, when Hanover police returned to gauge the severity of the standing man situation, the man had disappeared as if he had crossed the street or something.
Ivy League Turns 50
This year the Ivy League celebrates the fifty-year anniversary of the extension of the "Ivy Group Agreement" and its official founding. The IGA included mandates regarding academic and athletic excellence as well as the distribution of need-based financial aid in place of athletic scholarships. Although the IGA was originally signed in 1945, football was the only sport included in its provisions and the first official Ivy League competition would be in 1956.
Bush's Very Derry Day
After spending the last several months focusing on Ohio and other Midwestern swing states, President Bush and his family have made a number of appearances in New Hampshire in the past week, where he currently trails John Kerry by a slim margin. This past Tuesday, Bush's daughters Jenna and Barbara, as well his mother, appeared at Phillips Academy in Exeter. President Bush appeared again in Manchester this Friday. The most notable of President Bush's New Hampshire appearances saw him greeted by a cadre of Dartmouth College Republicans in addition to some residents of Derry, N.H. in a campaign stop September 20th. The town-hall style stump speech included addressing the concerns and comments of local residents on issues ranging from healthcare to small business legislation. Bush also responded to criticism from John Kerry that morning, claiming "Forty-three days before the election, my opponent has now settled on a proposal for what to do next, and it's exactly what we're currently doing." News agencies would later report back on the speech citing a misnomer on President Bush's part: in establishing Saddam Hussein's links to terrorism, he named the killer of Leon Klinghoffer as Abu Nidal instead of Abul Abbas, even though both are essentially terrorists.
Like to Eat Eat Eat Apples and Bananas
Fifteen senior girls at St. Paul's School, in Concord, New Hampshire, were suspended amid allegations of hazing freshmen. According to Bishop Craig Anderson, rector of the school, all of the senior girls "engaged in behaviors that constituted hazing as defined by state law in New Hampshire and as outlined in the student handbook." Reports from the Concord police, who have been investigating potential victims, indicate that allegations include asking the freshmen sexually explicit questions, as well as simulating oral sex on an "object," and "picking pieces of glitter off the floor." Former faculty member Ruth Sanchez likened the treatment of freshmen to "the Abu Ghraib of independent schools." Sanchez, the former Director of Intercultural Affairs, also insists that the girls should have been expelled.
However, letters sent to the administration, by both a parent of one of the suspended seniors, as well the group of girls who were allegedly hazed, denies the occurrence of any hazing. Stated the girls, "...in the basement we were introduced to the 'phrases' of the school and given funny nicknames. There was a voluntary game of 'never have I ever,' in which everyone participated comfortably. We were given candy and had a choice of whipped cream and a banana, or a devil dog. All of the students wanted to participate...meaning that no one was forced." The girls insist their letter was ignored by the administration.
Although she could not decipher what was going on with the glitter, Ms. Sanchez was last seen with several bunches of bananas at a Florida farmer's market.
Nobody Rages Anymore
Jack Daniels has unceremoniously lowered the proof of its Tennessee Whiskey from eighty-six to eighty, a move which has garnered cries of betrayal from enthusiasts, but not before a few drinks to "loosen them up." Eighty proof is standard for most hard liquors, and is equivalent to forty percent alcohol by volume. Distillery spokesman Roger Brashears explains, "We researched it and decided the majority of people want a less potent drink." Unfortunately, the price has remained the same, even though consumers will now have to drink 7.5 percent more of the concoction to achieve the same effect.
Bring Me PC Pansies
The Air Force Academy in Colorado Springs, Colorado bowed to political correctness and permanently replaced a sign bearing the school's motto, "Bring Me Men," from an overpass under which cadets gather to march. The phrase is the opening line to a poem by Samuel Walter Foss, which continues:
"Bring me men to match my mountains, Bring me men to match my plains; Men with empires in their purpose And new eras in their brains."
The sign was installed in 1964, though the motto dates to the Academy's founding ten years earlier. It was removed last year as part of sexual harassment settlement. The new sign will read, "Integrity first. Service before self. Excellence in all we do."