Original Article: http://dartreview.com/archives/2004/11/24/week_in_review.php
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
What Aren't the Kids Pimping These Days?
On November 9th, the Collis Governing Board and the "pimpin' Programming Board" (their phrase) sponsored a rollicking event called "Pimp My Room Bingo." Participants could win "fabulous" prizes "to pimp your room with, including: Playstation 2, Cool Chairs, Lava Lamps, Throw Pillows, Blankets, & More!" At the risk of being labeled something less than 'hip,' perhaps this expenditure was, you know, a waste of money.
Phi Beta Kappas Inducted, Narrowly Averting Catastrophe
The twenty members of the Class of 2005 with the highest cumulative grade point averages were inducted into the Phi Beta Kappa Honor Society on November 2nd. Studying is not glamorous, Christina Yu '05 explained, but it is still worthwhile, if only for admittance to PBK. "I knew I would get in unless something catastrophic happened," she said.
Paying for College
Dartmouth recently kicked off a $1.3 billion capital campaign, the largest in the College's history, grandly entitled 'The Campaign for the Dartmouth Experience.' The staggering sum, over a third of which has already been pledged, will be spent on increased support for full need-based financial aid ($146 million), the construction of long-awaited dormitories, a new dining commons, and a refurbished fitness center ($187 million), but will largely go toward funding the vaguely-described 'academic enterprise' ($736 million). $244 million will be devoted to annual support for the Dartmouth College Fund and the three professional schools. Thus far, there has been talk of increasing the number of professors, but, thankfully, no talk of increasing the size of the student body. Though, according to College President James Wright, the campaign is "by no means a slam-dunk goal,' he expressed confidence that the necessary funds can be raised.
Tomato Famine Hits Dartmouth
An agricultural maelstrom struck the otherwise-calm offices and kitchens of Dartmouth Dining Services, as tomato prices skyrocketed to over $3.00 per pound. The results were tragic. Hundreds of sandwiches went unadorned with their customary slices, as the news slowly leaked that such garnishment was to be specifically requested. As the broad effects of the crisis reverberated throughout Dartmouth, dazed students turned to the Daily Dartmouth for answers. Crack reporter Kevin Garland, spelled it out in black and white: "Students lament lack of vegetable choice at DDS". Garland's anonymous informant grimly called for everyone to "take it week by week". But that convenient mollification did not quench the thirst for answers of some. Daniel Hassouni '05 advanced the self-evident proposition that "sandwiches without tomatoes aren't sandwiches at all," adding "it's whack." Others, Garland reports, were unaffected yet similarly indignant.
Balloons, Open Offices, and Awkward Pauses
Enticing students with offers of free snacks and drinks, "Party at Parkhurst" was a gathering jointly sponsored by the Palaeopitus Senior Society and a variety of administrative offices. The 'Party' was an effort to engage students eager to find out what a "Provost" is, which Dean likes to lounge on the B.E.M.A., and which administrator would be Captain Kirk if he or she was a superhero, as posters for the event promised. Or simply, 'Whoa!', as another promised. Those who attended were greeted by balloons, open offices, and awkward pauses. Friendly to a fault, the administrators, including President Wright, availed themselves of the opportunity to chat. Parkhurst denizens introduced themselves and gave a brief outline of their jobs, before fielding any questions the students had. Interaction ranged from idle pleasantries to serious discussion of College issues, with an emphasis on the former.
Great Job, BuzzFlood, As Always
We are chagrined to report—well, not really, as we'll explain—that Dartmouth College has fallen down the charts in several of the university rankings that are currently so fashionable.
For instance, The Times Higher Education Supplement, an influential English periodical, ranked Dartmouth 138th among the world's top two-hundred universities. The College was last among the Ivies by over a hundred levels. The Times surveyed 1,300 international academics as sort of intercollegiate peer review, and hung the majority of their numbers on this data. Secondarily, it measured citations of faculty research.
However, only the College's vainest could possibly be irked by the outcome. As Professor Richard Wright pointed out, and rightly so, this amounts to little more than a "sweepstakes" that favors large research universities, and this is "pretty useless" for a small college. Rather, the survey affirms Dartmouth's strengths: the College rises considerably if the numbers are treated proportionally, et cetera.
In other ranking news, Newsweek bypassed Dartmouth to tap Yale as the "hottest Ivy." Dartmouth was chosen, however, as the most "Tech-Savvy Ivy." Hooray!
The supposed malaise continues. Dartmouth also dropped in the Princeton Review's 'Best 537 Colleges' publication, which is said to be highly touted. Last year, Dartmouth was ranked in the top twenty of ten different categories (and eight were in the top ten); this year, the College fell completely off three lists, and only landed three top-ten rankings. For example, Dartmouth's 'quality of life' used to be fourth—now it is ninth. Dartmouth's ranking for 'happiest students' used to be third—now it is fifth. Dartmouth, according to PR, is no longer noted for its 'best dorms,' its 'most beautiful campus,' or its 'overall academic experience.' The tabulations are mainly determined by student surveys.
And in a final heartbreaker, a recent survey conducted by the National Bureau of Economics found that Dartmouth was only the tenth most prestigious school among high school seniors! Rating "prestige, status, and recognition," the study found that the eighteen-year-old jet set overwhelming prefers Harvard or Yale and that Dartmouth barely comes limping in behind the two venerable institutions.
We mention this last one only because it seems to coincide—in an almost uncanny way—with the concomitant rise of the BuzzFlood, the student organization dedicated to promoting Dartmouth's "Brand" by "promoting excellence." According to the BuzzFlood, the College is simply not prestigious enough, and it is everyone's duty to do something about it.
For diligent readers, our critique of this ludicrous sentiment is apparent enough, and there's no need to repeat ourselves. However, allow us to provide you with a small example of the sort of lame mentality behind this organization. As part of its effort to promote "excellence," the BuzzFlood regularly lists a broad range of student activities on its website—lectures, discussion groups, showings of the performing or visual arts, and, oddly enough, fraternity parties. Recently, as a joke, a campus fraternity that will go unmentioned told the BuzzFlood that it would be hosting a "lavish masquerade ball." The BuzzFlood's response, quote: "awesome, thanks!!! =) you rock also, on a side note, are ppl wearing masks or something? =P" The event was swiftly posted to www.buzzflood.org.
The charade continued. Week Two: said fraternity would be hosting a "Zany Hat Night… You are encouraged to wear the wackiest, wildest, zaniest hat you can find." Response: "wonderful, thanks for the info! have a lovely evening!" Week Three: "We're having 'Mother Goose and Grim' night. Guests are encouraged to dress up as either a) their mother b) a goose or c) in the grimmest clothes they can find." Response: "Thanks for the info!"
Week Four: "[Fraternity] is having an 'Alphabet Party' on Saturday, from 10-2. Guests should come dressed as their favorite letter, and be prepared to pepper their conversation with that letter as often as possible." Response: "=)"
All of these were posted to the website. Leaving aside the merits of whether a school should have a BuzzFlood in the first place (it shouldn't), is this the kind of 'excellence' you want staffing it?
The Liberal Arts: R.I.P.?
Over Novermber 5th to 7th, Dartmouth hosted a conference on the state of the Liberal Education. It examined such topics as, "the meaning and history of the 'liberal education' as well as its rationales, its creative possibilities, its viability in the 21st century, and its material and institutional support in the US and elsewhere." The conference drew reknowned scholars from California to Germany, most of whom agreed on the importance of the Liberal Arts.
They also mostly agreed on the misfortune of President Bush's reelection, though they failed to address W.'s larger significance to a liberal education.
Student Assembly Finally Addresses the Scourge of Heterosexism
In a great victory over Dartmouth's blatantly heterosexist residential policies, the Student Assembly recently voted overwhelmingly in favor of a resolution backing the creation of an on-campus co-ed housing option for undergraduates. The resolution, drawn up by SA's 'Diversity Affairs Committee,' will finally devote attention to the needs and sensitivities of the College's needy and sensitive community. Clearly, the College's current policy of only permitting students of the same gender to inhabit a room is incompatible with the sensibilities of a 21st-century academic institution.
The measure is similar to the residential programs of other progressive institutions, such as Wesleyan University, which fully support co-ed housing. However, considering the fact that those who live in college housing at Wesleyan must also attend Wesleyan, one must assume these students are fairly miserable.
This did not, however, dissuade supporters of co-ed housing from pushing for its complete implementation. If the resolution is adopted by the administration, co-ed housing could be made available in East Wheelock, the River Apartments, and the soon-to-be-built McLaughlin cluster. Dean of Residential Life Martin Redman spoke out against the resolution for logistical reasons, however, saying that it would complicate living arrangements and was incompatible with the student overturn generated by the D-Plan. The Assembly dismissed his concerns. "Dean Redman isn't in favor of it, so what?" asked Vice President Todd Rabkin Golden '06.
The crisis of heterosexism has insidiously plagued the College's dormitories, unnoticed by both student and administrator alike. Luckily, the Student Assembly's Diversity Affairs Committee recognized this threat to the Dartmouth experience and has once again proven their worth as student representatives.