Original Article: http://dartreview.com/archives/2005/05/13/barretts_mixology.php
Friday, May 13, 2005
Bourbon and Ice
3 oz. bourbon whiskey
Ice cubes
Mix.
My uncle Kensington L. Pickwickshire was, in his hey-day, the finest attorney on the East Coast. Unfortunately, some nastiness during the mid-'80s led to his disbarment. I had always considered this a bit unfair: perjury is, after all, a victimless crime, isn't it? Law being the sole exercise in which old Kenny ever held the mildest interest, he was thoroughly crushed by his forced departure from the trade. So, he withdrew from day-to-day society for the more agreeable business of stewing in his own bitterness. All that aside, the man retains a legal acumen non-pareil.
Having fallen into a bit of legal trouble, I found myself in need of his advice last August and endeavored to find the chap. When looking for Kensington, one must first try The Rusted Toad, a tired old ale-house of no repute where he has become a virtual fixture since the start of his unhappy ordeals. The Toad's management has not exactly caught up to our modern world and is wholly un-amenable to such advancements as basic sanitation, "customer service," and air conditioning. Such oddities ensure a climate as feverish as an Indochinese jungle and only marginally friendlier.
Uncle Kenny was sitting in the corner, per usual, looking nearly as dusty as the Toad itself. Taking a seat next to him, I felt immediately parched, and he summoned the barkeep to aid in my relief. Sadly, one of the conditions of drinking with Kenny is the avoidance of gin—the poor soul is dreadfully allergic to that wondrous fluid and even the slightest whiff can generate appalling reactions. My favorite remedy for oppressive heat, gin-and-tonic, being unthinkable, I instead requested a simple whisky on the rocks. The bourbon helped repel the heat nicely, and the old fellow and I were able to then discuss the business of my predicament. I left the Toad some hours later, perhaps without all of my faculties, but immune to August's scorn and grateful for the precious advice of dear old Uncle Kensington.