Letters to the Editor

Thursday, June 2, 2005

A Contented Alumnus

Sir—

My wife and I are pleased to see that the two conservative candidates were successfully elected to the Trustees.

Mal Youngquist '67, Tu '68

Panda House's Credit Problems

Sir—

The Panda House 'skimming' started long before the current batch of students ever even heard of Panda House. Thanks to your reporting (as well as others I've come across recently), a 10 year old mystery has been solved!

During the 1994-1995 school year, I was the victim of credit-card identity theft, which left me with $1,500 in erroneous credit card charges. Among the charges were several rather large purchases at a cycling store.

Because I frequently ordered delivery from and ate at multiple Hanover establishments, I never found out which establishment ripped me off. (Although I was able to narrow the list of potential criminals down to the employees of local restaurants.)

But now, after 10 years, it appears that it's quite likely that a nasty louse at Panda House was responsible!

You can be sure their deception started long before the recently reported cases (past 3 years). And you can be equally sure that I'm not the only alum out there who's suffered at the hands of "sum yung gai" working at Panda House.

Ironically, Panda House was actually considered quite a classy joint by the townies when I was at Dartmouth.

Paul Lim '96
San Francisco, CA

How to Get Fired From the Daily Dartmouth Without Even Trying

Sir—

For a brief period I covered rugby in our campus' worthless daily newspaper, the Daily Dartmouth. For the most part, I would have to say that my coverage was excellent as it was eloquently penned and poignantly illustrated the action inherent in the spectacular game of rugby.

However despite my spectacular reporting, a controversy began with contention over an issue regarding a fact in one of my articles that the D chose to print. The press release explained how rugby all-star Paul Heintz '06 scored three spectacular tries against Amherst College on April 30th. This fact was also reported in The Dartmouth Review on May 9. This fact can also be confirmed with every rugby player and fan that was in attendance on that Saturday afternoon. However after the press release was published in the D, I received a forwarded interweb blitz mail from my Capitan Jesse Blom '06. The e-mail read as follows:

--- Forwarded message from Benjamin I. Zimmerman
I'm the co-sports editor for The Dartmouth, and we've had some trouble covering rugby lately. Our writer invented a couple of statistics, so we've been forced to let him go - not that we were paying him or anything. Consequently, we were wondering if there was any person, in particular, that you would recommend we contact about writing rugby stories. Preferably, he should not be on the actual team. Thank you for your time.

It is first interesting to note that that I was never aware that I was "employed" by the D. These "reporters" and "editors" seem to get off on controlling the one thing in their pathetic lives that they can control—their pitiful campus newsletter. It is also interesting to note that Benjamin I. Zimmerman '07 is a member of Dartmouth's hopeless student government organization, Student Assembly. He is also one of the masterminds behind their communist transportation program "the Big Green Bikes," that provides students with shared bikes that are often found littered around campus in an inoperable and mangled condition. So it is this man, of little worth or intelligence, that chose to fire me without giving me the courtesy of contacting me first.

Later that afternoon, over two hours after I was told about my "firing" by my capitan, I was informed by Ben Zimmerman of my current state of deplorable poverty and structural unemployment.

--- From Benjamin I. Zimmerman
Hey Tom. Apparently, Paul Heintz did not do the stuff you said he did. Consequently, you can't write for us anymore. If you have any recommendations for a replacement, let me know.

Lies, pure and utter lies—it is interesting to note that Paul Henitz was "fired" recently from his job at the D, because he had someone else come in to do his cartoon while he attended a formal. This was deemed unprofessional, and rather than getting fired for profanity, vulgar content, slander, or the use of animated phalli, his employment was terminated for using a ghostwriter. I am shocked at this, but I was even more shocked when shortly after being officially fired from the D, I received this interweb message from another sports editor for the D, Dana LaMendola '06.

--- From Dana R. LaMendola
i was just informed that my co-editor fired you without my knowledge. that firement has been rescinded, report to me from now on.

Finally, I thought to myself, someone with some intelligence in that damn office. This whole correspondence and course of events was quite humorous to me, so I chose to forward these messages to my fraternity, Phi Delta Alpha. However, I neglected to consider that Colin S. Barry '06, the inept fool who looks like he has Down Syndrome, is the president of the D and is also a Phi Delt. Thus was the web of my own demise as Colin forwarded on my slight mocking of a sorry excuse for a newspaper to the two editors. Thus, through no fault of her own, but rather due to the backstabbing cowardice of Colin Barry, Dana was forced to let me go once again.

-- From Dana R. LaMendola
sorry i am going to have to rescind the rescindment. that was unprofessional on my part to re-hire you like that. thanks for your time, and i apologize for the confusion.

--- Forwarded Message from Thomas M. Monahan

Today I was fired by the D and then rehired by them just over 2 hours later. Colin you need to get control of this place.

Then followed the messages I received from Benjamin I. Zimmerman and the kinder, more intelligent Dana LaMendola.

Thus, my career at the D came to an end. I am a martyr for journalistic integrity as I printed the truth of Paul Heintz's spectacular feats of athletic talent and was fired for it. The blame lays on the foolish self-importance that clouds the minds of many involved with the muckraking campus news rag. I am particularly disgruntled and lay primary responsibility in the lap of the inept moron who is president of this terrible organization. Colin S. Barry is a lame human being and should be avoided at all cost. I have already berated and embarrassed him as best I can and I will continue to do so for the remainder of my college career, at least a bitter self-important loser cannot fire me from that.

Thomas Monahan '06
Hanover, NH

In Your Hart, You Know He's Right

Sir—

I congratulate you on publishing the article "God and Mr. Bush" by Jeffrey Hart in the April 22 issue of the Review. It is heartening (no pun intended) to this Goldwater conservative to see a writer of Jeff's national stature reveal the populist, radical and non-conservative roots of the Bush presidency.

Jack Woods '51
Bernardsville, NJ

More Low-Brow From Gina Barecca

Sir—

You may not know that Gina Barreca regularly engages in amusing low-brow discussions of attitudinal differences between men and women with Gene Weingarten in the Washington Post Sunday magazine. For a professor of feminist theory she seems unusually sensible. I am quite willing to accept the likelihood that her book stinks, though.

Stan Horowitz
Falls Church, VA

The Blog-O-Sphere Responds

Sir—

I would like to introduce myself as one of the bloggers featured in a May 9 story. First I would like to express my surprise at how many people actually read these blogs. I honestly never knew blogging would create such a sensation! The actual story on the blogs, however, was disappointing. All of these entries somewhat used in the article were in fact inside jokes between my friends and me [sic], as evidenced by the referencce [sic] to "MWT," an ambiguous acronym that confused the article's author. This blog was made for entertainment of ourselves as well as an audience, and not to gain any serious criticism. My good friend Chris Jones '08 was accused of many things in this article, all of which I would like to dispute. All of us on this blog are involved with LGBTQ awareness, but it is a far stretch to say that this automatically makes a person homosexual.

As for the overall content and style of the blog, I feel no apologies are necessary. Dartmouth is a stressful place, I think we can all agree on that. Is it so wrong that four students chose to ramble and muse about these stresses on an online blog? Since when did a blog have to follow the format of an academic paper?

I can't speak for the rest of my friends, but I invite all Dartmouth Review staff and readers to visit my own personal blog. It's inane, incoherent, and most of all, a good time. Thank you all for reading! The Randomness bloggers have tried to bring you all the best in entertainment since winter term.

Laura Reyes '08
Hanover, NH

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