Week in Review

Thursday, June 2, 2005

Dartmouth Donors

The Leadership Institute's Campus Leadership Program study, "Deep Blue Campuses," examined donations to political campaigns by staff at the nation's top 25 universities. The results were predictable: Yale staff gave $20 to Kerry for every $1 given to Bush. Other ratios included Duke at $9 to $1, MIT $43 to $1, and Princeton at $302 to $1. Dartmouth's ratio was, well, undefined; no staff gave money to the Bush-Cheney team.

East Wheelock Contretemps IV

Once again, the East Wheelock community has been devastated by an instance of public defecation. Community Director Michael Lord recently sent an e-mail to residents of the dormitory cluster and the two neighboring fraternities, Chi Heorot and Alpha Delta, about the incident, which occurred in a McCulloch Hall elevator.

Lord was quick to point out that he is "*not* pointing any fingers as to who is responsible," and he admits the offending feces could belong to someone's pet.

Harvard 'Diversity'

Harvard President Larry Summers's recent remarks about the possibility of biological differences between men and women have been very costly. Not only has Summers endured intensive criticism, but he recently announced a $50 million initiative to increase faculty diversity and change the way women are treated in the sciences.

In response to this penance, the Center for Equal Opportunity has sent a letter to Harvard, reminding it that hiring the best faculty is a more appropriate goal than creating the most diverse teaching body. In a balanced world, Summers would now spend another $50 million to see how race and gender based hiring policies have detracted from faculty competence.

The Other Red Meat

Cannibalism profiteer Mark Nuckols Tu '06 announced that his new website, www.eathufu.com, is finally live. Nuckols, the founder and CEO of Hufu, Inc., has put a large amount of time and effort into creating flesh-flavored tofu, dubbed "the human flesh alternative" [see TDR 5/9/2005]. The website features Hufu apparel, DVDs, and testimonials from real cannibals.

After a taste-test held May 9, Thaddeus Olchowski '08 pointed out that Hufu tastes suspiciously like "the beef used in the Courtyard Café's burritos."

Let the Eagle Soar

Earlier this month, in an all-to-familiar attempt to achieve ultimate "political correctness," Marquette University's 38-member board of trustees decided that the school would change its mascot from "The Golden Eagle" to "The Gold." Even though no one found "Golden Eagle" offensive, the panel claimed the change further distances the school from its old mascot, "The Golden Warriors," which was deemed too incendiary for the Jesuit institution.

In the week following the decision, the Marquette administration received over 4,000 e-mails and phone calls in protest. The university's trustees met, and in a surprising show of reason, resolved to put the decision to a vote. Over 100,000 students, faculty, and alumni will cast their votes online and the new mascot will be announced on July 1, when the school officially joins the Big East Conference. All "Warriors" votes will be discarded.

Hey, Dartmouth 'Activists'

Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist's "nuclear option" brouhaha, resolved at least for the time being, has reached Dartmouth via e-mail. Meredith Safran, a student heading Princeton's Filibuster Frist event, e-mailed Dartmouth students who were somehow recommended as activists, pleading for them to join the campaign.

The plan was for students to hold "mock filibusters" in their "campus communities." Ms. Safran warned Dartmouth students of the "death of checks and balances" and of judges with a "highly regressive view on the Constitutionality of laws," if Frist's plan were allowed to go through. The "filibuster" recommended is in fact a public reading of "anything people want...It does not matter if you ever attract a crowd at your filibuster—we never did," she assures. Instead, the goal is to "bear witness"—what was known in the olden days as "diarrhea of the mouth."

To trade bons mots with the nonsensically loquacious Ms. Safran, give her cell phone a ring at (609) 468-1809.

Patriot Act Protest Fizzles

A student protest against the USA PATRIOT Act was rained out on May 23. The activists's "inspired ranting" is postponed until less inclement weather.

A protest in favor of minority rule in the Senate was held a month ago on Ledyard Bridge despite heavy rain.

Back to Iraq

On May 17, Time magazine correspondent Vivienne Walt, known for her coverage of "human conflict," discussed post-September 11 Iraq and her experiences during the American invasion and occupation thereof.

Speaking before an audience of students, professors, and Hanover residents at the Rockefeller Center, the Pulitzer Prize-nominated writer made no effort to sugarcoat the situation in Iraq as she expounded on her photographs of American troops interrogating hooded Iraqis and raiding the households of Iraqi families. When asked when she would return to Iraq, Walt commented that it is too dangerous at this point but "there is no substitute for being out there on the front lines."

DAPA Debacle

In a series of events following the alcohol-related death of Deerfield Academy alumnus Lynn Bailey at the University of Colorado, the prestigious boarding school's Health Center invited representatives from Dartmouth's Drug and Alcohol Peer Advisor (DAPA) program to speak. While students expected to hear the cookie-cutter warning about classic alcohol-related disasters, they instead heard a presentation suggesting alcohol abuse is not all that bad.

The leader of the presentation was a Dartmouth freshman, who, after recounting his family's history of alcoholism and the many alcohol-related disasters he experienced at home, explained that he is now developing a "healthy relationship" with alcohol. His lofty goal was to be wary of the potential risks while still enjoying the experience of getting trashed in a frat basement every weekend.

Yet perhaps the most entertaining of the DAPA representatives was a young lady who, among other things, explained that:

a.) She had been placed on probation for substance abuse and had joined DAPA to enhance her law school application

b.) Trying cocaine or ecstasy once or twice really wasn't a big deal

c.) Going to class stoned is fun

d.) Blowing Adderall while drinking makes you feel less drunk

e.) Although she doesn't do much coke anymore, she still enjoys hanging out with the de facto Dartmouth coke dealer

It was clear that this shining example of level-headedness enjoyed the attention she attracted as she recounted her saga of drug abuse, from her fast-paced upbringing on the Upper West Side of Manhattan to her "ragey" Dartmouth experience.

The Health Center later issued an official apology at a school meeting. They asked students to please disregard what they had "learned." According to the Review's correspondent at Deerfield who contributed to this report, "I didn't really mind—if nothing else, the presentation was entertaining. I certainly hope future Deerfield students get to enjoy the DAPA members' tales of life in the Hanover fast lane."

Fo' Shah

Enraged student and campus gadfly Neel Shah '05 recently fired a parting shot in an e-mail to his Professor of Asian and Middle Eastern Studies, Jody Diamond. He also copied the e-mail to the rest of his class. From the e-mail: "And how do girls get away with coming in for 4 minutes at the end of the term, taking a one-on-one Gamelan session, and get A's, when people who spent time to write 10 page papers (pardon the self call, but I know how to write a f***ing paper, and I know mine was good, and displayed a level of scholarship you, sitting around and banging drums, are not capable of) get B's?" Also: "Good luck in your future endeavors. I hope to god [sic] they are not at Dartmouth."

A College, Not a University

Trustee-elect Todd Zywicki '88 recently explained to The Dartmouth Review that the following description of the College's mission, as envisioned by President William Jewett Tucker 1861, encompasses his views as well:

"The colleges with which Dartmouth had been most intimately associated in its early history—Harvard, Yale, and Princeton—had gradually drawn away in the pursuit of their own education ideals. Harvard and Yale had already defined themselves as universities, and Princeton was taking steps to reach the same end. What further development should Dartmouth attempt, consistent with its traditions, and possible of realization? No alumnus of Dartmouth cherished the desire to see the College become a university. Apart from the adverse sentiment which the attempt of the State (in the Dartmouth College controversy), to convert the College into a university had created, it was clearly seen that the limitations of its environment would make the attempt, so far as any satisfactory result might be concerned, quite impracticable. But the purpose was legitimate and practicable, and the opportunity was present, for Dartmouth to expand and to seek to fill to the full the college ideal. This was the purpose entertained, altogether distinct form the ambition to realize the university ideal, but in itself honorable, and satisfying."

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

Some co-eds were spotted in Thayer Dining Hall asking males "Who is hottest upperclass girl at Dartmouth?" for a class survey. When asked who was winning, they responded, "Well, we're disproving our null!"

Darfur Action Group Continues Inaction

Dartmouth's nascent Advisory Committee on Investor Responsibility met last week to discuss the possibility of divesting the College's investments from the Sudan, where government-backed militia groups continue to carry out ethnic cleansing in the Darfur region. Dartmouth currently holds shares in two companies that operate in the Sudan, Alcatel and Siemens. No action was taken at the meeting, although the Committee may make a recommendation to the Board of Trustees in the future.

Professor Ron Green, the committee chair and director of Dartmouth's Ethics Institute, admitted the futility of the actions, though, noting that "Whatever Dartmouth does is not going to end the genocide. This is a complex situation, it's not as though we have a switch we can turn on and off with regard to that."

The Dartmouth Lawyers Association has also published a report, "Winds of Madness," recommending immediate action by the US government, and exploring whether a class-action suit could be brought against the Sudanese government.

Women's Lacrosse Makes Final Four

Dartmouth's women lacrosse team capped off an extraordinary season in the NCAA Final Four last week. The Ivy League champions advanced to the semi-final round of the tournament before falling to top-ranked Northwestern 8-4 in Annapolis, Maryland. Dartmouth had previously defeated No. 5 Georgetown and No. 12 Syracuse in the tournament

Attacker Katieanne Christian '05 was named a first-team All-American, and defender Erin Osborn '05 earned honors as a second-team All-American. Christian finished the season with 3.42 goals per game, making her the nation's fourth-leading scorer and the sixth all-time goal scorer in Dartmouth history.

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