Original Article: http://dartreview.com/archives/2005/07/22/the_witchhammer.php

The Witchhammer

Friday, July 22, 2005

"In the practice of this abominable evil, four points in particular are required. First, to most profanely to renounce the Catholic Faith…; secondly, to devote themselves body and soul to all evil; thirdly, to offer up unbaptized children to Satan; fourthly, to indulge in every kind of carnal lust with Incubi and Succubi and all manner of filthy delights."

Malleus Maleficarum, Part I, Qn. II

The "abominable evil" in question is that evil which outweighs all others: witchcraft. Simply put, it is "that divination, the operations of which are performed by express and explicit invocations of the devil." But that definition, scientific though it may be, does not convey the true enormity of the dark arts. Though witches have tormented man since his earliest days, it was not until AD 1485 that men of good and decent character had a single reliable guide to their many evils.

That was the year when two humble Inquisitors, Heinrich Kramer and James Sprenger, published the Malleus Maleficarum, or The Witchhammer. Propelled by a papal bull from Innocent VIII, empowering its authors to root out German witchcraft, as well as a forged endorsement from the University of Cologne, it slowly grew to prominence as the authoritative volume on witches, their practices, and the methods by which to destroy them. Although the Church never officially recognized the Malleus, it has for centuries provided an invaluable resource for those engaged in hunting and eliminating the heinous conjurers who plague mankind.

Some, however, will wrongly spurn this great gift. Doubtless, they are overly enamored with our Modern World, giving no heed to beliefs that seem "quaint" or even, "backwards." This smacks of the highest folly. By denying the existence of witchcraft, these poor souls leave themselves unprepared for the scourges that witches visit upon the innocent. Moreover, they endanger their very souls, for their opinion "manifestly savours of heresy." So, friend, lest you suffer a dreadful bewitching at the hands of an odious sorceress, you ought best understand witchcraft as a danger non-pareil.

Having accepted the presence of an infernal order of witches, stretched across the globe, and plotting presently against Church, state, and decent society, one should naturally recognize the Malleus Maleficarum as a most invaluable tool. The tome is divided into three parts: firstly, it argues convincingly and exhaustively for the existence of witchcraft (contrary to what the soi-disant "enlightened" may claim); secondly, it explains the nature of different varieties of witchcraft, as well as how they might be remedied; lastly, the volume explains the proper methods for investigating witchcraft and trying a witch. The beginning two sections run parallel, with the first part establishing the existence of certain characteristics of witches, and the second elaborating on them. One should concentrate on these sections, studying them comprehensively for a complete knowledge of the nefarious conjurers.

Foremost, one should be aware of precisely what witches are capable of, and how they perform their evils. Their magic relies upon communication with numerous demons, who perform their spells in return for their allegiance to the Devil. Zoroaster, grandson of Noah, first developed this craft in Persia, and it has spread insidiously since then. Of course, the demons have no need of witches to torment men, but choose to use witches so as to draw souls into perdition.

Demons allure women into witchcraft through appeals to their lust, or by thrusting worldly misfortunes upon them. In the latter case, other witches direct spells against weak-willed women, attacking their cattle or their health. In turn, the victims seek out the aid of witches. The sorceresses grant the aid in return for their souls. That method works well for older women, but there are more effective methods to entice younger girls. Owing to their inclination towards carnal lust, Incubi oft seduce young ladies, sometimes with the help of an older witch. Many recorded cases exist in which a seemingly innocuous older woman leads an innocent virgin to her home under one pretext or another, only to present her to a band of Incubi.

A third recruitment method focuses on those women whom men have spurned. Certain wenches, having already given themselves over to their lovers (most immodestly, at that), in the hope of imminent marriage, find themselves then rejected when their once-lover seeks a more respectable mate. Some of these wretches then turn to demons for protection, either to bewitch their former lovers, or to take part in "every sort of lechery," with devils. The Malleus informs us that "there is no number to such girls."

Once seduced, the witch formalizes a pact with the Devil. While the necessary ceremonies may occur privately, they generally occur at a conclave of witches. At such a gathering, the devil will appear in the form of a man, and the attending witches recommend to him the names of girls who might pledge allegiance. The new witch raises her hand and swears to forsake God, and give herself over to Satan, in body and soul. Once a witch, she is required to copulate with devils regularly.

Given the concentration on women, one might mistake the Malleus Maleficarum for being a work of misogyny—a common charge over the centuries. This is preposterous. If the greatest part of the community of witches consists of women, then to point that out and focus on their misdeeds is not misogynistic, but wholly appropriate.

Furthermore, the volume gives ample explanation as to why female witches so outnumber warlocks. Women, it must be agreed, have no moderation in virtue or vice—if they are virtuous, they are admirable beyond measure, but if they fall to vice, their degradation is boundless. Thus, although women have saved nations and brought great happiness to men, a path to Satan comes naturally after their corruption. Moreover, "all witchcraft comes from carnal lust, which is in women insatiable." Of course, her "slippery tongue" makes a woman unable to hide her knowledge of magic, once she falls into witchcraft and its vile sleazy delights.

Primary to the relationship betwixt witch and demon are Incubi and Succubi. The two are a class of demon dedicated to coition with women and men, respectively, corrupting them and securing their allegiance to Satan. It is unknown whether witches copulated with devils in ancient times, but Incubi have always existed. Formerly, they often forced themselves upon innocent men and women, but in these evil times, they find many happy to bed them. Of course, being wholly spiritual beings, they are unable to naturally procreate, so they employ a clever method to impregnate women. A Succubus lays with a man, taking his semen and preserving it, then transforms into an Incubus, so that he may lie with a woman, and inject the procured semen.

Evils aside, one cannot claim the Incubi are without a sense of humor. They often play tricks on witches' husbands. Commonly, a man will come home to find his wife lying with a demon, but will not realize that he looks upon an Incubus rather than a mortal. In his ignorance, the husband charges the devil, only to have him evaporate, so that the wife can taunt her husband, questioning his sanity and asking if he is possessed!

Despite their most filthy and unnatural acts, it is interesting to note that the Incubi do indeed have standards. Both Incubi and Succubi refuse to commit vices against nature; this includes not merely sodomy, but "any other sin whereby the act is wrongfully performed outside the rightful channel," which they think it shameful to commit. Indeed, it seems they have higher standards than most college students.

Interestingly, although the witches and demons procure numerous souls through sexual means, some of their most common spells inhibit the procreative act. Such spells generally render a man impotent, a method which Demons greatly favor, because "serpents are more subject to magic spells than are other animals." How is an afflicted gentleman to know whether his sorrows are the result of witchcraft? A good rule of thumb is that "when the member is in no way stirred, and can never perform the act of coition, this is a sign of frigidity of nature [between man and wife]; but when it is stirred and becomes erect, but yet cannot perform, it is a sign of witchcraft." This has the effect of driving a wedge between man and wife, enticing them to other carnal evils. Indeed, witches are capable of annulling a marriage, if they cast a spell before the marriage's consummation, and the bewitchment lasts for three years.

Still more frightening a practice is the magical removal of male genitals! Judging by the Malleus Maleficarum's voluminous writings on the matter, it ranks amongst the most customary crimes of witchcraft. Often when the male member disappears, it is not actually removed, but concealed by demonic artifice. All the same, it becomes completely undetectable and inutile. This is generally preferred to the direct removal of the member, because its presence is responsible for much temptation amongst men. Occasionally, witches have even been known to collect great numbers of members, "as many as twenty or thirty members together, and put them in a bird's nest, or shut them up in a box, where they move themselves like living members, and eat oats and corn" They indeed have most evil and frightening abilities.

Women, too, may be subject to spells preventing procreation. Common methods include preventing conception, or conjuring an abortion.

Still more insidious, however, is when witches permit a conception so that they might later prey upon the infant. Notwithstanding the hideousness of the practice, it is one of their most frequent crimes—they dedicate themselves to the destruction of infants on the very night of their initiation. Witch midwives commit, by far, more evils than any other sorcerers: One confessed to the murder of more than 40 children by puncturing their skulls with a needle as soon as they emerged from the womb. Another was caught in Strasbourg, which she was visiting to practice her vile occupation. On leaving the city, the arm of a child fell out of her cloak, betraying her crimes. She confessed to killing more children than she was able to count.

Feasting upon children is perhaps, next to relations with Incubi, a witch's favorite practice. "With our spells we kill them in their cradles or even when they are sleeping by their parents' side, in such a way that they afterwards are thought to have been overlain or to have died some other natural death," confessed a notable witch. She continued, explaining they then "secretly take them from their graves, and cook them in a cauldron, until the whole flesh comes away from the bones to make a soup which may be easily drunk." What abomination! One girl reported that her aunt beat her, after she opened a jar containing the heads of countless infants.

Witches use the infants for further evil purposes, namely flying upon broomsticks. Yes, Virginia, it's true: witchcraft allows its practitioner to travel across astounding distances only by broomstick. Although there have been other claims of women riding great beasts in the night with pagan goddesses, namely Diana, it should be understood that these claims are false, and no serious person could give them any credence; the true method of demonic transportation is broomsticks. After the dead infants have been made into a soup, their remains are turned into an unguent with great power. Witches then spread it upon a broomsticks or chairs, enabling them to use the items to fly through the air.

However, one should not come to believe that witches need broomsticks to fly. It is true, of course, that broomsticks are their primary method of transportation, but demons are able to lift themselves up into the air without the aid of any material object. For example, there is the well-documented case of the professors who gathered to converse and drink beer. They agreed that he who fetched the beer would not have to pay, and so someone volunteered to fetch it; upon leaving, however, he saw an infernal sight outdoors, and refused to go. Another professor—a priest, at that—rose up, saying, "Even if the devil were there, I shall fetch the drink," and left. The others watched as demons lifted him into the air, carrying him to fetch the beer. I have the impression that the authors relay this story with a degree of ambivalence.

Beyond flight, witches have yet more fantastic and infernal abilities: they can bring illness upon men, blight crops and cattle, and even bring tempests down upon the land. One witch, angered that she received no invitation to a wedding, brought a storm down upon the celebration. Witnesses watched as she "made a small trench and filled it with her urine… and stirred it with her finger, after their custom, with the devil standing by. Then the devil suddenly raised that liquid up and sent a violent storm of hailstones which fell only on the dancers and townsfolk." Thankfully, the witnesses reported her crime, and the authorities duly burned her.

More dangerous yet are the charms that witches use against men and livestock. By simply looking at either, she can bewitch both many different ways, from drying up a cow's milk to causing the most grievous illnesses in men. A typical method of bewitchment is to bury certain artifacts beneath the threshold of a house, thereby making its inhabitants sick. The most reliable method to ascertain whether an illness is by cause of witchcraft is to hold a bowl of water above the bewitched person and pour molten lead into it. If the lead hardens into recognizable forms and shapes, the illness is unquestionably demonic in nature.

Witches may further torment men by transforming them into wretched beasts. Of course, these transformations aren't real, for devils haven't the power to change man in that way. Instead, the transformations are an elaborate illusion by which the man changed into an animal, be he dog or ass, loses his abilities of speech and appears as a beast to all who look upon him. There is the notable case of a bewitched man who would nightly become possessed with a demon and retreat to a cave. There, dreams of devouring small children tormented him, and he awoke believing he had committed the crimes. In fact, while he was in the cave, devils possessed an actual wolf, and rampaged throughout the man's village, feasting upon children.

Thankfully, the Malleus Maleficarum provides remedies for the afflictions of witches. Most spells have similar remedies: prayer, the Sign of the Cross, aspiration of Holy Water. And, extreme circumstances may call for exorcism, the exact process of which is described in the volume. (That alone makes it an indispensable house-hold reference.) Though it is not advocated by the book, anecdotal evidence suggests that the most effective way to counter a witch is a direct confrontation. Many have reversed egregious bewitching through threatening the responsible sorcerer. After the confrontation, of course, she will be fit for burning.

However, one must go through certain legal proceedings before any burnings occur, to ensure that the witch truly deserves the flame (which they do, more often than not). The final third of the volume explains how to sensibly conduct a trial for witchcraft. Sadly, ecclesiastical courts have long been unable to mete out punishments with any teeth, so the job must fall to civil courts. Most unfortunately, they, too, can do very little, owing to some troubling twentieth-century developments: the English anti-witchcraft statutes saw repeal in the 1950s, and in 1985, the US Supreme Court declared witchcraft to be protected by the First Amendment! If John and Jonathan lack the spine to counter witchcraft, what hope remains? I fear that the current perversions of our legal system will leave witches with the defense of the state; still, civilization should not allow that most damnable order to tread upon it with impunity. The Malleus Maleficarum is a volume that serves as a proper launching point for a renewed defense against the infernal sorcerers.

Do not allow silly "modern" reservations regarding witch-hunts to prevent proper witch-hunting; the Malleus informs its readers that, "it has never yet been known that an innocent person has been punished on suspicion of witchcraft, and there is no doubt that God will never permit such a thing to happen," i.e.: let 'em burn.