The Week in Review

Friday, August 26, 2005

Tuck Bridge Student Drowns in Connecticut

The body of Valentin Valkov was recovered from the Connecticut River around on 12:30 pm on August 13. Valkov, a student enrolled in the Tuck Business Bridge Program, was reported missing early the previous morning after he and fourteen other classmates attempted the "Ledyard Challenge" in celebration of the conclusion of the summer program. For those who might be unaware, the "Ledyard Challenge" is the traditional practice of stripping naked, swimming across the Connecticut, and running back across the Ledyard Bridge before being caught by the ever-watchful eyes of Dartmouth Safety & Security.

The Hanover Police Department's report noted that "At approximately 2:21 a.m., Hanover Police and Fire departments responded to the Connecticut River in the area of the Ledyard Bridge for the report of a male swimmer who was drowning," but the issue quickly became one of recovery as both state and local officials searched the river. It was not until the next day that the body was recovered using an underwater camera.

Tuck School Dean Paul Danos maintains he and his staff are not aware of a "Ledyard Challenge", and both the College and Hanover Police acknowledge that policies regarding the Connecticut River are unlikely to change. Policies against use of the river at night are already in place, but realistically, enforcement is limited to the discretion of students. Our deepest condolences go out to Valkov's family and friends.

Consensual Sex Enjoyed By All

The Sexual Abuse Peer Adviser Program, along with a panoply of campus organizations, hosted Consent Day for the third consecutive year on August 5. The event, dedicated to letting Dartmouth students know that "Consensual Sex is Hot," featured ubiquitous bright-orange tee-shirts and free libations. In the name of stopping sexual abuse, scores of students stood around, took in the mediocre music, and ate Ben and Jerry's ice cream. In order to receive the free tee-shirts, students had to answer several trivia questions about sexual abuse and sign a pledge to have only consensual sex. Repeated queries to event organizers about what consequences would befall any students who broke the pledge were unanswered.

Spalding '76 to Head Alumni Relations

The College announced last week that David Spalding '76 will become the new Vice President for Alumni Relations, following the departure of Stan Colla '66 Tu '86. Spalding, the vice chairman of Cypress Group LLC, a New York private equity firm, is also the chairman of the Make-A-Wish Foundation of New York. While on campus, Spalding was a brother of Alpha Delta fraternity. We wish him luck in repairing the administration's fractured ties to the alumni community—he'll certainly need it if the administration keeps up their antics.

Dallek to Teach in Fall

Noted presidential historian and summer Montgomery Fellow Robert Dallek will return to Hanover this fall term to teach two classes in the government department. Dallek, who is interviewed on pages six and seven of this issue, is the author of numerous books on the American presidency, including biographies of Lyndon Johnson, John F. Kennedy, Franklin Roosevelt, and a forthcoming biography of Richard Nixon. Incoming freshmen, take note: his Government 35 class, "The American Presidency," still has open spaces. He will also be teaching a seminar, Government 81.16 "War and Peace: American Decision-Making in the 20th Century," which will be available by permission only.

Dartmouth to Host Portsmouth Treaty Conference

On September 8-10, Dartmouth will play host to "Portsmouth and Its Legacies," a conference discussing the background and making of the Treaty of Portsmouth. Signed in 1905, the treaty ended the Russo-Japanese war and earned Theodore Roosevelt the 1906 Noble Peace Prize. Pultizer Prize-winning historian John Dower will be giving the keynote address at 7:30 pm on September 8, which will be followed by the presentation of eight papers commissioned for the conference, and the signing of an agreement between the American, Russian, and Japanese medical communities for greater co-operation in northeast Asia.

Freshmen To Be Given High-Tech Gadgets

When the class of 2009 reaches campus this fall, they won't be forced to carry around beanies, as in the days of yore. Rather, they will be issued with "eTokens," a key-like USB device that plugs into computers to establish their unique identity. About the size of a house key, Computing Services recommends that the eToken should "probably sit on your key ring next to your office or dorm key." While using their e-mail user name and password had been working just fine for most current undergraduates, we confidently expect that members of the class of 2010 will be implanted with radio-chip transmitters � la Tommy Thompson so that the administration can keep track of their whereabouts at all times.

Buzzflood Alert

Despite the vainglorious efforts of the Buzzflood devotees, Dartmouth ranked ninth in the US News and World Report rankings of American universities for the sixth consecutive year. Harvard and Princeton are tied for first, followed by Yale at third, the University of Pennsylvania was ranked fourth, Duke and Stanford at fifth, CalTech and M.I.T. at seventh, and Dartmouth and Columbia in the ninth spot. SUNY-Cornell came in at #13, with Brown rounding out the bottom of the Ivy League at #15.

Rogue Defecator Strikes Again

Recently College custodians discovered human feces spread on the stalls and toilets of a South Mass bathroom. While possibly an unfortunate accident, it was likely another deliberate effort to defecate in a place not intended for feces. Previously such incidents had appeared limited to the East Wheelock cluster [see TDR 3/11/05] but the escalation to South Mass has alarmed many. As a shocked Elizabeth Kim '07 told the Daily Dartmouth, "there's poop everywhere, and we don't know why." Shreya Patel '07, however, has had enough of the extra-toiletal feces, exclaiming that "I just want it to stop." So do we, Shreya, so do we.

Marine Author To Visit Hanover

Nathaniel Fick '99, author of One Bullet Away, a forthcoming description of his time serving in the First Marine Recon Battalion in Afghanistan and Iraq, will be in Hanover on November 11, Armistice Day. He will be signing copies of his book at the Dartmouth Bookstore.

New Plastic Containers: Campus Reaction

The summer has brought change across campus: construction on Webster Avenue, the McLaughlin Cluster and Tuck Mall, new library hours, and most importantly, the new plastic take-out containers at Food Court. Aaron Schlosser '07 remarked, "The new take-out boxes are a lot thinner than the old ones, and if you go double on a special, they do bend significantly." Some Food-Court-goers have even been injured by the new addition. Gabriel Holiway '07 claims that he was burned as a result of the containers. While leaving Food Court with take-out pasta special, Holiway said, "I was burned, my hands almost blistered by the scorching heat under the container. It makes me wish I didn't like DDS pasta so much, Ha-Ha!"

Review President Kevin Hudak '07, a frequent patron of Food Court, showed the staff the numerous paper-thin cuts on his right forefinger, complaining, "Every time I get something to go, by the time I get home the thin plastic is already melted together. I slash my fingers because it takes so much effort to wrench the container open and reveal the veritable cornucopia of deliciousness within."

TDR Sports Round-Up

Dartmouth Croquet League play resumed the weekend of Sunday, August 14th in honor of the 60th anniversary of V-J Day as well as to grieve the 58th anniversary of the creation of Pakistan by Britain. President Emeritus T. Henry Camp '04 and Editor in Chief Michael J. Ellis '06 faced off against J. Stethers White '07 and Jacquelyn Greaney '07. It was Greaney's first foray into League play, making her the focus of attention, cat calls, and dirty humor. A seersuckered Stethers started the game with a rather unconventional move—opting to stroke with the side wall of the mallet rather than the traditional circular head. The move helped him to get an early lead, rushing the first two wickets in his first stroke, placing the yellow ball exquisitely close to the third wicket, and then passing the wicket. Camp remarked that, "He must be compensating for something with these ridiculous strategies."

Maddened by Stethers' unconventional play, Camp stepped up to the first peg and followed suit, but opted to hit Stethers' ball before passing the third wicket. Needless to say, he sent it across the street from the middle of the Green, though he claimed "The scuff on my calfskin golf shoes was almost worth the look in his eyes as I eliminated him." The game was quick and concluded in time for cointreau and plover's eggs in the Tower Room, though it took Greaney three attempts to peg out, each one from within a few feet. MVP Camp exclaimed at game's end, "Get Greaney away from my roving ball!" in his classic southern patois.

The Review has also begun fielding a badminton squad this term, led by racquet sports impresario Managing Editor Kale Bongers. President Hudak, Editor Ellis, and President Emeritus Kluender have also become recent devotees of the sport, working their way to solid mediocrity. In match play on Tuesday evening, Kluender, who "had not been on a regulation court in quite some time" and Bongers narrowly fell to Hudak and Ellis, by a score of 15 to 12.

In a post-match news conference,Hudak attributed his victory to "superior footwork," copious quantities of Power-Ade, and long hours of practice spent whacking the 'cock. Bongers and Kluender, crushed by their defeat, were unavailable for comment.

The Week in Review

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