Original Article: http://dartreview.com/archives/2005/11/22/the_week_in_review.php

The Week in Review

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Unfunny Man Bores Small Audience

On Thursday night, a half-filled Spaulding Auditorium hosted Jamie Kennedy, the comedian best known for his work on the Jamie Kennedy Experiment and the outstanding film Malibu's Most Wanted. As the lights dimmed almost 20 minutes behind schedule, the audience was greeted by an opening routine from Al Berman. The act was funny, thanks to Mr. Berman's voice, demeanor, and material; the highlight was a jaw-dropping impersonation of a crying baby.

After the opener, Mr. Berman introduced Mr. Kennedy, only to be echoed by another introduction from a mysterious booming voice. Amid this obscenely forced scenario, Mr. Kennedy made his entrance, looking like a cross between a pot-smoking college drop-out and Seth Green. To the dismay of the audience, Mr. Kennedy would prove to have all the intelligence of the former and none of the ability of the latter.

The first part of Mr. Kennedy's act involved impersonations of the most absurdly clichéd variety, ranging from a hair-fondling Ashton Kutcher to a "Hey"-shouting Eddie Murphy. Most indicative of Mr. Kennedy's prowess were a mumbling Ozzy Osborne and a gay Harry Potter, topped with the self-explanatory: "Hey Ron, do you want to see my magic wand?"

Later, perhaps in desperation, Mr. Kennedy turned to the audience in search of original material that he could not come up with on his own. Conveniently, Mr. Kennedy located a porn-watching 12 year-old boy in the front row and embarked on a tediously drawn-out conversation. Phrases such as "big man" and chastisements of the mother failed to entertain the audience. Later in the show, another 12 year-old shared his experiences with dating. Although this story of pre-teen note-passing romance offered a whiff of nostalgia, it failed to establish Mr. Kennedy's credibility.

In the last segment, Mr. Kennedy urged audience members to "heckle" him, claiming a need for footage for an upcoming film. The audience was grateful for this emotional release and utilized it to the fullest advantage. Shout-outs ranged from "Bring back the fat guy" (in reference to Mr. Berman) and "Get off your knees, you're blowing the show." When Mr. Kennedy suggested that he would end the show with a funny joke, someone yelled: "You haven't told one yet. Why start now?"

In the midst of the heckling, Mr. Kennedy thanked the audience and left the stage. Several students interviewed after the show were unable to account for this abrupt exit. However, there was a general consensus that the $10 price of admission might as well have been flushed down the toilet into a cesspool of regurgitated stand-up boot. If you really want someone to feign a Chinese accent or tell a priest joke, that obnoxious kid on your floor will do it for free. The Programming Board may even foot the bill.

Just Asking

In a recent proposal, the GLBTQFSA called for the "the termination of the ROTC" because the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy of the ROTC is purportedly "discriminatory" towards students of alternative sexual preference. Barring the fact that only Congress can change this policy, the BLTs' stance on discrimination towards the ROTC was hypocritical, considering that "discrimination" against the ROTC by the College has forced the six members to train in Norwich?

Pickering Visits Campus

Thomas Pickering, the former American ambassador to Israel, India, Russia, and the United Nations, among others, came to the College to speak on foreign policy as part of the Dickey Center's termly Great Issues series. In a pre-speech lunch at the Hanover Inn, Pickering briefly discussed the nation's most pressing foreign policy concerns, the "three Is": Israel, Iraq, and Iran. Following his remarks, Pickering displayed his intellectual range by fielding questions from the audience; in the course of fifteen minutes, he not only dissected the United States's misguided diplomatic lead-in to the War in Iraq, but also discussed American nuclear intelligence regarding Iran and the existence of the Communist states of Cuba, Vietnam, China, and North Korea.

All told, it was a worthwhile visit by America's most distinguished living diplomat, one that made all the more evident the need for a full-scale revival of the "Great Issues" course, as envisioned and taught under John Sloan Dickey's tenure.

Watch Your Head, Falling Prices

On November 15th, as part of a national effort led by MoveOn.org and Brave New Films, the Dartmouth Hunger and Homelessness Awareness Week group sponsored a screening of Wal-Mart: the High Cost of Low Prices. Unfortunately, it didn't quite live up to claims to be "an extraordinary journey that will challenge the way you think, feel... and shop." The 95-minute movie consists almost entirely of former employees and concerned citizens describing the various ways Wal-Mart is destroying America interspersed with old Wal-Mart ads and the occasional statistic. Though similar in style, it had less of the focus, cohesion, and solid evidence of a Michael Moore film. The movie presents a hodgepodge of social ills and problems – family run hardware stores closing, sweatshop workers suffering, environmental hazards – that it proceeds to blame on Wal-Mart. In fact, one of the last sections of the movie seemed to blame the CEO for every crime that occurred in a Wal-Mart parking lot. The movie then proceeded to list each of those incidents.

Interestingly enough, some of the questions posed by former employees are answered in the movie. While workers ask why Wal-Mart pays lower wages than other stores, an employee in a hardware store derides Wal-Mart because its employees lack expertise. Workers and shoppers asked why Wal-Mart would hire illegal immigrants, to which Jon Stewart replied, "Lady, you just bought a sweater for 29 cents." There were also a few questionable accusations, such as calling Wal-Mart the company most opposed to unions in the history of the United States, saying it costs taxpayers 1.55 trillion dollars every year, or accusing it of having a monopoly. The movie ends in a particularly touching moment as activists stop Wal-Mart from building a new store on…a vast, empty L.A. parking lot. So what's the point? According to the website, "The point we are making in the film, a point that is supported by a wealth of evidence present and not present in the film, is that Wal-Mart, in the final equation, hurts rather than helps [small] businesses." Quite a scathing indictment.

East Wheelock Contretemps V

Once again, the East Wheelock community has been hit by disaster. East Wheelock Administrative Assistant Judith P. MacNeil recently sent an e-pistle to residents in the dormitory cluster pleading for the return of "all the pots and pans from the McCulloch closet."

The members of the East Wheelock community were temporarily unable to concoct delicious culinary creations in their spacious kitchen. Four residents broke down crying. Several more were seen consoling those who were unable to cope in the face of such overwhelming adversity.

Maya Angelou was unable to be reached for comment.

F-ing Up the Ineffable

For your reading enjoyment, here is the response from the architect of the East Wheelock cluster when a resident inquired about the interesting architecture:

Thank you for your question. The circles were designed to offer different views and perspectives as one ascended or descended the stairs. It is a bit of a hide and seek game to offer the occupants of the building a shared community space and a timeless experience of seeing and being seen. It is an attempt to use the timeless patterns of human behavior; elements which don't change in a fast-changing world. The circle is timeless. A connection can be made to moon shapes but it is in the eye and mind of the beholder. You've made a real connection to our intent...part of which is the ineffable.

By 'part,' does he mean 'all'?

Obnoxious, We Know

One Jessica Chervin e-mailed to campus a plea for justice and mercy:

My wallet was either lost or stolen in the library yesterday. It is a small brown Louis Vuitton wallet (obnoxious, I know). You may keep as a reward all the cash that was in there. Please return it to the information desk at Berry Library. If it has not been returned by midnight tonight, I will file a report with the Hanover Police. Thank you for your help in this matter.

Bribery and the law--these weapons alone can stave off the plight of the monied classes.

But Isn't A BLT Traif?

So-called Rabbi, Sharon A. Kleinbaum, senior pastor of Congregation Beth Simchat Torah in New York City, dropped by the Dartmouth campus last Wednesday. Her topic? The oh-so powerful corrective that the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender Jewish movement has against radical right-wing conservatives. Give the obvious size and clout of the Jewish BLT movement, one is left to wonder if the talk was perhaps an exercise in gross superfluity.

And so it was.

Comrade Kleinbaum views the "greatest obstacle for workers, gays, lesbians, and human beings to live fully realized lives" to be "reactionary religion." Amidst all the hyper-liberal claptrap, her true vision, videlicet, "…to countermand what the Bible says in Leviticus," was made clear.