Barrett's Mixology

By Andrew Eastman | Friday, February 10, 2006

The Plague

8 oz. Keystone Light
Warm air and humidity, for fermentation

Allow Keystone to come slowly to room temperature. Open and pour slowly into plastic cup. Garnish with foam. Serve warm and repeatedly until symptoms abate.

Several fortnights into what would soon become the most dreary winter of my life, I was laid unmercifully low with a sudden and vicious case of mysterious ailment, later identified by my physicians as a plague of unidentifiable, but still remarkably miserable, nature. As the days grew longer and my condition more insufferable, it became clear that I was afflicted with not one but no less than four separate plagues, each more miserable than the one before.

Late into one night of medical consultation with four hardy gents, gents in fact so hardy that their faces may have graced “t-shirts” as Hardy Gents and been marketed through the commercial juggernaut that is HardyGentsTees.com, I was reminded of my dear mother’s ancient maxim, “Feed a cold, starve a fever.” Reasoning that my plagues were not quite a cold but that I could not go without sustenance indefinitely, I resolved to compromise and feed my plagues a stout and heady ale. Although they remained unchangingly miserable for some time and were a constant shackle on my time and goodwill, they were eventually thoroughly whipped through repeated ingestion of this warmed concoction, much to the betterment of all concerned.

Barrett's Mixology

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