The Week In Review

Friday, February 10, 2006

Applications Rise Ten Percent

The five-year trend of increases in the number of undergraduate applications has continued as applications for the class of 2010 rose 10 percent from last year’s numbers. Early decision applications were up 12 percent, and international student applications were up 19 percent. Undergraduate Dean of Admissions and Financial Aid Karl Furstenberg attributes the increase to several factors, including an increase in the population of graduating high school students, publicity from sources including the New York Times and Fox’s “The O.C.,” and the availability of an online application. More than 70 percent of the almost 14,000 applications were filed online. Though a larger applicant pool typically results in a lower yield, Furstenberg anticipates that the rate will hold at about 50 percent this year as it has for the last five years.

Hipster Hearings Begin

Just in time for Winter Carnival, TDR will begin proceedings to investigate suspect persons who are believed to have infiltrated Dartmouth College. All called before the committee, to be chaired by repentant hipster James Panero ‘98 will be asked the following question: “Are you now or have you ever been a hipster?” Thanks to anonymous tips from readers of the last issue, we have now compiled a list of 57 known hipsters. Or is it 81? We forget which. Anyhow, Editor in Chief Michael J. Ellis refused to print their names, saying that “If I were to give all the names involved, it might leave a wrong impression. If we should label one man a hipster when he is not a hipster, I think it would be too bad.”

Southern Calendar 101: Part II

President’s Day, typically observed in honor of the neighboring birthdays of George Washington and Abraham Lincoln, is celebrated in the South, unlike MLK Day. However, it is typically referred to as George Washington Day. Lincoln must have done something drastic to get himself cut out of the equation.

Whither the Natives?

The tides of political correctness have indeed begun to ebb: recently even the New York Times has eschewed its traditional “Native American” label for the nation’s indigenous peoples in favor of the more chic (and commonly-used) “American Indian.” Even the federal government has supported the shift, most notably in the 2004 dedication of the National Museum of the American Indian on the Mall in Washington. These actions, only the latest in a long string of defections, will soon render Ivy League faculty members the only group still feebly clinging to their beloved, “non-offensive” vocabulary when referring to the indigenous.

Prof. Shaiko Monitors Palestinian Elections

Ronald G. Shaiko, esteemed professor of government and election advisor, spoke this past week about the decisive Hamas victories in the Palestinian elections held earlier this year. His talk focused on the Palestinian election process, the demographics of the Palestinian people, and most importantly, what the future holds for Palestine and Israel under Hamas control.

Shaiko, while acknowledging “dismal outcome” of the election for the Western powers, showed cautious optimism about Hamas control. He pointed out that Hamas is a “clean party” free of corruption, and that Hamas may be willing to establish a “truce” with the Israelis—ending the exchange of violence between the opposing states.

As the only American election worker in the Palestinian elections, Shaiko praised the election process. While he found a number of minor flaws concerning voter turnout in certain districts, as well as an illegal police presence within the voting stations, overall the elections were peaceful and their results credible.

While Hamas claimed a historical victory, all is not well within the party. “Hamas did not want to govern” Shaiko said. With a large deficit and threat of a mass pullout of UN and foreign support, Shaiko believes that Hamas will have to make concessions with Israel and the West if they hope to survive.

However, even though the West and the UN are not pleased with the election turnout, Shaiko pleaded the flow of aid to Palestine must not stop. As half of the Palestinians population is under the age of 14, Shaiko ended his presentation with an emotional appeal, pointing to a slide of flag waving youths and saying “This is what Palestine is all about—it’s a bunch of children.” The best way to deal with Palestine, in Shaiko’s opinion, is to freeze the Hamas government out, but not at the expense of the Palestinian people.

Moderate Arab Intellectual Speaks, No Riots Reported

Middle Eastern intellectual Sadik al-Azm spoke at Dartmouth Hall on Friday, January 27. Descended from the Syrian elite, al-Azm is fluent in three languages: English, German, and Arabic.

Famous for his scholarly articles concerning cultural biases between the East and West, al-Azm covered a wide variety of topics in his speech, ranging from the pros and cons of Arabic to the role of Islam in the modern Middle East. The bulwark of al-Azm’s presentation regarded the inherent danger of the study of other cultures. Orientalism, in al-Azm’s opinion, has been the primary source of Middle Eastern stereotypes by the West. Similarly, Occidentalism, the study of Western cultures by Eastern, is “self-defeating” in that it is simply “Orientalism in reverse.”

Al-Azm, an active progressive, harshly criticized the Taliban style of Occidentalism, which justifies brutality as a part “sacred tradition.” He also classified Islamic terrorism as a folly in its practice, one that is “heedless of its future consequences, including Islamism itself.”

Known for his work critiquing Edward al-Said’s work, Orientalism, al-Azm used the speech to further his critical analysis of Said. In particular, he noted Said’s remarks regarding Arabic as a language that says nothing “with enormous eloquence.” Al-Azm, acknowledging the partial truth of this remark, remarked that the inherent ambiguity of the language would serve well in a world that is itself ambiguous.

The Syrian scholar noted the change that has occurred in the “master-slave” relationship in modern society. In previous eras, the “master,” or privileged elite, welcomed danger and controlled his own destiny while the “slave,” or lower class, was “deprived of death and destiny.” However, in what he called today’s modern “overprotective society,” the slave has switched roles with the master. Thus, the current state of warfare is the desperate fighting while the elite are largely removed from combat.

Facebook Fiasco I

In its February 3 edition, the Daily Dartmouth printed a story entitled “Police Use Facebook to Make Arrests.” The article stated that the Hanover Police use the popular www.facebook.com website to track down hardened College-affiliated criminals. The following Monday, the newspaper printed a correction, citing a confusion between the Facebook (a website) and the Green Book (a College publication). Apparently, Chief Nicholas Giaconne was “unaware of the popular student website,” and used the term “facebook” in reference to the Green Book, a listing of all freshmen’s names, photographs, and addresses.

The article, despite its inaccuracy, sent apocalyptic shockwaves through the student body. It prompted First-Year Dean Leigh Remy to send out a blitz warning students about “on-line identity and illusions of privacy” and providing links to two recent articles on the subject. Many panicked students, fearing irreparable damage to their futures, promptly removed incriminating photos and information from their profiles. Several prominent Facebook groups saw their membership dwindle, as students severed affiliations with such notorious groups as “I Pre-Game for Everything,” “Upper-middle Class White Kids Who Smoke Pot and Listen To the Grateful Dead and Phish,” and “BuzzFlood.”

The Dartmouth Facebook community also lost several members who felt unsafe knowing that H-Po is now aware of the website. Osama Bin Laden, Saddam Hussein, and Illegal Arab, who had been using the message feature to coordinate jihad activities against the West, had no choice but to terminate their accounts. Meanwhile A.J. Fox ’09, the author of the spurious article and a convicted social deviant, defiantly chose to maintain his association with many subversive Facebook groups, including “Disillusioned With America,” “Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster,” and “Upstate New Yorkers.”

Thanks to the sloppy journalism of the Daily Dartmouth , the Hanover Police can now take advantage of the e-mail accounts they were supposedly sold by the College and track down the delinquents lurking in our midst.

Facebook Fiasco II

But while Hanover’s finest might not be perusing Facebook to catch criminals, Ole Miss campus police certainly are. Three University of Mississippi students were recently punished for a violation of their school’s “appropriate use policy.” Their violation concerned the formation of a Facebook group, the name of which is withheld for privacy reasons, that insinuated the students’ desire to engage in sexual relations with a professor. When the professor found out about the website, she informed campus police, who demanded the officers of the group to shut it down.

In response, Ole Miss Students have pre-emptively taken down similar Facebook groups dedicated to their first cousins.

Food Court Larry to Retire in June

Larry James, one of Food Court’s most well-liked managers and generally a great guy announced his retirement this week. A large, multi-page farewell card stands in the front of Food Court for those who wish to leave their best wishes. The staff of The Dartmouth Review and Kevin Hudak ’07 wish you a happy retirement, my friend.

Dank Nuggets?

Food Court has begun serving a new brand of that most enduring and multi-faceted of foods—the chicken nugget. According to a DDS manager, the previous brand of nuggets were difficult to count, owing to the fact that they were of irregular shape and often stuck together. As a result, students were often receiving more nuggets than they were supposed to. The new nuggets, in contrast, are eerily regular in shape and seem to be working well. Just before press time, a Review informant observed Food Court manager Larry James auditing an order to nuggets at the cash register. Thankfully for all concered, it contained the proper number. Reviews on their taste, however, are mixed: some students miss the distinctive crispiness of the old nuggets, which were seconds from the McDonald’s vendor.

Merkel’s Job Unsustainable

On January 26 concerned students of all shapes and sizes gathered at Epsilon Kappa Theta Sorority to share snacks and be regaled by Dartmouth’s new Director of Sustainability, Jim Merkel. Though the theme of the evening was ostensibly making Dartmouth’s Greek houses “sustainable,” Merkel instead chose to stick to the same script he outlined in his first public appearance last spring [see TDR 6/2/2005]. At one point, Merkel challenged students with the utopian vision of “sustainable” pong, though he made very little effort to add ideas or provide students with any indication as to how his office could help make that conception or any other conservationist’s dream a reality.

Perhaps the solution to how to make the Greeks eco-friendly lies in replacing a game predicated on excess, like pong, with one of patient enjoyment, like Stratego, for instance. While students were able to place some sensible proposals on the table, such as expanding current recycling programs and making bio-degradable cups an option for the concerned alcoholic, it gradually became apparent to all that Merkel was not even remotely aware of how the campus recycling program is administered. A sure-fire means for Dartmouth to conserve at least $5,000 a year and help the oxygen cycle would be to replace Mr. Merkel with a tree.

Indian Olympians Go For Gold

Four Dartmouth students and alums will be representing three nations as they compete in the Alpine Skiing competition at the upcoming Torino Winter Olympic Games. According to Dartmouth’s official newsletter, this raises the number of Dartmouth affiliated competitors to 13 for this year’s games, nearly half of the entire Ivy League’s count of 27 competitors. Dartmouth athletes have participated in every Winter Olympics since 1924.

Bells Are Ringing

Tuck professor emeritus John W. Hennessey, 80, is scheduled to wed former Vermont governor Madeleine Kunin, 72, on Feb. 12. Kunin served as the state’s first female chief executive from 1985 to 1991 and as U.S. ambassador to Switzerland from 1996 to 1999. Hennessey taught business management at the College for 30 years and served as interim president of the University of Vermont in 1990.

Fraternity Council Rejects AEPi’s Bid

The Inter-Fraternity Council voted by a closed ballot last week not to back the proposal of Alpha Epsilon Pi, a national Jewish fraternity, to establish a chapter at Dartmouth. Sources close to the Council report that dissatisfaction with the proposal emerged when AEPi’s backers presented exaggerated estimates of student and alumni support.

For those reading over at ORL, the brothers of Zeta Psi fraternity continue to own a house, posses a network of alumni supporters, and seek recognition from the College. Just a thought.

A Queer Eye For Admissions?

Dartmouth’s Gay-Straight Alliance recently teamed up with the Cutter-Shabbaz House to offer a discussion on whether homosexuals should be included in affirmative action programs. The discussion, however, failed to offer a concrete reason as to why, exactly, any college would want to give homosexuals added preference in admissions. Many of the gay students present themselves had trouble coming up with a justification for queer affirmative action beyond the need to express oneself, and the rather odd justification that affirmative action policies would help Dartmouth collect better statistical information about its students. Apparently, a college application doesn’t already have sufficient opportunities to do either of those.

Unintentionally Hilarious

Daily Dartmouth headline, February 7, 2006: “First-Years Lack Sexual Assault Resources.”

Apparently the editors at the D don’t think that Dartmouth students gain the necessary tools for sexual assault until their sophomore year.

The Tape Recorder

How on earth do I turn it off?

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