Original Article: http://dartreview.com/archives/2006/04/07/gordon_haffs_last_word.php
Friday, April 7, 2006
“The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax.”
—Thomas Robert Dewar
“No man’s life, liberty or property are safe while the legislature is in session.”
–Judge Gideon J. Tucker
“My father taught me to work; he did not teach me to love it.”
–Abraham Lincoln
“Party boat becomes death ferry.”
–CNN Headline
“I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”
—Ralph Waldo Emerson
“You can see our respect for women by the fact that we have pledged to pay working women, even though they don’t have to work.”
—Taliban Information Minister Amir Kan Muttaqi
“Keep your face in the sunshine and you can never see the shadow.”
—Helen Keller
“You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.”
— Dean Martin
“If you’re going through hell, keep going.”
—Walt Disney
“Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.”
—Albert Einstein
“Cat on parallel bars one great purr-former.”
–CNN Headline
“A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.”
—Sir Winston Churchill
“I’m all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let’s start with typewriters.”
—Frank Lloyd Wright
“The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.”
—Bertrand Russell
“Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.”
—Oscar Wilde
“Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but the thing dies in the process and the innards are discouraging to any but the pure scientific mind.”
–E.B. White
“Nietzsche was stupid and abnormal.”
– Leo Tolstoy
“A good man is a good man, whether in this church, or out of it.”
—Brigham Young
“A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.”
—Fats Domino
“Biochemically, love is just like eating large amounts of chocolate.”
–John Milton
“War is an ugly thing but not the ugliest of things; the decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feelings which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. A man who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself.”
–John Stuart Mill
“A hippie is someone who looks like Tarzan, walks like Jane, and smells like Cheetah.”
— Ronald Reagan
“No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman.”
— Honore de Balzac
“Anyone who knows anything of history knows that great social changes are impossible without feminine upheaval. Social progress can be measured exactly by the social position of the fair sex, the ugly ones included.”
— Karl Marx
“I admire the serene assurance of those who have religious faith. It is wonderful to observe the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.”
— Mark Twain