Friday, April 21, 2006
Volume 26, Issue 11

You Are Cordially Invited...

Following is a copy of the invitation which the Board of The Dartmouth Review, extended to President Wright both as a courtesy and as a recognition of his stewardship of the Cllege. Wright politely declined by means of a personal phone call, citing a previous committment.

Steeling the Election

Last month, twelve thousand ballots flowed into the office of Michael McGeehan, secretary of the College, in the second trustee election in Dartmouth history. Seven thousand of those ballots were cast for petition candidate Dr. John Steel. Assuming Steel is rubber-stamped by the board when they meet this weekend, Steel is the next rustee of Dartmouth College.

What's Wrong With Affirmative Action?

The rationale for affirmative action is intuitively sound. Blacks have suffered environmental disadvantage arising from a history of discrimination and racial abuse, and even today they are accosted by racist provincialists. It seems quite sensible to institute some form of aid to enable blacks to combat the societal retardation they face, and to enjoy the equal opportunity guaranteed them by the Fourteenth Amendment. Yet the present system of black favoritism has failed.

Dunkirk for Ivy Liberalism

Have you bitten anyone lately? No. Well, neither have I. Still, it does seem to happen. About a week ago, a Dartmouth senior was making his rounds delivering copies of The Dartmouth Review to various locations on the campus. All of a sudden, in Blunt Alumni Center, he was set upon by an Alumni Fund official, a fifty-three-year-old black gentleman named Samuel Smith. Mr. Smith hit the student from behind, tried to push him through a plate glass door, broke his glasses, and, finally, bit him on the chest.

Wah Hoo Wah, Round One

Which of the following do you consider unacceptable and boorish behavior? 1) Unfurling a handsome Indian banner at a football game in a celebration of a one-hundred-year-old symbol, or 2) Emptying a bag of unnaturally bloodied tampons at the feet of President McLaughlin and his wife during the Dartmouth Night festivities in front of Dartmouth Hall.

Bill Cole's Song and Dance

Class was supposed to begin at 2 p.m. Nearly 150 students crowded in the seats and aisles of 54 Hopkins Center. They awaited the master. But the master was in no hurry. Nothing worries Bill Cole. Not students, not regulations, not teaching. Nothing.

The Review 1, Professor Cole 0

In March 1983, Chairman of the Music Department William Cole lodged a $2.4 million libel suit against the Hanover Review, Inc., which publishes The Dartmouth Review, and three student editors. Cole charged that an assessment of his classroom behavior published in the Review and written by Laura Ingraham caused him mental, emotional, physical, and financial distress, yet he specified not a single inaccuracy in the story.

A Letter to McLaughlin

Editor’s Note: The following letter was published by a “committee” of concerned students, announcing to then-President David McLaughlin their intention of addressing the wooden shanties which had polluted the Green for more than a year, in protest of apartheid in South Africa.

Divestiture Will Cripple Blacks

Mrs. Lucy Mvubelo is one of South Africa’s most prominent black labor leaders. She is the General Secretary of the 15,000-member National Union of Clothing Workers and Vice President of the Trade Union Council of South Africa.

Mission: Shanty Removal

At approximately 2:45 on the morning of Tuesday, January 21, members of the Dartmouth Committee to Beautify the Green Before Winter Carnival (DCBGBWC) struck the first blows towards the dismantlement of the wooden structures which have defaced the historically charming Green since last autumn.

Phony and Outrageous

The undersigned, who are Jewish, deny emphatically that The Dartmouth Review is anti-Semitic. We regard the charge as scurrilous.

Nemo Me Impune Lacessit

On October 19, 1988, The Dartmouth Review published a column by James Garrett entitled “Ein Reich, Ein Volk, Ein Freedmann.” The column drew an analogy between President James Freedman and Adolf Hitler, and compared his administration to The Third Reich. The column, written in the tradition of “shock” journalism started by Jonathan Swift’s A Modest Proposal, was hyperbolic.

Miss Cleo Predicts Heorot's Future

When Dartmouth purchased and made plans to tear down the off-campus house where I was supposed to live next year, I decided to apply to live in my fraternity, Chi Heorot. However, Heorot’s very existence has recently been called into question as Dean Redman and the Office of Residential Life have deemed the house unworthy to exist on campus, apparently because of minor violations that seem to be tolerated in many other Greek houses.

15 Simple Things You Can Do to Save the Planet on Earth Day

15. Reduce paper waste: Abolish the EPA, OSHA, FDA, CEQ, etc.

Lasciate Ogne Speranza, Voi Ch'Intrate

I am sure that it will distress many of my readers to learn that I recently suffered a severe head trauma. Many of you have probably wondered about my whereabouts for the past few months.

The Irish: Dartmouth's Silent Minority

After years of counseling and therapy, I had finally come to terms with the fact that, by birth, I was a white male oppressor. Nothing I could do would ever change this. Even when I was trying my damnedest to be politically correct, I was inadvertently oppressing people by my mere existence. I finally realized that rather than fighting the urge to oppress, I was best off just giving in to the “dark side.”

The Pros and Cons of Plaid

Plaid is beautiful.

Everybody Check Out How Sweet I Am!

You could say I’ve been fairly critical of The BlabberForce—sorry, my mistake: they call it The BuzzFlood now. Fair enough. At first, I was bowled over by the chowder-headed nonsense they were serving, but lately, I’ve started to come around. Inspired by their hard work, I realized that I, too, must shore up my brand.

Great Drunks Throughout History

People have attacked this journal in the past on many grounds. They have said that we are racist. They have said that we are sexist. They have said that we are homophobic. And most recently they have said that we are anti-semitic. All these claims are untrue and extremely bothersome. But the most unfounded, most despicable claim is that this paper stands for anti-intellectualism.

In Praise of Tobacco

Smoking is politically incorrect these days, but have you ever wandered into a good pipe shop?

Dis Sho Ain't No Jive, Bro

Originally Published March 15, 1982, as a satircal and parodic argument against affirmative action. The backlash ensuing from this article helped to shape the campus’ early perception of The Dartmouth Review, and while it reflects neither the editorial policy at the time nor that of today, it is important as an histroical artifact.

Barrett's Mixology

The Dartmouth Cocktail
1 oz. single-malt scotch
1 oz. creme de menthe
1/2 oz. creme de cacao

facebook.com's last word

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Human Rights Chief, ADL Exonerate TDR

Two independent reports issued in the past week have served to vindicate
The Dartmouth Review against reckless attacks by the administration of Dartmouth President James Oliver Freedman. Barry J. Palmer, Chairman of the New Hampshire Human Rights Commission, studied two years of the Review, and “didn’t find any hint of bigotry or prejudice,” a statement which blatantly contradicts numerous statements of Freedman’s.

Campus Blowhards Raise Cain, Excoriate Review for Quote

The powers that be at Dartmouth College have finally shown how hypocritical they really are. Last week, much of the campus gathered on the Green for what was advertised as a “Rally Against Hate.” The resulting product, however, was a hate rally against The Dartmouth Review.

The Real Racism

After my first year here, I’ve learned that it’s not Dartmouth’s white population that’s racist or exclusionary, but rather it’s the organized minority groups themselves.

Wright, Trustees to Close Down Greeks

Two related incidents at Dartmouth have put the future of the College’s treasured Greek system in severe jeopardy. On February 9, 1999, the Trustees of the College released a letter to the student body, and President James Wright gave an interview with the Daily Dartmouth. Taken together, these announcements constitute a new administrative policy. Dartmouth, it seems, in a new “spirit of inclusion,” has threatened its fraternities and sororities to become coeducational by policy.

The Lone Pine Revolution

Two bespectacled, suit-wearing academics make for unlikely revolutionaries. However, the election of Hoover Institution fellow Peter Robinson ’79 and George Mason University law professor Todd Zywicki ’88 to Dartmouth College’s Board of Trustees, announced Thursday, is perhaps the most significant event in the institution’s recent history.

Ellis on the Review Today

Some might wonder why today’s Review seems more sedate than its predecessors, which, of course, it is. Circumstances are different now than they were in the 1980s: during my editorship, not many staffers have been bitten by enraged professors, let alone suspended or expelled from Dartmouth by an administrative kangaroo court.

Indian Sports

Editor’s Note: Indian athletic teams have experienced both the heights of league championships and depths of the Ivy League basement in the quarter century of The Dartmouth Review’s existence. Here we have reprinted a number of articles from our archives detailing the Indians’ most successful seasons.

Dartmouth Rugby: 2006 Ivy League Champs

The Dartmouth Rugby Football Club won their second Ivy League title in as many years this past weekend, fighting their way to a 52 – 16 victory over Harvard in the title match.

gordon haff's last word

Write something, even if it’s just a suicide note.
—Gore Vidal