Original Article: http://dartreview.com/archives/2006/04/21/15_simple_things_you_can_do_to_save_the_planet_on_earth_day.php
Friday, April 21, 2006
1. Recycle your belly-button lint. You’d be surprised at what beautiful sweaters can be knitted from naval refuse.
2. Hug a cactus.
3. An American child will use up far more resources than a Third World child. So send your children to Bangladesh.
4. Start a compost pile in your dorm room.
5. Use only one square of toilet paper at a time. (Quit complaining. In the Middle East, they use their hands.)
6. Spike a tree: Pound a nail into Al Gore
7. Flush only once a year. (Never mind the stench; it’s a noble sacrifice.)
8. Saved your clipped toenails. They make wonderful toothpicks, and you help prevent deforestation.
9. Help control population: Have your spouse spayed or neutered.
10. Reduce greenhouse gas emissions. Don’t eat chili at Full Fare.
11. Pressure the administration to construct an asphalt parking lot on the Green. (Oops! That’s from 15 Simple Things You Can Do to PAVE the Planet.)
12. Care until it hurts.
13. Promote fuel efficiency: Take away Jimmy Freedman’s limo.
14. Stand out on the Green and yell, “Death to the capitalist pigs who suck the life of Mother Earth!”
15. Reduce paper waste: Abolish the EPA, OSHA, FDA, CEQ, etc.