Original Article: http://dartreview.com/archives/2006/04/21/great_drunks_throughout_history.php
Friday, April 21, 2006
Originally published October 17, 1990.
People have attacked this journal in the past on many grounds. They have said that we are racist. They have said that we are sexist. They have said that we are homophobic. And most recently they have said that we are anti-semitic. All these claims are untrue and extremely bothersome. But the most unfounded, most despicable claim is that this paper stands for anti-intellectualism.
No one will argue that this paper hasn’t, over its ten year history, written many articles that glorify the “Work Hard, Play Hard” ethic of Old Dartmouth. This is part of the Dartmouth history that should be celebrated and perpetuated. But many people think that this stand also defines the Review as being anti-intellectual.
I will argue with that.
An appreciation of alcohol, both the heights of its ecstasy and its power to destroy, is important for any civilized person. By this, I do not mean that one should lurk in a fraternity basement, chugging beers until one drops to the floor. That probably isn’t a good idea (despite what other articles in this journal may have said). Rather, one must be able to appreciate the nuances of a fine burgundy, the heady bouquet of a crusty old cognac, the delicate woody flavors of a hoary port, or the hoppy character of a bottle of pale ale.
In order to impress your twitty college buddies, such knowledge is important. For acceptance in polite society, it is essential.
Throughout history, some of the greatest figures in literature, art, and politics have had a predilection for “demon rum.” Yet no one accuses them of being anti-intellectual. In fact, these are the very men who are lauded for their great talents and pointed to as paradigms for the youth of today. These men certainly knew the enjoyments of a fine bottle, some of them even the enjoyment of several bottles. But they are all intellectual giants of their times.
F.E. Smith, First Earl of Birkenhead
Smith was a truly distinguished politician in England during the inter-war period. A close personal friend of Winston Churchill, he served as Lord Chancellor of Parliament from 1919 – 1922. He is still well-known as a nototrious Tory; one of his most famous statements of all time, an expression of his personal creed was, “I believe in Toryism, the Established Church, the University of Oxford, the natural inferiority of the female sex, and the right of the cultured few to rule over the untutored many.”
F.E., as he is affectionately known by his fans, was a somewhat notorious drinker, like many of the great British politicians of the 1920s. He would attend the society dinners, where he would consume large quantities of champagne and wine. But his favorite time of the meal was after dinner, when the ladies would retire to another room and the men would remain for port and cigars.
Winston Churchill
Well, what can be said? Churchill is perhaps one of the greatest political figures of all time, with accomplishments numbering too many to list. As Prime Minister, he led his nation through its darkest hours in World War II, when it was threatened by the bombers of Hitler’s evil empire. As the German Luftwaffe strafed his airfields and bombed his cities, Churchill boldly declared that he would, “Never give in. Never, never, never, never…except to convictions of honor and good sense.”
Well, apparently one of these convictions was that a bottle of brandy is man’s best friend. It has been rumored by some that Churchill consumed enough cognac in his lifetime to fill the library of his home.
No small feat. Churchill’s nose seemed to say it all. A red, slightly bulbous affair in the middle of his bejoweled face, it stood as testimony to his own unique relationship with alcohol. Yet, his enjoyment of drink could not be said to interfere with the other facets of his life. He even overcame dyslexia in order to become the greatest leader of the greatest nation on the face of this earth. All these facts distinguish Churchill as The Dartmouth Review’s greatest drunkard of all time.
Ernest Hemingway
This Pulitzer Prize winning novelist was a notorious drunk. Just about all he discussed in his novels was drinking and sex, the latter of which necessitated even more drinking. Those who don’t recognize his stature as an alcoholic or as a writer are invincibly ignorant. Enough said.
F. Scott Fitzgerald
See Ernest Hemingway.
Evelyn Waugh
The celebrated British novelist who authored Brideshead Revisited, Waugh had quite a predilection for fine brandies. Then again, it seems Waugh enjoyed almost any alcoholic beverage. In most of his novels, alcohol played a central role. For instance, in A Handful of Dust, Tony Last, the main character in this tragic novel, reacts to his wife’s affair with a younger man by going off on a weekend tear in London. As he sits at his club, killing brain cells with a friend of his who has gotten stood up, he declares, “I was feeling low, bloody low, but I’m all right again now. The best thing is to get tight. That’s what I did, and I don’t feel low any more.”
This man clearly enjoyed a drink or two.
In one of his last works, The Ordeal of Gilbert Pinfold, Waugh offers a semi-autobiographical portrait. He weaves the tale of a middle-aged writer, past his prime, dependent on alcohol and drugs. He daily combines two sleeping tonics, two or three different pills, and a bottle or two of wine. The result of all this? Well, Mr. Pinfold ends up suffering from horrible illusions while going on a cruise for his health.
Gilbert concocts a complicated, fanciful explanation for this experience in his own deluded mind. But when he returns to England, his doctor tells him it was merely the result of mixing so many medicines. The key point – Gilbert never gives up drink. Neither did Waugh.
James Joyce
Of course, the first thing that Mr. Joyce has going for him is that he’s Irish. That makes him a natural candidate for alcoholism. Over and above that, he was a writer, which makes him doubly prone to abuse of the bottle.
For those of you who may be unaware of what Mr. Joyce has accomplished in the area of literature, I suggest you read Ulysses and A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man. Both of these stream of consciousness masterpieces offer enough of a mental challenge to drive anyone to drink.
Like any proper Irishman, Joyce partook of a bottle or two of stout every day. He even enjoyed a keg of stout every now and again. However, he didn’t limit his liquid libation to barley malt products. He also enjoyed some of the finest whiskeys to grace the kills of Erin. There is little doubt that his genius renderings of life in Ireland were alcohol-inspired.
Ulysses S. Grant
Grant was the leading general for the Union in the Civil War. Although that will probably be sufficient to alienate nearly half of my readers, there is no denying that we have General Grant to thank for the fact that our national capital is not located in Richmond, Virginia.
Grant’s battle strategy was quite simple: sit behind front lines with a bottle of gin and throw young infantrymen at the enemy. The battle reached its turning point when the first bottle of gin was empty. Unless there was another bottle ready at hand, chances were that Grant would retreat. If, on the other hand, there was more alcohol, Ulysses would be able to hang in and save the day.
As President of the United States, Grant had to reduce his consumption to a certain extent. Foreign policy did not easily lend itself to his alcoholic strategy, as one can’t really walk away from the negotiation table to purchase another bottle of Scotch. Hence his mediocre presidency. But he is still a historical figure to be revered.
Daniel Webster
Last but not least, I arrive at Dartmouth’s most famous alumnus; Daniel Webster was a most successful attorney and politician. In his day, Dartmouth was not quite the same institution it is today. Although it still had a good reputation, there was little chance of one’s attending Dartmouth as long as Harvard would open her doors to him.
Those doors did not open to Daniel Webster.
You see, Daniel Webster may have more to do with Dartmouth’s “Animal House” image than our more infamous alum, Chris Miller. Webster’s admission to Harvard was prevented because of his undeniable taste for cigars and claret.
Over and above being a rather expensive habit, vintage claret does tend to cloud one’s mind. Had it not been for Webster’s alcoholic tendencies, Dartmouth may have been deprived of its greatest alumnus of all time. Come to think of it, Dartmouth would most likely be a state university without Mr. Webster’s eloquent defense of its private status.
So I suggest that those critical of this journal’s stance on drinking take a good hard look. The “Father of Dartmouth” is on this list, along with the names of some of the most accomplished men in the history of their respective fields. They prove that it is important, in the quest for intellectualism, not to ignore some of the finer things in life. One of them is the occasional nip.