Miss Cleo Predicts Heorot's Future

By Matthew Tokson | Friday, April 21, 2006

Originally published May 14, 2001.

When Dartmouth purchased and made plans to tear down the off-campus house where I was supposed to live next year, I decided to apply to live in my fraternity, Chi Heorot. However, Heorot’s very existence has recently been called into question as Dean Redman and the Office of Residential Life have deemed the house unworthy to exist on campus, apparently because of minor violations that seem to be tolerated in many other Greek houses. For weeks I have heard that Heorot’s fate was about to be revealed, only to be told the next day that ORL had not yet reached a final decision.

What would become of my fraternity? Was the College involved in some sort of plot to demolish whatever house I planned to live in? How would ORL’s mysterious investigation play out?

It occurred to me that one would have to have psychic powers in order to determine the outcome of such an arbitrary, nonsensical disciplinary process. Giving up, I decided to relax and take my mind off my problems by enjoying some mindless late-night television. And that’s when I saw her: Miss Cleo, renowned television psychic. Her comforting voice invited me to consult one of her several talented psychic friends, a friend who was at that very moment waiting by the phone and ready to answer my most difficult questions. The (genuine) transcript of my illuminating conversation follows:

Psychic: Alright, Matthew, my name is April [I’ve changed her name and number], and just in case we get cut off in the middle of the conversation because of technical difficulties, my callback number is 1-900 385-9865.

TDR: 385-9865?

P: And my extension number is 92765. And do you have any particular question in mind?

TDR: Yep. It’s sort of a strange question, but I’m up here at Dartmouth College, and my fraternity is in trouble with the College. I don’t know if you’ve heard anything about this.

P: No.

TDR: But anyway, I was wondering if you could predict what’s going to happen, if it’s going to stay. I’m supposed to be living there next year.

P: I think I haven’t because you asked me if I’ve heard of it, and I’m way back here in California, and I’m wondering what kind of trouble they got in.

TDR: OK, basically, Dartmouth is trying to get rid of its Greek system or reform it because it has a bad reputation. So they started this program called the Student Life Initiative to develop alternative social options.

P: What do you mean? Like clubs?

TDR: Yes. They’re trying stuff like that.

P: And that seems like a lot more boring?

TDR: Yes. There’s this incident with this other fraternity where they were caught publishing this newsletter and it had the names of people and sexist comments. It was meant in a humorous way, but it was offensive. So they’re in trouble, and they’re probably going to get kicked off. My particular fraternity ...

P: Well, what happened to freedom of speech?

TDR: I agree completely.

P: Well, it’s going to be a hard fight because you guys are going to be against the older alumni and the older members of the university. And I’m sure you’re already aware that it’s going to be hard fight. If I were you, the College would tell me that there were going to be a lot of big changes, you’re telling me that they’re going to be changes that aren’t in your favor? You know what I mean? And if I were you, I would start making backup plans. Because like you said, you’re supposed to live there next year, and you’re wondering if you’re going to have a place to stay. And like I said, make backup plans.

TDR: Um, what are you getting at?

P: The Two of Pentacles here, it’s basically telling me that there are going to be changes that are not in your favor and are not going to be in favor to the group. But this is telling me here that there’s a lot of people who have control, like elder men. Mostly elder men that are going to be very in control, very judgemental and intolerant of other people’s lifestyles and opinions. The College you’re describing to me is the King of Wands. It’s basically telling me that they’re closed up to new ideas, and, like I said, it’s really going to be a hard fight. But you know, start making backup arrangements, and don’t get into any trouble, ‘cause I’m seeing that there’s going to be a clash of opinions and you know sometimes how older people usually, things break out with younger people. You know what I mean? They’re from different generations.

TDR: Yeah, that describes it.

P: And things are going to clash. Just be on the safe side and make arrangements.

Miss Cleo Predicts Heorot's Future

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