Original Article: http://dartreview.com/archives/2006/10/01/barretts_mixology.php
Sunday, October 1, 2006
1 7-11 Slurpee, Big Gulp Size
1 Splash of bathtub whiskey
Add Whiskey, stir with spoon-shaped straw, slurp happily, regardless of missing teeth.
Back in ’95, we had a summer so hot you just ‘bout wanted to chop off the end of your mullet! I was takin’ in the sights at the annual Monster Truck Madness down in Tuscaloosa and I was thirstin’ for somethin’ sweet to keep me from overheatin’ like a Chevy in the Mojave. I had just used my latest unemployment check to get the tickets for me and my lovely cousin Mary Sue so I was low on cash. Then bam! Like a shot from a Winchester thirty-aught-six comin’ straight between the eyes of a baby deer, I saw that 7-11 standin’ there straight in front of me. Hallelujah! Them wiener dogs, donuts, and slurpees are my favorite fine dinin’! I walked myself right on in and got me a coupla Big Gulp slushees–cherry for MarySue, razzmatazz for myself (added a splash of coca-cola flavor for good measure.) After stuffin’ a coupla Slim Jims in my pocket unnoticed, I paid for the ‘freshments and got the hell outta there. Back in the parkin’ lot, I had myself a grand idea! What’s a monster truck show without a little boozin’?? I whipped my handy flask out from my pocket and poured some high-flutin’ whiskey right in! None of that cheap moonshine junk my brother Earl made yesterday. A big gulp of this Big Gulp will guarantee you’re feelin’ mighty fine ‘till you make it to that all-you-can-eat buffet and the late night episodes of Springer.