Original Article: http://dartreview.com/archives/2006/10/05/the_week_in_review.php
Thursday, October 5, 2006
Steinberg ’08 Seeks TDR Position
>Date: 29 Sep 2006 15:55:35 -0400
>From: David J. Steinberg
>Subject: Application?
>To: Daniel F. Linsalata
hey guys
my name is david steinberg and i’m really interested in writing for your paper. i have had a recent conservative revival and have felt like this school has been suffocating students, both liberal and conservative, with a ton of liberal and hippy bullshit that needs to be countered
i have great and strong views regarding economic policy, affirmative action, race, gender and the dartmouth administration
please let me know if there is any way i can help out.
ps- i’m not jewish- i hope my name does not deter my chances of working with you guys. thanks!
Great Scott but you’re a qualified fellow, David! Truly an outstanding letter. We would love to employ you as an additional tentacle on our octopus of hate.
Geniuses in Our Midst
Former professor Jennifer Richeson, John Rich ‘80, and Anna Schuleit MALS ‘05 (a “commemorative artist”) each received phone calls from the John D. and Catherine T. MacArthur Foundation to the effect of: “You genius, you.” Each year, the foundation selects thirty or so geniuses across the nation to receive five years of financial independence. Their genius, however, is not sharp enough to detect that they are being considered: nominations and selections take place in secret. Though none of the aforementioned geniuses currently reside in Hanover, we should all feel pleased and honored to have been at least for a little while in the presence of such genius. As Wile E. Coyote once observed, “Being a genius certainly has its advantages.”
Education Panel Fails to Educate
The College was recently graced by an enlightening forum titled, “What Does It Mean to be ‘Well Educated?’” The three panelists brought meager expertise to the question at hand: a Physics professor, a Zen Buddhist and a Christian Minister were the only ones in attendance to offer direction. The forum, running the gamut from “knowing your God” to “knowing thyself,” was moderated by the Interim Dean of the College, Daniel Nelson. To say that this forum offered useful advice for becoming a “well-educated” citizen would be quite an exaggeration. Informed mostly by wishy-washy “spiritualism,” the talk seemed to leave many students wanting something of substance—like their time back.
Eyesore Dormitory Bursts Into Flame
On Sunday, September 24th, at 5 AM, the whole of Bissell dormitory was awakened when a fire broke out in the second floor bathroom. As the miserable freshmen evacuated the building, the smell of burnt rubber filled the halls. This was the second consecutive night in which the fire alarm had sounded. The previous instance was the fault of a famished ignoramus attempting to microwave popcorn. The second conflagration came from a trashcan. When the Hanover Police brought the smoldering receptacle outside, only about 3 inches of it remained. What infuriated the police more than their having been called to douse burning garbage was the fact that only about two-thirds of the building had been evacuated: the rest of the occupants were still sound asleep. As a result, S&S “had” to break into every room and shake the frosh awake. Some of these students still had their eyes shut when they walked outside of the building; one girl came out in just a towel. (S&S had a quite a time rousing her.) At 5:45, every student was allowed back into the building as it was finally deemed safe by the authorities, yet still a disaster by architectural standards.
Dartmouth To Retain Early Decision
Dartmouth has chosen not to follow the lead of Harvard and Princeton, who recently decided to end their early admissions beginning with the matriculants of the class of 2011. Harvard and Princeton received praise from the New York Times for “doing more to help poor and minority applicants.” Though he concedes that the different levels of college counseling in U.S. high schools influence the diversity of the early admissions pool, Dean of Admissions Karl Furstenberg denies the notion that early admissions is an obstacle to low-income students. He also adds that Dartmouth guarantees the diversity of incoming classes by wisely selecting only 35% of its early applicants instead of the 50% Harvard and Princeton admits. Another charge is that early admissions prevents minority students from comparing financial aid packages. To this, Furstenberg says that fine schools like Dartmouth and other Ivy League colleges offer need-blind admissions and very flexible financial aid packages to early applicants.
Mai Thai Attracts Native American Patronage, Long Waits for Tables
Last Saturday, approximately 30 Native Americans at Dartmouth (NADs), led by Student Assembly president Timmy Andreadis, gathered outside of Mai Thai restaurant. They stood awkwardly about for 45 minutes before dispersing. Not sure why.
University of Illinois Preserves Indian Mascot
The 1st District Appellate Court in Chicago, Illinois, found last week that Chief Illiniwek, the University of Illinois’ mascot, does not violate the civil rights laws of the state. The Illinois Native American Bar Association filed a lawsuit last year against the university, claiming that the Chief’s performances at sporting events humiliate Native American students and create a hostile environment. The appellate court, in a 2-1 decision, upheld the lower court’s ruling, in which the lawsuit was thrown out. Writing for the majority, Judge Warren Wolfson quoted the Illinois General Assembly’s 1996 law which states that Chief Illiniwek is an “honored symbol of a great university.” The case should provide cheer for those happy few who support of the Dartmouth Indian symbol over the nebulous mass of color that currently represents the College.
Columbia Replaces Loans With Grants
On the 19th of September, Columbia University announced that it would replace loans with grants for undergraduates whose families earned less than 50,000 dollars a year. The change will be realized beginning with the 2007/2008 school year. School officials pointed out that Columbia is the most socio-economically diverse in the Ivy League with 14% of its undergraduate population coming from families that make less than 45,000 dollars; they hope to further enhance diversity with the new changes in financing. While maintaining that tuition doesn’t even cover half of what it costs to provide students with an “excellent academic experience”, University President Lee C. Bollinger expressed sympathy for the dauntingly high price to most families. Columbia becomes the fourth Ivy League institution to implement changes from loans to grants for low-income students joining, Harvard, Yale, and Princeton.
Single White Male Seeks Pong Date
On Tuesday, the Women in Leadership program hosted a discussion in the Morrison Commons entitled: “Is Dating at Dartmouth OutDATED?” For those of us who aren’t devotees of Ani Difranco, Women in Leadership emphasizes placing women in leadership positions and breaking apart the male-dominated society of this campus. One of the co-leaders of the group emphasized the organization’s role in creating a “more equal environment” and a “liberated society” on campus. Just in case you thought having cage-free eggs was liberation enough.
Kicking off with an Indian dinner, it was standing room only in Morrison, as single women came out in droves to bemoan the lack of a substantive dating scene on campus. The few males in attendance were either dragged by significant others, or were looking to pick up an easy score; they mostly kept quiet as the females dominated the discussion.
Discussion proceeded slowly, prodded onward by the facilitators from Women in Leadership. In an AA-esque format, participants were repeatedly chastised for not giving their name and year before speaking. Women emphasized the confusion they all held, stretching across all bounds. Specifically, why they couldn’t find a meaningful relationship in the basements of the frats. With a frat-centered social scene like Dartmouth’s, it is difficult for women to pursue relationships, as they are much more pressured to take the first step in finding relationships, something they apparently find to be extremely frustrating and tiring. A general consensus arose that dating was not an institution supported by this campus; a combination of the D-Plan and the frat scene contributed to this end.
Ultimately, the discussion fizzled out as the food ran out. The sons of Dartmouth can rest assured that there is a plethora of single women floating around this campus. Too bad they don’t date.
Play Cancelled Due to Lack of Interest from the Right People
In a disappointing turn of events, the Theater Department has made a last-minute decision to cancel the original fall Mainstage production, The Negro of Peter the Great, by Carlyle Brown and replace it with Far Away, by Caryl Churchill. The Mainstage producers became flummoxed when no black male actors auditioned—a severe problem in a play calling for a black lead. Many options were explored before the play was finally cancelled. Cross-gender casting was considered; unfortunately, no eligible females could be found with deep enough voices. The Negro of Peter The Great is an adaptation of an unfinished novella by Alexander Pushkin about a kidnapped African prince who, though taken in by the Tsar of Russia and treated as a son, cannot escape the harsh reality of his race and background. The replacement production, Far Away, is described as an “hour long futuristic nightmare [which] envisions a world where the promise of violence broods and nothing is to be trusted.”
Harvard Alums Get Stingier
Harvard College’s alumni “participation rate,” or the percentage of alumni who donated to the school in the past year, hit a 17-year low for the fiscal year 2006. This year’s rate fell slightly from last year’s 44 percent to 39 percent. This marks Harvard’s lowest participation rate since 1989. The participation rate is often viewed as an indicator of alumni confidence. Participation rates across the country in all institutions of higher education are on the decline this year; the national average is currently 12.4 percent. However, colleges in the Ivy League maintain some of the highest participation rates. For instance, the latest recorded participation rate for Princeton shows 61% of alumni donated this year, while Dartmouth’s most recent figure is 51%.
Sex...and Stuff
Freshmen were treated to a rather interesting lecture concerning rape and sexual violence during the carnival-esque hodgepodge of worthless speakers set up for them, commonly referred to as Orientation. The talk, aptly titled, “ Consensual Sex is Hot,” meandered from pointless rhetoric to unfounded claims with the point being to emphasize the role of males in rape. (The obvious nature of such a claim seemed to escape the speaker.)
After the lecture, a representative from Mentors Against Violence came to each residence hall floor and had an up- front and personal interrogation, or “conversation,” with student attendees. It all began with the icebreaking or, rather, glacier-melting query to all men in the room: “ Do you talk when you hook up?” The conversation staggered on endlessly until the squirming of all uncomfortable individuals got to be too much. The College should be proud to have the first lectures attended by incoming students led by such academically and highly intellectual sex addicts.
The “Sports Management” MBA Scam
The Wall Street Journal recently published a special report questioning the academic integrity of “sports-management” MBA programs offered at over 300 schools nationwide. There is currently no accreditation process for sports-management MBAs, calling into question the almost nonexistent educational standards in the majority of the programs. In fact, most universities group sports-management education with programs like phys-ed and hospitality management. (There are actually courses in which students are asked to chart Super Bowl commercials.) The real sports-management field is no joke. Competition is extremely stiff, with hundreds of applicants typically applying for a single job, but many outspoken sports industrialists expressed disappointment about the typical sports-management program.
Andy Dolich, president of business operation for the Memphis Grizzlies, said in a 2004 speech to sports academics, “Our business is very simple: Sell or die! I could not find in any course catalog a curriculum in season-ticket sales, telemarketing, or negotiating.” Some say the universities are to blame, exploiting the newly popular sports-management major to make easy money. Lucis Rubin, program director for Columbia University, admits that “the vast majority of these programs are revenue generators.” Paul Swangard, managing director of the University of Oregon’s M.B.A. sports-marketing program, justified his program by adding that he “feel[s] for a lot of kids who graduate with a sport-specific degree and think it’s an asset.” Mr. Swangard, along with every other sports-management program director, will be laughing all the way to the bank as hundreds of sports enthusiasts graduate with a useless degree.
Tennessee Finally Desegregates
The state of Tennessee officially became desegregated last week when a 38-year-old court case came to a close. The lawsuit, originally filed in 1968, was dismissed by a federal judge when representatives of all parties agreed the state had fulfilled its court-ordered obligations to desegregate its public institutions. After the case’s dismissal was made final, the president of Tennessee State University announced how the university would spend the $40-million it is set to receive under the terms of the court-ordered plan that led to the lawsuit’s end. The newly desegregated Tennessee State University is home to around six thousand undergrads, 90 percent of them black, while the desegregated University of Tennessee at Knoxville hosts an 83 percent white student body. Desegregation indeed. Melvin N. Johnson, president of Tennessee State University, said $30-million would go to a new “Endowment for Educational Excellence” and $10-million would be spent on increasing student aid and adding academic programs to the University. The University of Tennessee at Knoxville will receive no money from the case, although it is technically 7 percent more desegregated than Tennessee State.
Paging Howard Dean. Dr. Dean, We’re Calling You
From NASCAR tracks to trailer parks, the Confederate flag holds a hallowed place in the Southern mind, as it were. In 2001, Democratic governor Roy Barnes removed the Confederate flag from Georgia’s state flag and replaced it with another flag, which lasted only two years. When Republican Sonny Perdue took office in 2003, he promised to settle the flag dispute and allow Georgia citizens to decide for themselves which banner would represent their state. In a controversial move, however, the original flag was dropped from the ballot. The Sons of the Confederacy and other heritage groups were dumbfounded, especially since they had backed Perdue in the election—the first Republican in 130 years to achieve this honor. The winning flag, based on the Confederacy’s “Stars and Bars” flag, won in a landslide. Now with Perdue up for re-election, “flaggers” are mobilized to prevent his election. Their aptly named spokesman, Jeff Davis, speaking of his fellow original flag supporters, said, “They certainly will not be supporting him [Perdue]. Some will vote [for Democratic candidate Mark Taylor]. Some will go fishing that day. Some will support a third-party candidate.” Confederate flags are not rarities among southern state banners. Mississippi’s flag features the Confederate Battle flag in the upper left. In 2001, Mississippians voted 2-1 in favor of keeping their flag, first flown in 1894.
Catholicism Declared Illegitimate
The University of Wisconsin at Madison has recently failed to recognize the UW Roman Catholic Foundation, the largest student religious group in the nation, as a legitimate student organization. As a result, the UWRCF will not be able to use the $145,000 approved by the Student Services Financial Committee, have a campus location, or recruit at campus events. The university claims that the UWRCF does not have enough student board members, which currently total three out of 12, to qualify as a Registered Student Organization. The university only recently derecognized the UWRCF as a student group, though it was the first organization to submit an application for RSO status. This ultimately prevents the group from accessing any funds this coming year. The UWRCF cannot make changes to its funding application, nor can it reorganize itself according to the university’s request without forfeiting the funding app. UWRCF spokesman Tim Kruse points to the administration for deliberately delaying the group’s RSO decision to avoid financing religious organizations. The administration denies discriminating against religious groups, and points to Lutheran and Orthodox Christian groups on campus. The UWRCF recently filed a complaint against the university with the Department of Justice.
Pope Benedict XVI was unavailable for comment.
Standing Strong Against the March of History
CORRECTION: In our Freshman Issue, we listed Computer Sciences professor Javed Aslam among Dartmouth’s best professors. It was subsequently brought to our attention that, although Professor Aslam is indeed a fine professor, he has left Dartmouth for a position at Northeastern University. The Dartmouth Review regrets the error.