Original Article: http://dartreview.com/archives/2007/05/18/barretts_mixology.php
Friday, May 18, 2007
Rum Tum Tugger
By Stag Ballantine
Two parts cream of coconut.
One part white rum.
One part dark rum.
Shake well. Serve on ice in glass rimmed with Liquid Maalox® and crushed TUMS®.
Once, while visiting the Greek mainland on the Gulf of Euboea, I had the misfortune to lodge with an aged sea captain who suffered from painful peptic ulcers. His name was McSorley’s—or something that sounded like that—and he passed most of his nights belching out awful eructations and fearsome oaths. I slept on the hide-a-bed (kruptv-krebati) beneath a portrait of his late wife, except I didn’t sleep so much as wince and cringe.
One night I came in very late to find McSorley’s weeping at his card table. I excused myself as politely as I could, but he asked me to remain by his side and comfort him. He told me in broken English how he’d lost his wife: After two seasons of unusually poor catches, McSorley’s abandoned his Christian faith and offered up his young bride to the ancient fish-god, Dagon. The result was a net full of golden ingots fashioned into mysterious and sinister amphibian shapes.
McSorley’s knew that he’d saved his village, Imboca, from certain doom at the expense not only of his wife but also of his soul; he was terrified by the debt that Dagon would one day collect. He had a final wish before the time came: to travel to the United States, to have his gastric complaint treated in a hospital free of smoke and pigeons—and to experience a production of the Broadway musical Cats. I knew it was impossible, but I strode up to his liquor cabinet, smiled, and told him that I knew the next best thing.