The Greeks Shall Inherit the Earth: Pen-Portraits of College Social Life

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Editor’s Note: Presented here for your consideration and enjoyment are brief pen-portraits of Dartmouth’s venerable fraternites and sororities. Some might accuse us of trafficking in generalities; to our defense, we hope that these sketches will serve as fine, humorous introductions to the true hardword of the College.

Alpha Chi Alpha

Rich in character and steeped in tradition, Alpha Chi alledgedly popularized the vogue phrase, ‘Nobody rages anymore.’ The house underwent major renovations a few years ago that ransformed a modest cottage into a sprawling palazzo. A house pledge, like Hester Prynne, can be identified by his scarlet cap.

Alpha Delta

It’s something of a cardinal sin to be ignorant of that fact that the capers of AD brothers were the basis for the classic picture Animal House. Whether the depiction is still accurate is open to debate; they do claim, however, what is undoubtedly the grimmest basement on campus—it usually doubles as an open sewer. Soccer and rugby players make up a good portion of the brotherhood, which is one of the strongest on campus. A mild hipster scene peaked in 2005 and has since abated.

Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Inc.

Alpha Phi Alpha is a historically black fraternity. As our photo suggests, they meet out of 103 Channing Cox.

Bones Gate

Chill, relaxed, and laid back, BG enjoys a good time, which probably accounts for their at-times tempestous relationship with the administration. Until recently, they evinced extreme enthusiasm for mind expansion and reality alteration, but this scene has of late toned down. They’re known for their live bands, usually jam, jazz, or funk.

Chi Gamma Epsilon

All in all, these are solid guys, many of them athletes. They come as they are. But we’d be remiss if we didn’t mention that a Chi Gam party generally entails (a) D.J.s manning the ones-and-twos, (b) kegs, (c) flashing lights, and (d) gyrating brothers. The recent addition of strip poles on their dance floor was done as tastefully as possible.

Chi Heorot

When Heorot’s not on probation, freshmen girls crowd the benches to watch hockey players play pong.

Gamma Delta Chi

Might as well be Memorial Field. The football house tries to keep it medium-rare, but sometimes things fall through. The pit in the basement was originally designed as a swimming pool, but for safety reasons was soon converted to a raquetball court. That didn’t work out either; now it’s primarily used for more bibulous basement activities. Unfortunately, these guys are going dry this term so as to optimize their sports performance.

La Unidad Latina Lambda Upsilon Lambda Fraternity, inc. Et Cetera

LULLULFIET is a latino affinity organization. Like Alpha Phi Alpha their presence on campus is limited as they do not have social events or a physical plant.

Kappa Kappa Kappa

Tri Kap is probably the most diverse brotherhood on campus and the oldest local fraternity, dating to 1842. Intense pong is played here under ancient legalistic house rules from the Orient. Call next at your own risk. They’re also fond of dance parties (bring your glow-sticks). Head here on Monday for slushy potations.

Phi Delta Alpha

The Rig. The Ziggly. The Big White Fun House. A bunch of boozers, brawlers, burners, and social outcasts—in the best senses of the terms. That notwithstanding and though many campus leaders—esp. in the Greek system and the Rugby club—call Phi Delt home, brothers are always excited to return to their fortes: hanging out, and doing nothing. If in conversation your confabulator liberally peppers his discourse with words like ‘rig,’ ‘grim,’ ‘soil,’ ‘shackle,’ or ‘scene,’ you’re probably talking to a Phi Delt.

President's Residence

While not really a ‘fraternity’ in the traditional sense of the word, 14 Webster Avenue is legendary for its debaucherous partying, loose morals, and out-of-control, anything-goes behavior. We hear Susan Wright is a real dinner party animal; if you’ve got the stuff, try to score an invite to her annual ‘Administrators Gone Wild’ gala ball. Former President James O. Freedman had a grotto installed in the backyard, which we hear can be quite sensuous in the right company.

Psi Upsilon

Creator and former host of the Winter Carnival Keg Jump, once arguably Dartmouth’s most notorious event but now banned by the administration, Psi U still turns their front yard into a skating rink in the wintertime anyways. There are dozens of small handles on the low-hanging ceiling in part of the basement, presumably so that brothers can swing about from place to place without sullying their feet on the atrociously grim floor. Quite a few brothers play country club sports like squash, sailing, and golf.

Sigma Nu

Mathletic and freshman friendly, Sig Nu was until recently affiliated with the marching band or Lord of the Rings society. But don’t let that discourage you. They’re a group of gregarious, genuine, and friendly guys who are prepared to chug, boot, and die, as their oft-repeated slogan suggests. Their termly Early 80s party is always well-attended, and likely more than half of the student body played their first pong game in their basement.

Sigma Alpha Epsilon

Cleaner than most dorms, SAE inspired Omega in Animal House. They are well-heeled, to say the least, using their expensive house dues to throw champagne parties and sport egregiously preppy clothing, always with the collars popped forth and often with crustacean emblems on their shorts. SAE’s winter beach party entices hordes of scantily clad youths to trudge through the snow and frolic in the tons of sand they import for the event.

Theta Delta Chi

Since Robert Frost was involved in this organization in the 1890s, the literary reputation of ‘Sweeta Delt’ has been in steady decline.

Zeta Psi

Zete was derecognized in 2002 and is currently undergoing a ‘dark period’ after which it will achieve colony status and hold rush. There was still a modest pong and tails scene during its derecognition, but currently this paper suspects that no one’s home.

Delta Delta Delta

The Sisters of the House of the Three Delts can be prim and proper, but they’re also warm and welcoming. And they don’t just know how to have a good time—they know how to bake. The kind of girls you can take home to the parents.

Epsilon Kappa Theta

Formerly the Harold Parmington Foundation (HPF), these brassy ladies are tip-top starlets. Theta boasts a very strong and diverse sisterhood.

Kappa Delta Epsilon

A local sorority, KDE boasts an outgoing sisterhood. When spring rolls around, look for guys in seersucker and girls in sun hats walking up Webster Avenue to KDE’s Derby Days party, a celebration of all things aristocratic. As it enjoys the most spacious basement of any house on campus, KDE, along with Sigma Delt, is one of the few sororities to play host to frat-style partying.

Alpha Xi Delta

The sharp-eyed passer-by might notice the Greek characters ‘Beta Theta Pi’ installed above Alpha Z’s door. AZD’s don’t have the same reputation for hijinks as their landlords, who used to hold bottle-rocket wars and full-scale riots with neighbors Zete and Phi Delt until they were de-recognized in 1996. High-achieving in the classroom and in the basement, AZD boasts a vibrant sisterhood.

Kappa Kappa Gamma

Located down past the gym, Kappa rarely plays host to any notable social functions, but they do enjoy dieting. These gals are a staple on the Greek circuit.

Sigma Phi Epsilon

If Sig Ep were a processed food, it would definitely come in ‘family size.’ They have a brotherhood so large it contains cliques. Known as ‘nice guys,’ Sig Eps pride themselves on moderation. The house’s pledge term (a misnomer: it’s nonexistent, really) is organized around a ‘Balanced Man’ program that emphasizes love, service, and character.

Sigma Delta

A handful of Sigma Delt sisters started a streaking club a few summers ago. Since then, they have targeted basements, study areas, and even the open air, so keep your eyes peeled. These solid co-eds are surprisingly fun and fond of drink. A popular destination for fratboys on probation seeking a familiar ambience.

Alpha Theta

Alpha Thetas used to be a more rambunctious lot—in the late seventies they used to get juiced up and drive their cars relentlessly around Phi Tau until they were apprehended by the authorities or the thrill was gone, whichever came first. The event was called the Phi Tau 500 and stemmed from an old rivalry between the two houses: both, you see, were, and are, co-ed. These days, as with most of the College’s more reckless traditions, the Phi Tau 500 is no more. Alpha Theta has mellowed out as well. Today, they are known more for their capes and top hats than their antics behind the wheel.

Panarchy

Formerly Phi Sigma Psi, Panarchy today isn’t quite a fraternity or a sorority—it’s a co-educational undergraduate society. The house broke away from the Greek system in 1994 and now hosts postmodern social events featuring striking architecture and clothing made of duct tape. They host a popular “Gatsby” party once a term. A destination for ‘free spirits.’

Phi Tau

If one were charitable, he might characterize Phi Tau as eccentric; were he more acrimonious, the description would probably be flat-out weird. At the same time, they embrace their oddity and aren’t ashamed to demonstrate it. Hey, if you’ve got it, flaunt it. Phi Tau’s termly bash, Milque and Cookies, literally features thousands of diverse cookies and a thick dairy beverage brewed in cauldrons by galley slaves in the back rooms. Sadly, it is non-alcohlic.

The Tabard

Resentment and disco dance parties are on the menu at this progressive, co-ed house. In a strange trend, Tabard attracts some fratboys later in their Dartmouth career because they want to appear deep.

The Greeks Shall Inherit the Earth: Pen-Portraits of College Social Life

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