The Week in Review

Sunday, October 14, 2007

COS Reform at Long Last?

In a letter to the student body last Wednesday, Acting Dean of the College Dan Nelson announced the first major comprehensive review of the Committee on Standards (COS) since the entire system was last revised in 1993. Acting Associate Dean Katherine Burke will head the review committee as well as choose, along with the Student Assembly through Judicial Affairs, its members, which will consist of three faculty members, administrators, and students each. Director of Judicial Affairs April Thompson and Associate General Counsel Ellen Arnold will assist the committee with information about similar processes at other colleges to give it several directions to work from. The COS hears cases ranging from sexual misconduct to requests for exemption from sophomore summer. Though allegedly a model that demonstrates “best practices,” the COS has come under criticism with adjudication over specific cases in the past and Nelson, as spurred by the ever influential SA in 2006, has finally agreed to act, though conveniently after the appointment of the new Dean Tom Crady in January. Members of the committee will forward their recommendations to Crady in the spring, with the goals of a quicker, simpler, fairer and especially more transparent process in mind, in the context of the College’s educational goals.

SEMP Reform, at Long Last?

In a letter to students on October 9, Acting Dean of the College Dan Nelson announced that this term will see a review of the “Social Event Management Procedures” (SEMP), which is the red tape one encounters when attempting to throw any party involving alcohol. “I deferred that review until a new Dean of the College was identified,” Nelson said, “With Tom Crady’s appointment as the new Dean of the College (effective this coming winter term), fall term is an appropriate time to initiaite that reexamination so that Dean Crady can receive a report and recommendations later in the year.” Over the past four years, there have been two similar review committees. Dean of Residential Life Marty Redman will chair the “small working group (including students and staff)” this term.

Moose Makes Debut, Soils Basic Motor Skills

The Student Assembly at Dartmouth (SAD), longtime bastion of petty nonsense and its admirers, had a surprise guest during their first meeting of the term: the soi-disant “Dartmoose.” The moose costume is rather new, making its debut during orientation. Readers of The Dartmouth Review will know, however, that the moose as a mascot possibility has been around since the 1980s. No one paid it much attention until last year, when SAD started looking into the possibility of a new mascot. The moose was a hit at the SAD meeting, even though its arrival was a bit anti-climactic—unable to see from the costume, someone had to hold its hand as it descended the stairs. This grated conceptually with the costume’s head, which depicts the animal sort of grinding its teeth, perhaps to imply a fierce disposition.

Historic Donation to
Medical Center

Peter and Susan Williamson have recently made a $20 million donation to the Dartmouth Medical School (DMS) and the Dartmouth-Hitchcock Medical Center (DHMC), making it the largest donation received in the history of the medical school and the medical center. Peter Williamson has been deeply connected to Dartmouth as a member of the class of 1958 and now a professor of neurology at DMS along with being the founder and director of the Epilepsy program at DHMC. Williamson sits as the Chair of the Transforming Medicine Campaign to which he has recently donated bringing him $60 million away from his target goal of raising $250 million.
Williamson strongly believes in the work being conducted at both DMS and DHMS and his contributions will make a lasting impact on the development of the two institutions. With the donation Williamson wishes to not only help contribute to the growth of the DMS and DHMC, but also to set an example for others to make such generous and needed donations.

Robert Haines: ‘Bring Your Own Babes’

Presidential hopeful Robert Haines, who has been running for president since 1992, has been making a name for himself around Hanover in recent weeks, entertaining passer-bys on Main Street with awkward statements and goofy antics. Famed for saving President Bill Clinton’s life by tackling a firing gunman, Haines is no stranger to adversity. His latest obstacles on the road to the White House: criminal complaints and a ban from Dartmouth property.
After two females encountered the campaigning cowboy on Main Street and complained, police got involved in the incident. One female asserts that Haines licked her hand, but Haines maintains that she was simply not used to his southern gentility and sexual awkwardness. A second female reports being stalked by Haines while she was out on the town late one evening. But it’s not the first time Haines has been in trouble with the law. Several years ago, Haines was arrested for felonious use of body armor.
Police suggest that the best strategy to avoid Haines’s questionable acts is simply to avoid him. Despite this advisory, Haines continues to campaign for his quest to the presidency, having recently declared, “Victory party at sunset! I invited, like, 50 babes. But they’re all for me, so make sure you bring your own babes!” Although his victory party seems a bit premature, apparently he has convinced Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, Joe Biden, to be his running mate. This would be a hard ticket to beat, considering the wealth of foreign policy knowledge between the two. “Osama bin Laden was last seen in North Waziristan,” claims the independent-minded Haines.

We Want You as a
New Recruit

Last Tuesday and Wednesday, hundreds of eager Dartmouth students poured into the Hopkins Center for the Career Services Employer Connection Fair. The annual event drew students interested in career opportunities as unique and diverse as investment banking and consulting, as well as those interested in nonprofit work or smaller firms.
Despite investment banking’s being a near-tradition at Dartmouth, Career Services did attempt to bring in a diverse range of employers. Despite their efforts, however, only 25 nonprofits and five government agencies participated.
The Employer Connection Fair benefitted both students and employers. Students were able to freely browse through a myriad of different companies and learn about new and different opportunities. An ’09 in attendance said, “There was a lot of everything, whatever you wanted was there.”
In addition to learning about companies, students had the opportunity to network with recruiters and even hone their interviewing skills. Although resumes were not required to attend the Fair, (a Career Services representative said, “We specifically tell employers not to ask for resumes”) many students did leave their resumes along with contact information.
Employers also benefit from the program every year. Smaller corporations and nonprofits use the Fair as an opportunity to get their name out to Dartmouth students. Jane Lannon ’96 of Investor Group Services, a small consulting firm, explained the Fair as a “low-risk way for students to learn about companies.” And that’s exactly what companies like her 30 person firm need. Half of the employees Investor Group Services hired last year were Dartmouth alums.

Waitlists Horrendous for Econ Majors

The economics department is scrambling to accommodate the influx of students who have signed up for economics classes this fall—but there is simply not enough room. Even with the addition of two new sections of Econ 24, ten sections are still over their caps in attempt to squeeze as many students as possible into the courses. The classrooms are crammed, the wait-lists are long, and the competition is fierce.
The number of Econ majors has doubled in the past ten years, resulting in a current enrollment of 209 such majors this fall. This continual expansion of the major could have signaled the College to prepare for a year in which an overwhelming number of students would be signing up for these classes, but instead the registrar has been filled with frantic students attempting to get into the economics classes they want.
Dartmouth is not the only place experiencing a boom in economics. The situation here is reflective of a phenomenon that has taken colleges by storm over the last decade and seems only to be growing. So, to those of you trying to take these courses or fulfill your major requirements: best of luck. That, plus $40,000 dollars, could get you the elite education you’ve been hoping for.

Just a Few More Weeks of Grim Conceptual Art

If you have had the pleasure to walk into the main corridor of Baker Library, you would have encountered avant-garde artist Wenda Gu’s latest installment in his United Nations series of projects. The eighty-foot-long and thirteen-foot-tall monument made of human hair is the newest in a series of pieces which Gu makes using hair from the host country’s citizens. This monument named United Nations: The Green House is accompanied by a seven mile braid of colored human hair that lines the sides of first-floor Berry named United Nations: United Colors.
Breaking from the rest of the series, The Green House uses only local hair and sports a two word message in green. The words ‘educations’ and ‘advertises’ are superimposed on one another, making them impossible to read unless a tour guide reveals them. Squarely in the avant-garde tradition, Gu refuses to explicate meaning in his work and instead forces us to infer meaning for ourselves. Juliette Bianco, assistant director for the Hood Museum of Art, personally gathered 430 pounds of local hair, only part of which was used in the piece, and worked closely with Gu during the monument’s construction. She says that the two word message reflects the idea that post-secondary education in America is big business. She posits that Gu was concerned with the difference between American and Chinese education: we pay an expensive tuition for a freedom of thought and expression; their education is nearly free, but freedom of expression has its price.
Meaning aside, the work’s aesthetics raise ambivalent responses from its viewers. Some admire its artistic intent, while others detest its self-proclaimed vanguard nature. Most, however, don’t regard its significance and simply detest having to walk by a mass of hair on their way to study. Luckily, the College has promised to dispose of the hair on October 28.

Struck Tree Delivers
Baffling Portent

A humid spell in Hanover was ended by a tremendous thunderstorm, one unusually loud and wet. Residents of the Gold Coast heard at one point a deafening thunderclap that indicated the bolt must have struck nearby, and reconnaissance the next day proved that it had. In the College cemetery, one of the tallest pines had been practically split in two. There was something, though, perhaps of interest to diviners or merely the superstitious. A sort of twelve-foot toothpick, until the previous night part of the struck tree and still sticky with resin, had fallen and penetrated the ground several feet deep. The spot where it now stood almost straight up was only a few inches to the east of a grave marker labelled, “W.J.T.” Nearby, a headstone revealed that this was the final resting place of William Jewett Tucker. Perhaps by way of explanation: it was during Tucker’s tenure as president of the College that the Old Pine had been felled, and it was a lightning bolt that did it in.

‘All I Want is an Ivy League Education’

Hanover Police discovered an eleven passed out in the Alpha Delta woods early in the morning of the day he was to matriculate. Upon rousing, he informed the police that “all [he] wanted was an Ivy League education” and that he therefore needed to attend the ceremony that day. The Dartmouth Review has learned that the young man successfully matriculated and is considering a run for class president.

The Merkel Saga: We Blow Our Final Raspberry

Sustainable Dartmouth’s Coordinator Jim Merkel decided to leave Dartmouth College over the summer term. Merkel was hired back in April of 2005 to make Dartmouth a greener, more eco-groovy place. Because it is such a high priority position, the College is hoping to find a replacement by early winter.
Early in his life Merkel was an engineer for a contractor, which supplied the Defense Department with weapons. After a bout of conscience following the Exxon Valdez disaster, he “decided Earth’s problems were too serious to wait until retirement” and promptly quit his job. Before he was hired by Dartmouth he had just written a book, “Radical Simplicity,” to help people leave small “footprints on a finite earth.”
So why did Merkel decide to leave Dartmouth? He told the Daily Dartmouth, “I didn’t even have time to pick my raspberries in my garden….It was a really tough decision, because I really loved my job at Dartmouth. I’m in a place where I don’t need paid employment, so I need to lever my time for the planet.”
Fair thee well Jim Merkel, you “gentle soul” you.

Wright Calls on
Sophomore Summer to Get Weird

In a recent address to Dartmouth Faculty, President James Wright outlined possible changes to a unique Dartmouth tradition: sophomore summer. Though no committee has been set up to explore changes, Wright outlined some possibilities in his speech: “for example, could we schedule classes differently, including three week intensive units? Could we provide for three course credit courses-providing for intensive work in a field of study? Could we take fuller advantage of professional school faculty teaching in summer courses? Could we include during the summer a focus on themes that address the great issues of the day and provide opportunities for students to consider how they can develop as leaders?” We might add: Could we uncancel Tubestock?

Vexatious Oral Exchange

In a recent trend, the Daily Dartmouth has found a home for several strangely boring articles on divers and sundry sex acts. This being Dartmouth, it was only a matter of time before some administrator suggested that, in light of recent events, we really ought to discard this “freedom of the press” bad habit.

>Date: 10 Oct 2007 13:52:33 -0400
>From: Mary-Therese Braun
>Subject: “The D”
>To: Center for Women and Gender

Dear Center for Women and Gender,

I hope you will take a stand and officially respond to the vile pornography recently printed in “The D.” I am furious that such trash was published. These misogynist writings are meant to upset women and ‘keep them in their place.’ Dartmouth is a co-ed college. It is not a 42nd Street peep show parlor, or the back room of Hustler magazine. These students have filthy second-rate minds. If they are representative of Dartmouth then we’re all wasting our energy, and it’s time to close up and go home. There is no reason to further the education of pornographers. People have tried to “legitimize” it for years. Ha. Filth is filth. They just don’t want to wear the mantle.

Some day Aurora Wells and Zach Gottlieb might have daughters who read their opinions and feel nothing but contempt for them. How sad. Their pieces might even follow them to job interviews with women executives. Poetic justice.

If there is a faculty advisor for “The D,” he or she should be reprimanded. This disgusting pornography is designed to upset the decent, hardworking women on campus; cause hostility and provide the writers with lots of attention. This does not fall under “freedom of the press.” That’s the usual nonsensical mantra of people whose ideas lack validity. They need to distort principles to suit their purposes, and allow them a place to hide.

It’s time for the Center for Woman and Gender to take a stand. Please do not be silent.

Sincerely,
Mary-Therese Braun
Administrator, Studio Art

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