Monday, September 22, 2008

Lacessit Me: Operation Gadfly

Despite what you have heard from administrators, alums, or the DOC cabal that welcomed you to campus, The Dartmouth Review is not an organ of bigoted meanies—we are simply a group of student-writers that love this college and want to remind others why this place is so great.

Indian Fall Football Preview

Dartmouth opened up this season with a preseason game against bitter rivals Harvard down in Cambridge on September 12. This game was monumental for Dartmouth football as it put the Indians on a more even playing field with Colgate and other non-league opponents who will have played at least three games before the Ivy League begins play.

Dartmouth’s Best Professors...

Marlene Heck -- Lucas Swaine -- Russell Hughes -- Paul Christesen -- P. David Lagomarsino -- John Rassias

... and Dartmouth's Worst

Shelby Grantham: A self-described “recovering racist” who makes her classes into an airing of grievances rather than a study of literature because she “can’t read male authors anymore,” Grantham injects her writing courses with dogmatic liberalism. Notorious for declaring Band-Aids “racist” because of their color, she terrorizes those who disagree with her and fills her class with rants that verge on insanity (the plight of the lobsters at the Co-Op apparently keeps her from sleeping at night). If you find yourself unlucky enough to be assigned to her Writing 5 section, bolt for the door.

Courses of Note

Editor’s Note: None of the following courses has a prerequisite. We provide here course reviews of a few of the introductory courses you are likely to consider, and a few smaller, upper-level courses that have met with consistently excellent reviews over the past few years. They are truly some of Dartmouth’s best.

A Western Culture Primer

Notwithstanding Philip Larkin’s remark in “A Study of Reading Habits” that “books are a load of crap,” reading can in fact be something “worth ruining my eyes” for, to quote the same poem again. (Okay, maybe not—that argument is for another time.)

The Greeks Shall Inherit the Earth: Pen-Portraits of College Social Life

Editor’s Note: Presented here for your consideration and enjoyment are brief pen-portraits of Dartmouth’s venerable fraternites and sororities. Some might accuse us of trafficking in generalities; to our defense, we hope that these sketches will serve as fine, humorous introductions to the true hardword of the College.

Greek Life: A Freshman Girl’s Take

My fridge was loaded with Jell-O shots and an oversized bottle of Malibu Rum. Wearing our very deadliest outfits, my new floor-mates and I assembled in my room to pre-game to the tune of “I Kissed a Girl.”

TDR’s Guide to Freshman Etiquette

Pea-green freshmen: you’re about to embark on a four-year journey of embarrassing hookups, inopportune booting, and debilitating hangovers. The following tips will help to minimize your stupid decisions at Dartmouth. However, it’s inevitable that you’ll ignore this advice and make a fool of yourself anyway. After all, you are freshmen.

The Real Dartmouth Seven

Ahh, the illustrious “Dartmouth Seven”…No, not that “Seven.” Any schmuck leaving a Sig Ep dance party with a hot and bothered girl on his arm can finagle his way into a late night romp on Jimmy Wright’s lawn with a carefully timed: “I don’t think you won’t. I know you won’t.” I’m talking about the real Dartmouth Seven (although I suppose it’s the Dartmouth 15 for the fairer sex)—a licentious visit to the seven sororities.

Lost Songs of Old Dartmouth

Editor’s Note: Presented here for your consideration and enjoyment is a selection of the songs of which the present administration does not approve but which were sung by generations of Dartmouth students. Many of these songs were prohibited or altered b

Freshman Year Made Simple

So you’ve returned from your freshman trip, blisters and all, relieved to have completed your exhilarating experience in the vast New Hampshire wilderness. You’re ready now to jump feet first into the big world of college life; you’re back on campus; you’re in the mainstream of the Ivy League academe; you are—in the New Hampshire woods?

The Storied History of Dartmouth College

Webster’s lip quivered and his voice choked as he delivered the final words. Justice Marshall’s eyes were reportedly moist with tears. A decision was postponed for a year as some of the justices pondered the case. During the interim, Webster, aware of public sentiment’s influence on court decisions, circulated widely the printed copies of his argument.

Freshman Group Think

A.S. Erickson

Freshman Group Think

Editor’s Note: The following book was assigned to be read by the class of 2012 by the First-Year Office. Dean Lacey, Professor of Government, chose the book and will give an address on it to the ‘12s upon their arrival.

What is a College Education?

Who are you?
If you are part of Western civilization, your cultural ancestors are a tiny monotheistic desert tribe of Israelites and a small city-state in what we now call Greece. Even if you are unaware of this dual heritage, it influences your life every day.

The Last Word

Going to college offered me the chance to play football for four more years.
—Ronald Reagan

Barrett’s Mixology

The (Sweet) Orientation
One rack of ‘Stones

Serving Suggestions: Pound them too fast; too furious