Kabir Sehgal, Master of Fine Prose.

The Daily Dartmouth is noted, of course, for its delightful prose. Take, for example, this treat from today’s edition:

“For only the second time this summer, beef strips will flow like water as unimitatable campus dining option Homeplate opens for a one-night-only showing tomorrow.”

I couldn’t help but be reminded of the fine work of Kabir Sehgal, the staff columnist who first pushed the idea of “Branding” Dartmouth. Here are some gems from his collected works.

From a bit on late-night comedy:

“Two minutes later, I was laughing louder than the voice of an auctioneer.”

“Let’s just say his idea of funny is not in keeping with the rest of America as his Nielsen television ratings have slipped lower than the price of a Christmas tree on Dec. 26.”

“…funnier than Ex-Lax in a diarrhea ward.”

And these, I think, speak for themselves:

“‘Bzzz!’ The Monday morning alarm clock buzzer is an annoying reminder. It is the clock’s way of saying “The weekend is over.”

“America lost its moral way years ago. It bounced on the aimless avenue of ambiguity like a dazed child springing on her trampoline. “

“The media has swooped in on LeBron like vultures going after appetizing prey, or — in Dartmouth terms — like an ardent coterie of ’06 girls going after the Dartmouth Cords.”

“Sniff, sniff. Something stinks. America’s skies are more polluted than Chi Gam’s basement.”

Kabir Sehgal – that guy is a bit of terrific.