Daunting’s Inferno

Ingredients

• Wood-smoked glass
• 2 oz Fireball Cinnamon Whiskey
• ½ oz Ayahuasca
• 3 Hours spent perusing Layup List 
• 1 Sabbatical professor (to taste)

Our Homecoming has come a bit earlier than expected and with it comes the need to train our livers at an expeditious pace. Varying levels of intoxication are required to appreciate the traditions of the College on the Hill. Through our extensive nights of quarantine binging, the 2019 film Midsommar has made its way into the cultural lexicon. 

As the cinnamon-masked Ayahuasca slowly courses through your veins you will find that burning lumber and freshman of varying VO2 maxes making their way around will resemble a cross between The Wicker Man and Florence Pugh’s dancing with the nordic cult.

But then, like the shriek of GDX tables being pulled, a sinking feeling hits your heart. How on Earth am I going to get SCI credit? Which Econ course will preserve my GPA to meet Goldman’s minimum requirements? Why is Astronomy no longer a layup?

For this you go to the Dartmouth encyclopedia: layuplist.com, and scroll through medians, reviews and WGSS courses unsure of the meaning of life and why you came back to campus. This is the importance of the Fireball. It masks the hallucinogens, but also reminds you of senior year of high school. The nostalgia reinvigorates you. You are a go-getter. A member of an elite institution which will allow you to explore virtually anything you want in life. Let the Inferno run through your heart this homecoming and even if it fails to… remember there are worse paths in life.

You could be writing haikus at Occom pond.