Green Key Preview

Coachella Valley, meet Tuck Mall. Following a three-year hiatus, the annual Dartmouth tradition that began in 1899 will finally return. This is Green Key—the weekend whose revered history contains the melodic echoes of Wiz Khalifa, Kesha, T-Pain, A$AP Rocky, and Waka Flocka—and it will be out of this world, or so we are told.

This Friday, the esteemed Programming Board concert will headline a few debatably popular music stars. The event’s long-awaited resurgence following the last two years of COVID restrictions will feature the Californian singer/songwriter Kyle Harvey, aka “KYLE,” along with the LA-based indie-pop band Saint Motel. 

Despite slight variations in opinion, campus seems to agree that the announcement of KYLE’s role as a co-headliner was anything but exciting. “I mean, he’s obviously a meme-and-a-half,” remarked one student. Others took a more direct approach. “Yeah, I do not f*** with that guy,” declared a ’25 in admiration of his own, more refined taste in rap. One individual less familiar with the world of one-hit wonders from the 2010s exclaimed, “I guess Saint Motel is fine, but who the f*** is Kyle?”, as he nonchalantly watched his $7 Collis smoothie glide into its cup.

For those of you in the same boat as the last student, you really need to stop spending so much DBA on Life Changers. Just think: that is an entire tender queso you are squandering. However, if you commit no such atrocity but simply occupy another seat on the boat of shared KYLE bewilderment, allow me to enlighten you. Kyle Harvey is a 28-year-old rapper who’s collaborated with big names: Kehlani, Lil Yachty, G-Eazy, Chance the Rapper, Ty Dolla Sign, and others comprise the list. He is best known for his hit single “iSpy,” which peaked, some will argue, along with his career in 2016. I must clarify that, despite popular belief, Harvey did not contribute to Lil Yachty and DRAM’s hit single “Broccoli.” This popular misconception is not unfounded, though, as KYLE’s “iSpy” features Lil Yachty and supposedly received Yachty’s assistance. Nonetheless, whether Kyle Harvey’s music career is viable on its own will be for you to determine after his highly anticipated showing this Friday. 

In contrast with @superduperkyle, Saint Motel seems to garner a decent amount of acclaim among Dartmouth students. Saint Motel’s single “My Type” is widely known, with upwards of 42 million views on YouTube. While a respectable choice as co-headliner, Saint Motel seems less alluring to students considering the void left by KYLE’s inability to meet their heightened expectations. After all, this upcoming weekend will be the first Green Key weekend for everyone but the ’22s. Regardless, I must emphasize that all pre-concert analysis of student opinion is mere speculation—any group (or particular campus organization) remains capable of facilitating a surprise Drake performance come Friday night.

Instead of wasting more time on mainstream noisemakers, I want to highlight Moon Unit, authors of “Buff Tenderly Queso” and recent winners of Dartmouth’s Battle of the Bands, who will kick off the Programming Board’s Friday evening concert at 6:30 pm. You can find them on Instagram at @moonunitofficial.

I am looking forward to Moon Unit’s set, as I know, given Dartmouth’s abundance of musical talent, that they must be pretty good to win the Battle of the Bands. Upon hearing far-more-expensive performances this weekend, we may learn that support from someone as famous as Lil Yachty cannot account or make up for an artist’s lack of talent. 

But, before losing hope in the non-Dartmouth “stars,” I would like to mention the final remaining artist on the Programming Board’s line-up. Disclaimer: don’t hold your breath. Doechii, the Floridian native and rapper who some (including herself) call the Swamp Princess, will follow Moon Unit in what will be an undeniable juxtaposition of professional artistry with homegrown funk. Instead of attempting to describe Doechii’s inspiring work, I will direct you to Spotify, Apple Music, or any other streaming service where you can find her hit single “Spookie Coochie.” I can only hope that it will provide the answers for which you seek.  

If, so far, you are disappointed with the options described, I would remind you that Green Key will feature additional, non-Programming Board performances. Various off-campus organizations will host live bands and DJs throughout the weekend. We did our best to compile these events into an unofficial schedule, which you will find in our Week-In-Review section. If you are still disappointed after reviewing our unofficial program, I will admit that you may lose hope, and suggest that the only solution will be to shift your frame of reference for a few days. Luckily, I believe there will exist an abundance of avenues for you to do so. After all, isn’t that what this week is all about?