Radical “Innovates Language” to Combat Oppression

On Thursday, October 17, The Dartmouth Radical, which we all know as one of the great bastions of critical analysis and intellectual thought on campus, hosted a “Resistance Workshop” led by Professor Russell Rickford.

The event drew at least 60 attendees, which was rather impressive. I wonder, however, how many of those people, such as myself, attended solely for the entertainment value. One gem came from the infamous Jennifer McGrew, who asserted that “being a woman, person of color, or LGBTQ” at Dartmouth is in and of itself a form of resistance against oppression.

I was absolutely shocked to learn all about the manifold sources of oppression plaguing campus.

Apparently “linguistic hegemony,” “fascist beauty standards,” “time aka being busy,” “the D-Plan,” and “The Dartmouth Review” are all grave sources of inequality and oppression facing the Dartmouth community.

Literally anything.

Most notably, Professor Rickford stated that we must “innovate new language” to fight the overwhelming amount of oppression present at Dartmouth. If adding “-ism” to random words counts as innovation, color me disappointed. “DDSism” is apparently a form of inequality and oppression on campus, as are “carerism” and “colonism”. Whatever those are, they sound painful.

These things are oppressing you right now.

I guess basic spelling and a command of the English language are fascist and oppressive, too. Maybe the evil white man came and developed a system of spelling so he could differentiate between “good” and “bad” spelling- the educated and the uneducated, the elite and the poor. Perhaps by intentionally mispelling wurds thee Radeekul cannae taek backe thee sisteme.

It seems that they forgot “Spellingism.”

Next thing you know, the Radical will come out with a scathing op-ed attacking the weather as an instrument of the Man for keeping us down, especially in the winter, when we are suppressed from above.

I guess they never got to the “How” section.

And despite a lack of actual Kool-Aid, attendees seemed to be drinking copious amounts of the proverbial kind. Attendees engaged in cultish rituals such as snapping to demonstrate approval, while “brainstorming sessions” demonstrated groupthink in action. Rational logic and discussions grounded in reality were few and far between. There was no debate about the merits of capitalism, just a blind recognition of its wickedness. 

To be fair, the Radical is very honest. The group’s name alone suggests that it seeks to alienate itself from the rest of campus through a far left wing agenda. So until the next Dimensions show comes around, it appears that the group will continue to practice activism by making up words. 

— Broderick Crouch