Review Reviews: Green Key 2023 – A Satisfyingly Escapist Long Weekend

Another Green Key has come and gone, and, to the delight of our party-loving student body, the festivities were, it is safe to say, a success. The weekend provided a much-needed break from the labors of our academic pursuits and, for some at least, a break from any mental effort at all. It is the quintessential Dartmouth experience to booze the days away before, after, and sometimes (if you’re clever) during class. We can boast of this annual concert with pride to our lifeless, boring Ivy League peers who have not mastered the work-play balance necessary to maintain sanity. 

The party atmosphere started well before the Friday concert commenced. It would not be outrageous to conclude, even, that some fraternity brothers were incapacitated from Wednesday to Sunday. As a freshman experiencing his first Green Key, this slow build up to the weekend made it all the more enjoyable. There was a sort of exciting atmosphere, the kind you feel as a kid on Christmas Eve as you imagine the presents under the tree. An elation was certainly contagious among the student body, and it was hard not to get caught in the spirit of things. One person described this pre-weekend time to me as the peak of his celebration.

The sun was shining and the prospects of a fun weekend consumed our thoughts (perhaps to the detriment of some people’s studies). It is this sort of imagination that really makes a college tradition timeless. There is possibly no better time to feel unified as Dartmouth students than at Green Key.

Friday morning’s classes were undoubtedly underpopulated. It felt rather like the last day of school before summer vacation, when everybody is waiting for the fun to begin. Once students got out of probably the longest classes of the term, the need to quench their thirst was quickly satisfied—if it hadn’t been already. The Phi Delt block party was a great start to the festivities; the music, notably that of a California band that certainly looked and sounded Californian, was successful at pumping Dartmouth up. Student band Mooch also added to the vibes. The sun was shining, the music good, and the spirit free. A visitor who hails from a less-than-lively institution was intrigued by the school-sanctioned shenanigans, free-flowing Keystone cans, and general excited behavior of the event. To that, we say, welcome to Dartmouth!

After a quick break for rejuvenation, recollection, and perhaps a quick nap, people slowly flowed into the main concert event. One common complaint of the weekend was the unnecessary and superfluous wristband security. After someone decided to steal a load of the wristbands from the Programming Board, students were required to show their IDs, rendering the whole bracelet concept useless. Someone called it a horrible idea: the wristbands should not have been necessary in the first place. It was also a shame that a select few students’ attempts to carry in beverages were met with resistance. The genius students at Dartmouth ought to put their brains to use and find more creative solutions to this ubiquitous problem. 

The first performance of the show was that of Frank, the student band. The general consensus was that Frank put together a good gig. The DJ, Duckfoot, was a little less inspiring. The music did not really amplify the party mood. The first non-student act of the show was Cochise—not the Apache leader, but the rapper. One might wonder, though, if the war chief could have done a better job. If people had planned correctly, their states of mind (and BAC) would have been just right to approach the performance, and they would not have cared about how abysmal the act was. But, according to numerous accounts, this was certainly not the highlight of the night. One concert-goer said that “it didn’t have a live feel to it; it sounded like a SoundCloud album.” Even for a contemporary student body easily entranced (for some reason) by the sounds of rap, Cochise’s performance did not seal the deal. Neon Trees,  the headliner of the night, did somewhat better, receiving mixed reviews. One person commented that the performance was good and met expectations; another said that it was merely “okay.” Overall, the music was certainly not on par with Woodstock ’69, but the spirit was the same. I guess it doesn’t take good music to have a good time. 

Once the concert was over, people were able to leave the confines of the dry Tuck Drive and return to freedom. It was a great night for the fraternities, and an unnamed participant of the activities said he had “never been so wasted.” Five-beer pong, he said, is the only way to play. It can only be wondered what wondrous stories this interviewee could have offered had he not sacrificed his memory to the unconsciousness of a blackout. But, I suppose that’s part of the fun. The true professionals were up bright and early on Saturday to continue the non-stop party affair. Despite the rain, it was the “best weekend of my Dartmouth career,” said another individual. 

Sunday marked the return to reality and a quickly emergent nostalgia for the nights before. A very noticeable sadness spread through campus and the obligatory Instagram posts. The fun was over, and the thought of the next two weeks of grueling final assessments loomed large. Nevertheless, memories had been made, lifelong friendships cemented, and a collective Dartmouth spirit strengthened. The ’26s now know they have something to look forward to next year, and the ’23s got one more memory before they go. 

As the culmination of Dartmouth’s annual traditions, Green Key did not disappoint. This author has admittedly been critical of Homecoming and Winter Carnival. But Green Key lived up to the hype. Perhaps it did so because it was, for the most part, free of any bureaucratic nonsense and overbearing organization and rules. The College must be given some credit for allowing the students to let loose and enjoy themselves before the term ends. The administration could very easily have put its foot down and ended all the fun. Green Key, though, was and is a time for celebration. One can only hope that, as President-elect Beilock assumes office very soon, traditions like these will remain fully intact.