Ingredients
- Toilet Paper
- Purell (or Everclear)
- Pepto-Bismol
- Desperation
- Tequila
His papers are submitted, it was not fun,
But now his work is finally done.
This occasion should be joyous, he departs the triumphant victor,
And yet he has nothing at home to clean his precious sphincter.
This ’23, a New Yorker at heart,
Genuinely fears having to depart.
Maybe he can go somewhere in better shape,
What about Somalia, or is it also agape.
He runs through the bathrooms of Anonymous Hall,
Looking for Toilet Paper to roll up into a ball.
His grandfather called up, and Costco was out,
“It hasn’t been this bad since we fought the krauts.”
In his panic, he is unsure what else he can stash,
Tries to bribe the janitors, but they won’t take cash.
He steals his roommate’s’ underwear reserve,
The kid is DP2, there’s too many clothes to conserve.
The Coach is here, he must finally leave,
He puts on a mask and falls to his knees.
“Hail Mary!” he cries out as onlookers gather,
“Don’t let me die with just these Charmin tatters!”
— Alcibiades York
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