The Shameful Sip

Ingredients
– White Claw
– Self-loathing
– A small penis
– Pumpkin spice seasoning

Have you ever felt your black cherry white claw just wasn’t festive enough? Well, for an autumn twist you’ll enjoy just as much coming up as going down, take a can of White Claw, crack it open while you leave your dignity behind, stir in a heaping tablespoon of the decaying remains of that free pumpkin you got at FoCo that one time, and boil over your contraband Marshmallow Fireside Bath and Body Works candle. Let the mixture cool while you catch up on this week’s Bachelorette. Pour your concoction into your periwinkle Hydro Flask.

Garnish with KAF’s Brie and Apple Sandwich to taste, and chug on your way to the first night that Psi U opens for freshmen.

Now, for all of you White Claw apologists out there saying things like—

“Well, I drink White Claw for the flavor.”

“But I only like the Lime ones!”

“Ain’t no laws when you’re drinking Claws”

“But, it has less calories than Keystone.”

On behalf of your grandfather, I’m going to tell you to shut the f**k up.

— Scotch Cara, Alcibiades York, Lil Genghis