The Tremendous Trump 2.0

Donald J. Trump

Trump Vodka
A small loan of $1m
Trump Steak, very well done
Large, strong hands
An epithet for John Kasich

We’re winning by a lot, even though I’m being treated unfairly by the media and the RNC. I have tremendous brain. I went to the Wharton School of Finance. I have words. I know the best words.

I will beat incompetent Hillary Clinton. That I can tell you. No, it’s true. That Fox poll is a total hit on me. Incredibly dishonest. I’m beating her by a lot, and I haven’t even started on her. Oh, are we going to do a number on her. I cherish and respect women. Everyone knows that I will be the best candidate for women. I will take care of women’s health!

First, it was low energy Jeb! Then it was little Marco. I’m still working on lyin’ Ted. How do you spell lyin’? L-Y-E-N. He is totally controlled by his super PAC, the donors and the special interests. He claims to be for the people but took a loan from Goldman Sachs, much like how I took a small loan from my father.

I am endorsed by Chris Christie and Paul LePage. Highly respected governors. Once I am President, our country will start winning again. We will win on trade. We will win at the border. We will win militarily. Oh, believe me, ISIS will be gone so fast. We’re going to do far worse than waterboarding. They’re chopping off heads. We can’t be so politically correct anymore.

I shouldn’t have to win some random number of delegates. I have the most votes, the most delegates. I should be the nominee. We need to unify. Make America Great Again!

By Donald J. Trump