Interviewing with Soldman Crachs

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To: John.J.Johnson.17@dartmouth.edu
Cc: GabrielleGonsales@soldmancrachs.com
Subject: Upcoming Interview
From: ChipShoulder@soldmancrachs.com
Date: July 18, 2015

Dear Mr. Johnson,

It is my pleasure to inform you that you have been selected among a pool of potential candidates for an on campus interview. Here at Soldman we pride ourselves on a competitive applicant pool and congratulate you on your making it this far. We assure you that we used the utmost discrimination in our unique “people-blind” selection process and believe wholeheartedly that you have potential to be a strong candidate for the position of Winter Analyst.

That being said, the interview will last an hour and you should come well prepared. At the interview we will determine your level of fit within our unique, client-first corporate culture. A variety of aptitude tests may be administered, so we ask that all interviewees bring the following items:

1) a resume and cover letter
2) a calculator (graphing calculators recommended but not necessary)
3) a full set of Encyclopedia Britannica
4) an abacus
5) a protractor
6) a Bunsen burner
7) the latest copy of The New York Times and The Wall Street Journal (The Economist recommended but not necessary)

We look forward to seeing you in a few days.

Sincerely,
Chip O. Shoulder
Regional Head of Recruitment, Northeast
Soldman Crachs, LLC.
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-BEGIN NEW FORWARDED MESSAGE-
To: Amnat.Helpfool@opd.com
From: John.J.Johnson.17@dartmouth.edu
Date: July 19, 2015

Dear Mr. Helpfool,

Please see the message I forwarded you, which I received from the recruiter for Soldman. Did you notice that a few of the items on the list for the interview were a little odd? A Bunsen burner? An abacus? I honestly can’t tell if he is yanking my chain or not…

Best,
John Johnson
Economics Major
Theater, English, and Linguistics triple minor
Dartmouth College
-END FORWARDED MESSAGE-

-BEGIN NEW MESSAGE-
To: John.J.Johnson.17@dartmouth.edu
From: Amnat.Helpfool@opd.com
Date: July 20, 2015

Dear John,

Hmm… Typically they just ask for pencil, resume, calculator, scratch paper. I ask that you remember the three “p’s”: Preparation, Professionalism, and Practice. As principles one and two advise, you should err on the side of caution and bring all of the requested items.

Using the three “p’s,” students like yourself have often landed great jobs and locked down return offers. So, keep up the good work, and see if there are any antique dealers in the Upper Valley who may be able to provide you with an abacus.

Also, I have just sent you a few additional surveys to complete via our website. They shouldn’t take longer than 5 minutes each. To ensure that all our students are granted an equal footing, I must lock you out of using any of our online resources until you have completed the surveys. Remember, each survey completed also gives you a 1 in 1000 chance of receiving a $5 Amazon gift card! You could buy your protractor with that money, and get change back!

Sincerely,
Amnat Helpfool
Assistant Director
Office of Professional Dessication
Dartmouth College
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-BEGIN NEW MESSAGE-
To: Amnat.Helpfool@opd.com
From: John.J.Johnson.17@dartmouth.edu
Date: July 22, 2015

Dear Mr. Helpfool,

Sorry for not getting back to you promptly. I was out, busy, getting the required items. Luckily I got them all, including the abacus. Don’t really know how to use the thing but we’ll see how it goes. Anyway, I have my interview in 30 minutes, so I better head over now.

Best,
John Johnson
Economics Major
Theater, English, and Linguistics triple minor
Dartmouth College
-END OF MESSAGE-

-BEGIN NEW MESSAGE-
To: ChipShoulder@soldmancrachs.com
Cc: GabrielleGonsales@soldmancrachs.com
Bcc: Amnat.Helfpfool@opd.com
Subject: Thank you
From: John.J.Johnson.17@dartmouth.edu
Date: July 23, 2015

Dear Mr. Shoulder,

Thank you for granting me your time today to interview. I was excited to learn about Soldman Crach’s “Intern First” program, and was interested to see how it fit with the firm’s unique client-first culture. As I said in the interview, it has been a pleasure getting to know you and Ms. Gonsales at our interview, the “Sub-Prime in No Time” themed workshop, and the “Labrador Retrievers in Finance” information session. I am very interested in Soldman and think that my experience managing portfolios in the Dartmouth Undergraduates Investing Cult would help me add value to the firm. Please let me know if there is anything else you need from me.

Sincerely,
John Johnson
Economics Major
Theater, English, and Linguistics triple minor
Dartmouth College
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To: John.J.Johnson.17@dartmouth.edu
Subject: good note
From: Amnat.Helfpfool@opd.com
Date: July 23, 2015

Dear John,

Solid thank you note. I’m sure that will help strengthen your candidacy. I especially liked your mention of attending the “Labrador Retrievers in Finance” information session. Even though you do not self-identify as a Labrador Retriever, your attendance at the session shows initiative and a degree of fit with Soldman’s “Diversity First” culture.

I have to ask, how did the interview go? Did you feel prepared? Was there anything else we could have done to help you be more prepared?

Sincerely,
Amnat Helpfool
Assistant Director
Office of Professional Dessication
Dartmouth College
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-BEGIN NEW MESSAGE-
To: Amnat.Helfpfool@opd.com
From: John.J.Johnson.17@dartmouth.edu
Date: July 24, 2015

Dear Mr. Helpfool,

Thank you for the reassurance on the note.

The interview went O.K. I felt like I did well on the fit questions, even though I basically just regurgitated what was on their website and recruitment handouts. One of my Interviewer’s three blackberries rang during the interview and he decided to ignore it. I think that means he was genuinely interested in hearing about how my coursework in Linguistics applied to money market accounting!

The quant section was kind of tough. My roommate took the batteries from my calculator so I had to use the abacus for most of the number crunching. Worse, my suit was soaked with sweat from lugging the Britannica’s over so I couldn’t stop the sweat from falling on my paper. I think they just thought I was nervous.

I feel like I was as prepared as I could have been…sort of.

Sincerely,
John Johnson
Economics Major
Theater, English, and Linguistics triple minor
Dartmouth College
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-BEGIN NEW MESSAGE –
To: Amnat Helpfool@opd.com
From: John.J.Johnson.17@dartmouth.edu
Date: July 24, 2015

Dear John,

That is unfortunate to hear that you struggled with the quant section. That’s why we always recommend bringing a spare pair of batteries!

Nonetheless it is good to hear that you did well with the fit section. As we discussed those websites and recruiting pamphlets can be gold mines for industry buzz words!

What do you think could have helped you to be more prepared? Also, keep an eye out for those surveys! They help us help you. Synergy, in corporate lingo, you rising star!

Sincerely,
Amnat Helpfool
Assistant Director
Office of Professional Dessication
Dartmouth College
-END OF MESSAGE-

-BEGIN NEW MESSAGE –
To: John.J.Johnson.17@dartmouth.edu
Subject: Soldman Offer
From: ChipShoulder@soldmancrachs.com
Date: July 30, 2015

Dear Mr. Johnson,

I am writing to tell you that Ms. Gonsales and I enjoyed getting to know you during the interview. Your abacus skills were…daunting. Additionally, we feel your answers to our questions regarding your fit with the company culture were perfect, almost eerily so.

But, you won’t be needing your Britannica or your protractor anymore, because you’ll be working on the Soldman trading floor! Please see the attached 20 page contract, which is legally binding from the moment you sign it until our termination of your internship or your resignation. We find that providing our interns with a little legal nudge early on helps attune them to the intensely rewarding few months ahead of them! After training, we find that most interns feel their work is so rewarding that they spend hours at the office, often staying until 1, 2, or 3 A.M. night after night! Of course, our company tracker system is nothing more than a formality, as most of this binding process will be relatively painless.

We look forward to seeing you at the start date described in the attached document. Welcome to the team!

Sincerely,
Chip O. Shoulder
Regional Head of Recruitment, Northeast
Soldman Crachs, LLC.

P.S. Make sure you terminate your facebook, twitter, instagram, snapchat, personal email and other social media accounts. We will be providing you with a new phone, new email, and new social media accounts. All of your posts will be monitored to see that they conform with our company’s “sensible online citizenry” protocols and will be automarked with our signature #soldmancrachs hashtag.