The Ban-Ender
The Ban-Ender 3 Keystone Lights, warm and half-foam 2 banned Jell-O shots that weren’t in the fridge long enough Buckets of sweat from an intense…
Barrett’s Mixology
The Seal-Breaker
Ingredients 1 beer multiplied by 2 shots of cheap whiskey The week after Homecoming was a rough one for W.A Bénak, and not just because…
Wheelock’s Fountain of Youth
Gallons of New England Rum Gallons of Malaga Wine Pounds of sugar Hundreds of lemons Dozens of limes 1 pound of nutmeg ’Twas a…
Hanover Iced Tea
The Hanover Iced Tea 1 part Gin 1 part White Rum 1 part Silver Tequila 1 part Vodka 1 part Triple Sec 1 part Simple…
The Bishop
A fine crystal glass filled with Madeira A teaspoon of lemon juice A teaspoon of sugar A dash of nutmeg Don Pablo entered the hall…
The Big White Rally
Ice, ice baby Dying traditions Global warming President Phil Hanlon looked out across the melting snow, a frown breaking his normally apathetic expression. The world…
2020: Ameer’s Dartmouth
Banned hard alcohol Dear Old Dartmouth, It is with great sadness that I write to you about the situation on the ground at Dartmouth College,…
MAGA!
1 part Limiting Access to Abortion 2 parts Dirt-covered Hands of the Working Man 1 part “Marriage is between a man and a woman” Garnished…
Locker Room Talk
Hurt Feelings Moral Superiority High Horses She used to be great. She’s still very cunning. I moved on her, actually. You know, she was down…
The Gas Guzzler
1 pt. top shelf vodka… paid for by NextGen Dash of premium, low-octane gasoline… also paid for by NextGen Tuesday: 5:46 PM Via Text Message: …