The Banlon
Spirits Puritan Wrath Juan Carlos thought back to his college days as his mustache rubbed against the crinkled sheet. Had Eleazar Wheelock felt like this,…
Barrett’s Mixology
The Worst Mixo Ever
2 parts someone else’s vodka 1 part salty tears of fratless living 1 case of warm, cheap beer It’s day 12 and morale is running…
Bloody Green Key Sunday
Premium Vodka Sriracha Adderall Hopeless evasion of the events of the previous 48 hours Salt Celery Smoked paprika When partying well into Saturday night and…
The Quinetiket River Brewe
A drop of brandy, to keep up the spirits A goodly glass of cider, dark A seaman’s tot of dark Caribbean rum A shot of…
How I Spent my 4/20
1 Bowl of Autumn Blend Tobacco 1 Briar Pipe 2 Lips of Copenhagen Long Cut 1 Bottle of Douro Valley Port No one really knows…
The Tremendous Trump 2.0
Trump Vodka A small loan of $1m Trump Steak, very well done Large, strong hands An epithet for John Kasich We’re winning by a lot,…
The Ballad of Sir Loyn de Béf
A glass of warm milk A little nostalgia One night some weeks past, as Sir Loyn de Béf dined with a few of his fine…
The Pour Man’s Canada Goose
4 parts coffee from the HOP 1 part creamer 4 pumps of sugar 1 long pour of Jim Beam Bourbon There used to be this…
Carny Repellant
2 lips of long cut, Greenville chewing tobacco 1 bottle of Old Medley Bourbon 4 servings of cotton candy 6 gumballs (accidentally swallowed) Granite in…
The Elegantly Cultural
6 cans of a noseable hipster-preferred craft lager, like Keystone Light (in the white can, of course) 6 glasses worth of competition-quality Italian Pinot Noir,…