The Illiterate Libation

Ingredients

Eight overdue library books you swore you’d read (“for fun”)

Four of the Seven done (before he “got tired”)

A Canada Goose stolen from an international

Three straight shots of gin

A line of fresh powder (at least somewhere on campus has snow)

This concoction is best consumed in a carrel in the stacks as you realize it’s 2am and you got to the library at 2pm. The breeze outside may as well be the “hill winds” of College lore, and the ten-degree temperature may as well be zero Kelvin. Instead of looking at that econ p-set for the 15th time, what better way to spend a night of winter term than on a bender. As Baker-Berry’s heating goes limp and the cold starts to bite, the gin will keep you warm. The memory of the three of the Seven that you didn’t do and the books that you didn’t read will haunt you like Marley haunted Scrooge. That line of fresh powder will give you the courage to face down the last phantasm before sunrise: the ghost of that Goose-wearing international who insists, “I swear I don’t waste money on clothes, man!”