The Quinetiket River Brewe
A drop of brandy, to keep up the spirits A goodly glass of cider, dark A seaman’s tot of dark Caribbean rum A shot of…
Barrett’s Mixology
How I Spent my 4/20
1 Bowl of Autumn Blend Tobacco 1 Briar Pipe 2 Lips of Copenhagen Long Cut 1 Bottle of Douro Valley Port No one really knows…
The Tremendous Trump 2.0
Trump Vodka A small loan of $1m Trump Steak, very well done Large, strong hands An epithet for John Kasich We’re winning by a lot,…
The Ballad of Sir Loyn de Béf
A glass of warm milk A little nostalgia One night some weeks past, as Sir Loyn de Béf dined with a few of his fine…
The Pour Man’s Canada Goose
4 parts coffee from the HOP 1 part creamer 4 pumps of sugar 1 long pour of Jim Beam Bourbon There used to be this…
Carny Repellant
2 lips of long cut, Greenville chewing tobacco 1 bottle of Old Medley Bourbon 4 servings of cotton candy 6 gumballs (accidentally swallowed) Granite in…
The Elegantly Cultural
6 cans of a noseable hipster-preferred craft lager, like Keystone Light (in the white can, of course) 6 glasses worth of competition-quality Italian Pinot Noir,…
The Frat Brother in the “High” “Castle”, or, The Heavy Grasshopper
1 Part Crème de Menthe 1 Part Crème de Cacao 1 Part Heavy Cream 1 Can of Keystone Frank walked across the Green, hunched over,…
The Guest Lecturer
1 clear plastic off-brand water bottle ½ liter bottom-shelf vodka I’m not a bad guy, but more importantly, I went to a good school. I…
The Tremendous Trump
1.5 oz Trump vodka Incomprehensible wealth Tremendous energy Tremendous cunning The highest of IQs Brain A higher power than yourself I don’t drink. Can you…